Such a kind farewell from our Brother. I wish him well and I hope that he returns to us in the future to bless us again with his great wisdom.

Burt.....how are you, my Brother? You have been a bit quiet lately. I am sure the Great Mother has been watching over you like she does all of her children.

In very very deep thought.

I'm eternally alone, yet not very often lonely.

Like loong, I have suffered greatly with mental illness.

I try not to be sad, but I hurt for everyone on this planet.

I lament not being financially independent enough to have my own children.

Yet that boat has sailed.

I'm as old as Lief Garrett the one who brought that whole California Dreaming thing.

I deeply work on my own psychology.

I miss my family.

I could not break away and I lived with them all of their lives.

They wanted to see me fly the nest.

Very good quality solid people.

Because of my spirituality, my brothers set out to destroy me and pretty much succeed.

Yet I wanted to get closer to the creator.

My family degenerated into shouting matches.

My brothers jailed me and sued me.

All I did was Love Them.

I'm 50 years old, yet feel 17.

I sit alone, Connie has to run the motel and nap.

From dawn to dusk I sit in the house.

I've always Loved Home, and my parents worked hard to provide all three sons with homes yet when the change came by moving from Michigan to Florida I was too young to understand the need to get my own nest.

It's no excuse because Dad went back and forth until I was 27.

Now I feel like a 50 year old virgin who never left home.

I lament, yet it is part of my melancholy.

Many with melancholy were extremely successful and married.

Yet, I failed.

Connie is wonderful yet has grown children and grandchildren.

I'm a step-dad pretty much swept to the side but not too badly, I'm made part of Melissa's family.



But these are the choices I made.

I Love God with all of my heart, and time has healed me a lot.

Yet, at the crucial time of being young and starting a family, I failed.

Woe is me makes it sound like I feel sorry for myself.

Yet, I can't shake that.

Life is hard, and I wish I got to know that younger.

I Love my parents, but they made it too easy.

They did not gradually prepare me for the real world.

I never did like this planet, and I know that I'm not from here.

I was supposed to be in the larger society and lead by example.

I failed my mission, and I'm a recluse.

God help me and use me.

I did not succeed in life.

I just followed my parents and ran their business which I don't like but I'm stuck with it.

I'm a very cultured and intellegnt person yet only in my home, no where else.

I wish I had the courage to stay out in the world on my own.

Yet, I buckled.

Everyone is pushing and fighting for the dollar.

Everyone needs supply.

Yet, do we have to kill the other guy to get it?

I couldn't do it, that's why I didn't succeed.

My investment in spiritual stuff got me confused and I took literally you cannot serve God and Mammon.

Most of my friends have grandchildren already, but I wanted God.

Yeah, well I didn't have to go to extremes.

Yet, here I sit all my dreams gone, yet I'm still here.

I let others choose for me, and by default that was a choice.

I'm glad I know about reincarnation.

If I got away from my family and was out in the world, people liked me.

At home, and around my brothers I was despised.

Yet, I let it happen.

I did it.

So I go deep within and use the mind of Christ to heal me.

It's about all I can do now.

The outer world is too harsh.

So you see the bipolar, wanting to be a leader in the world, yet to tender and mild to be out in it so I entered seclusion.

I could not balance the outer with the inner as God intended, so I just live in the inner now.

I listen for God, I hope for God and I just want to go home or bring home here.

I hope and pray that my all day every day thoughts and meditations upon God will help me and others.

I buried my 10 talents and will return with just one.

I enjoy solitude and so does Connie.

I pray inside for a better day for all.

As time goes on, things will get better for everyone.

Burt, there is so much there to respond to. I am sorry you hurt. I know what hurting is. I am sending you hugs!

I don't have children and don't feel i have failed. I love not having to be responsible for anything more than myself and a few cats. I used to feel like a huge failure for being so bright but not able to keep a job...but now that I know why i had those problems (mental illness), I no longer feel like a failure. I've actually done fantastically well for someone with undiagnosed asbergers! Now that I have my diagnosis i can be much kinder to my past and current self.

I have to remind myself, frequently, of the Stones song: You can't always get what you want...but you might find you got what you need.

Hi Jilly, same here.. bright but not able to keep job.

Creative, kind, loving, smart but not consistent.

Bi-Polar Manic here.

Trying alternative spiritual teachings put my family in an uproar.

Being around my family made it worse, but they were the only ones who truly loved me.

No children too eh ?

I guess down deep I knew I couldn't support them or be fair to them.

But, like you say.. after you realize that at the time, you really couldn't help it and they kept mis-diagnosing us..

Sometimes you get what you need...

I didn't want all that responsibility either..

A few kitty cats is good.

But yes, after finding out I'm learning just now to be kinder to myself and more gentle.

Burt and Jilly.....I too chose not to have children because I did not feel they were right for me. I am not cut out for it, my enormous patience does not extend to kids, and the responsibility was just too great. I need to be responsible for myself or I will be lost completely. My issue....depression. Off and on I have battled it, and I do win in the end, but it is tough to live with something that waits at the back door ready to come in if I let it.

I believe that all three of us have made wise choices for ourselves and we did not put our issues or shortcomings onto innocent children. Believe me, living with a paranoid schizophrenic father was no picnic, especially when he became violent. We do not have children suffering because we sometimes have a hard time with what is going on inside of our heads. We have been wise to make responsible choices, and that was to care for our own inner beings the best we can, and that is really what we are supposed to do. I personally do not feel that I lack anything for not having children. It is nice just to feel peace. I do not have kids running all around me, making me feel more stressed and anxious, which I do not need.

We do have a lot to be proud of.....we are indeed bright, kind, creative, and loving people. Sometimes I think we are different because we are more sensitive to see things that others do not. We understand some things more than most....and living more simply is something that the three of us have in common. It does bring much peace to have less, but to enjoy the gifts of nature more. That is one secret to finding happiness, in my humble opinion.

And here is where the Great Mother comes in. She takes care of her children and gives them what they need to survive and to be happy. Look around you.....the beauty is there, and it is comforting to be a part of it and to interact with it. Within your inner self you will feel peace if you connect with the other living beings around you. Blessed Be.

With Mother's Day upon us I can't help but think about the Goddess, the Great Mother, a beautiful spirit who loves all of Her children without fail.

In our own way we can pay homage to this wonderful Mother figure in our lives. I am going to plant flowers this weekend and dedicate them to Her.

She is worthy.

She sure is that and more, Dave.

What a lovely thing to do, Debbie. The Mother deserves this kind of honor and respect more often.

I planted some seeds of wildflowers in my patio in containers in honor of the Mother and they are growing strong and lovely.

I have been away from the forums a lot lately. I am deeply involved in a spiritual journey and learning so much about myself and growing ever closer to the Mother. It is quite an interesting time in my life.