I am inquiring for a friend of mine. My ex husband is threatening to sue her for abusing our son and invading his privacy because of an incident which occured last weekend. It was Friday evening, my son was having a sleepover at my friend's house. She and her husband were at work and because she only works part-time, she got home sooner. The kids were left alone for a short time. My son is 16 and my friend has one son and two daughters. Her daughters are 15 and 16. I also have two other sons but they weren't present at the sleepover. While they were playing around in the swimming pool, my son decided it would be funny to pull down the bikini top from one of the girls. The two girls became upset about this and so they left together and went to their rooms leaving the two boys alone in the pool. When my friend returned home from work that evening, her son, fearing he might get yelled at for what my son did, decided to take a long bath. Meanwhile, the girls were telling mom what happened. My friend became furious and decided that my son wasn't going to stay any longer. With her daughters following along, they went upstairs and into the the guest bedroom where my son was sleeping, flipped on the light and saw that he was awake and under the covers. She told me that she went right up to him without saying a word, grabbed the covers and yanked them off the bed and told him to leave her house. She did this in the presence of her daughters who were with her in the bedroom. Immediately after she yanked the covers off the bed and while she was telling him to leave, she noticed that he wasn't wearing any clothes except for a t-shirt. She told me that he had an erection implying that he had been masturbating before she came into the bedroom and that I should probably have a talk with him about doing it in someone else's bed. After she had yanked the covers away and during that brief moment she was telling him to leave, he became hysterical and screamed continuously as if someone had dumped a jar of spiders on top of him. She said she was embarrassed and startled by his "condition" and his screaming and immediately she left the room and stood just outside the bedroom. Her daughters lingered behind in the bedroom and were called out by their mother. Afterwards, she shut the bedroom door with her eyes averted so as not to see him lying on the bed. She said she could hear him wailing through the door. After my son pulled himself together, he came home sobbing. My friend had already called me before he got home and told me everything that happened. I asked him what was wrong and he told me everything... everything except for the part about him pulling down the bikini top. Some good did come out of it all. Me, my son, and my friend and her two daughters arranged a meeting the next day. My son apologized to the girl whose top he pulled down... and the girls promised not to tell anyone about what happened to him in the bedroom. Now my ex is threatening to sue my friend for "abusing" our son and invading his privacy (she entered the guest bedroom without knocking and yanked the covers off the bed exposing him to her daughters). He is under the impression that she did it on purpose to get even with him. He expresses no sorrow for what his son did to the girl. I firmly believe that what happened was an accident and there is no way my friend could have known that he wasn't wearing anything underneath the covers. She knows he had brought his pj's along and he should have been wearing those. And she shouldn't have to knock on a bedroom door in her own house, especially given the circumstances. She was concerned for the welfare of her children. She never touched him. My friend called me recently and said that she is bothered by my son's reaction to her yanking the covers off the bed and wonders if what she did was harmful to him and considered an "abuse" of some kind. She said the way he was screaming, you'd think he was being tortured or something. She apologized to me for what she did and she said she wishes she had handled it differently. I told her not to worry about it and that he probably deserved it after what he did to her daughter. I would greatly appreciate any thoughts you ladies might have on whether my friend abused him or not and if you have a guess as to why my son became so hysterical. Thank you. April

Dear April,

This is a man's view.I wonder who authorised this sleep over? You DO NOT LEAVE 15 AND 16 YEARS OLD BOYS AND GIRLS IN A HOUSE ALONE.Let me tell you I used to be a woman's men.If I had became a parent,NEVER would I have allowed 2 15 year old boys with their hormones in full action.Man's peak point in sexuality is 16 years old!!!!!Woman's 35 .
As for the masturbation thing, ,quite normal.There are no specific places to masturbate. Your son was caught masturbating ,that is why he was yelling. Masturbation even today is a taboo subject. Imagine his surprise and shame being caught doing it. He might say ,he was not doing it,come on!

I won't stretch my post too long,the only person totally guilty of all this misunderstanding .is the person that let that happen.

As for the ex,he should remember when he was young and sowing his oats.

With love and understanding.

loong

I'd be awfully reluctant to have a sleepover with teenaged boys and girls, even if the parents were there. Unless you really want funny business going up and down the halls all night!
But since what happened, happened, be thankful that it only involved some horseplay and inadvertant deep embarassment of your son. PLEASE don't sue! There didn't seem to be any abusive intent on the part of the mother, and while the result was upsetting to both parties, maybe everybody can calm down and take a lesson or 2 from the whole incident.

My view is having teenage boys and girls sleeping over is where the mistake was made. I don't think there was any harm intended and with all due respect I think if anything wrong occurred it was poor parental judgement.

It's an accident all over the story. Quite understand your son'embarras when he was caught yelling. Tell your son it's just normal for a 16 year boy. No need to be scared and feel shame too much.

Maybe your son feel that day is a disaster for him.But when time goes by, he will feel normal.