Ian, that is awesome. I completely feel the rightness of this - it's something i've always acknowledged. Maybe I can try to compartmentalize the world of the words that I have with this issue.

The word is not the thing. Of course.

Elleise, that is exactly it. This person has been like a way house on the moors - someone who understands my limitations, likes me anyway, and makes me feel wanted. He's been almost the only one. So i have been clinging to that b/c of my beliefs I would not find another way house.

I think he does not have to fulfill that role any longer. I think I might have grown a little lately and believe there are other way houses. At least I now see some in the far distance.

Thank you!

Some great stuff surfacing here, from everyone.

I personally also work energetically, which is not part of all Buddhist traditions, but is part of the Tibetan ones in which I originally studied (as well as being part of some others.) That is, once I can clearly 'see' the issue within myself - which begins with the psychological understanding that it sounds like you already have a good grasp of - I can sense it as an energy that is 'stuck' somewhere. Once I can feel this as an energy, I will work within my awareness to release it on the exhale. A simple inhaling of clear awareness and exhaling of this stuck energy as part of my meditation is very helpful.

There are many more specific energy work exercises related to the chakras that I personally do, that have to do with locating the energy relative to them, but that work is not strictly speaking Buddhist, so I don't write about it much here. And I don't think it's really necessary to do this kind of work if it appeals to you.

The most important thing for it to be effective is really the 'selection' process - that is the locating of the feeling/pattern/energy within yourself as an energy. You begin this mentally/pscyhologically, but then move beyond that, into your subtle awareness.

If I might venture another thought...

Some sects endeavor to cut off ego-type desires in order to avoid suffering.

But it is part of this human experience.

For me it is better to embrace what is and learn from it. I find that when I learn the lesson, the scenery and situation change and I am onto other lessons. Ask, "What can I learn from this?" Sometimes, I view it in a third person sort of way. "Wow, that was an interesting experience. Now I know what (insert your feelings here) rejection/pain/sorrow/hopelessness feels like."

Both positive and negative serve their purpose in our lives. Hard as the "bad" times are, everything passes. Sometimes, there is nothing to do but be patient.

This might sound loony, but I "rise" above the human experience when it gets too hard or overwhelming by reconnecting to the universal consciousness (God), and I am reminded that I am a spiritual being having a physical experience. I can make better choices from this vantage point.

Lori, that reminds me of a little passage i keep in my wallet. It is the Litany Against Fear, from the novel Dune.

It has echoes of what you say. It's not easy to do what it says, but the idea of it is comforting.