Just an update....
I am putting the brakes on in order to deal with my stress. I have decided not to move across the country this year and wait for next year instead to give myself time to heal from my boyfriend's death. Other challenges have come along since then and I really do not have the emotional or mental capacity to make moving preparations and then complete that move. I am just not ready.
I don't absolutely have to move for any reason right now, and I have a good living situation at the moment. I have never lived alone in my life, and when I move I will not be living alone. Now is a good time for me to get myself back together and to figure out what I really want going forward. Having this time alone will make me a lot stronger and more independent before starting a new life. I need time for healing and grounding myself before taking on big life changes. My grief gets so bad sometimes that I almost can't function, so I need to deal with that and then try to move on.
I have contacted my counselor whom I haven't spoken to in a year. When I moved to be with my boyfriend I was too far to go for sessions anymore, but now we are going to do phone sessions instead, which will be of great help to me to gain some much needed traction in my life. I still write in both of my journals, and that has been a healthy release of all kinds of emotions and feelings that come along.
My feelings of being overwhelmed gave me a message to slow down and to stop taking on more than I can handle. I will handle my issues in small doses for now until I feel better. I am doing what I can to work on myself and to get back to where I need to be. Time is what I need and I will take it for myself for once in my life.
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