I know what you mean, Loong, but my "now" is not a happy place at the moment. I need to work on finding my inner peace and happiness. I know the right concepts, but living it is hard for me at the moment. I have just begun my spiritual journey, and it is beginning at a very difficult time in my life.

I have suffered many losses in the last couple of years, and I'm not talking about losing material possessions, although I have lost those things too. I can live with material losses because I have accepted it, and I know it for what it is. What I refer to now are losses that affect my spiritual heart, and also have to do with the loss of people close to me whom I have loved very much. Because of my circumstances I have also had to put one of my two horses up for sale, and right now spending time with my horses is the only time when I feel like my pure and true self. Even now spending time with my horses is very infrequent because of various circumstances. To bounce back from all of this is very hard for me at the moment, and what I feel is beaten down and weak.

All I can do is to take things one day at a time and hope that I can make positive changes that will steer my life in a better direction. Thank you for commenting. _/\_

What Loong says is true Cassie without a doubt. My family has known that for centuries. If however, that substance that is within us is the most powerful force in the universe then its depth is just as great. One cannot be be there in understanding until one is there!! As we know, we have eternally been there all along except in our understanding. It used to [censored] me off what my family said about always being there. They knew that I was upset but they said that understanding will come with maturity which used to [censored] me off even further!!!! The only problem with that is that when one doesn't see it one cannot understand it!!! Then when it clicks it becomes clear and not before. That is why I say that you will be O.K. even when in turmoil. It does click within each individual if they are open to it. Cassie as you "keep on keeping on" it will click!! Loong is very wise!! Thank you my Buddhist friend!! dave

Thanks, Gentlemen. I know I will be ok. I just need more time. I implement what I can when I can, and eventually it all will click, like you say.

The recent death of my boyfriend has really taken its toll on me. I need to get through the healing process and that takes time. When the time comes when I can think of him and smile, laugh, and be comforted by the memories, then I think I will be able to find more peace within myself. Right now there is just the sadness, and that is what gets in the way of my personal growth. I know he is ok, and feeling stronger and better than ever, but I spent every day with him and I miss him now that he is gone. He was a very unique man and I loved him very much. Still do.

I continue to pray to God and talk with the Great Mother. It is a comfort to me while trying to make my way on this journey.

Cassie, you know that I have some zaney ideas at times but please ponder this one just for a moment. My little clan did not believe in death. Things just change form. The reason that many today are so distraught by death is not so much that the person is now in a different form, it is that we are so confined to our perceptions of what we call death. Through previous training in many circles we have come to view death as an end. Yeh, we all want them here and now but there is a provision made for our sorrow if we will only be open enough to look for it.

Cassie, why is this man any different today than he was when you held him?? Maybe the form has changed but he is still there in another. I am just wondering if the pain that you feel of separation is as much his as yours because you have left him!!!

This culture is terrified of such things just as they are of that "bad old boogey man out there in the dark somewhere" but just maybe your love is right beside you many times and reaching towards you. The Great Mother never planned any separation for any of Her own, not in this life or the next!! Certain religious ideas, forced upon us by men of great cunning and wickedness have caused us to view death as the end. I implore you to study how the ancient Egyptians viewed death. It is quite an eye opener and can be a great comfort to us if we will get past our Western rigidity.

Casie, you and my other half are of the Roman Catholic faith. According to scripture Mary suffered a horrible spectacle when her son was nailed to a cross. What people don't want to remember is that he appeared to her after his physical life was taken. He felt so deeply about his Mom that he wanted her to be one of the first to know that he was just fine and he was at that point never going to leave her again. We westerners love sympathy, sorrow, extended tears, and feeling sorry for ourselves.

He never left!! Neither did your guy Cassie!! The veil is very thin. It is just our incorrect teaching that has caused us to suffer. My family comes and visits me on a regular basis. They can pick the most inopportune times. I might be on the pot, or in the shower, or fast asleep, but when they start talking I quicken immediately to their presence. I can even say,"guys I'm on the pot!!!" Like they care!! I sweat the little things and they go for the bigger picture. Maybe in those circumstances I am a captive audience!!! LOL LOL

What I am trying to say is that maybe when you lay down to rest he is right beside you and holding your hand. Don't turn off the possibilities. I have had people argue with me about these things due to their fear and misguidance. What I usually see is a person that misses one of their own to the point of excruciating inward remorse for their loss and has blocked any further communication out of fear.

There is a wisdom beyond mans fears and warnings that he will avoid and thusly suffer his whole life in loneliness. I am not in that number!! There just might be many things beyond our current knowledge that have great benefit to us if we will just be open. Blessed Be

It takes time Cassie...

I lost my last parent, my dad in 2009.

I didn't think I was going to make it.

Dave and Burt......thank you for your kind words of support. It does mean a lot to me and I am in tears writing this right now. I know we are way off topic on the Goddess thread here, but I need to explain a few things as you Gentlemen have been so kind to do as well. I was not going to share this at all on BellaOnline, but I will now.

I know my dear love has not left completely, and I am open to further communication with him always. My deep grief over his passing has clouded my ability to receive messages from him, but now and then messages do get through. He has been here and I know he is when the dishwasher goes on without warning, the treadmill goes on, I come home to find all four chairs around the kitchen table turned away from it in the exact same way.

I ask my love to come to me in dreams, and sometimes he will come the same night I ask. I actually dream in the morning just before waking. Sometimes he is in the body form I recognize, sometimes not, but I am very intuitive and I know it is him. Once he played a joke on me and came to me as George Clooney. Now, I never think of George Clooney in my every day life but I do have to admit that he is a handsome man. My boyfriend had hangups about his body because of what various illnesses and surgery had done to him, but I thought his body was beautiful. Even so, he evidently thought he would come to me in a dream as some studmuffin actor!

Anyway.....the dreams are very brief and most times he will not say a word but I know that he is there. If I ask him to come hold me, sometimes will come to me in my dreams to do that. Funny that you talk about my boyfriend holding my hand, Dave.....

The other morning I was up at 4am and I could not sleep for about an hour. I started thinking of him and cried, then finally went back to sleep. A few hours later I did dream of him, but this time he did not come in body form but in spirit form. He was a bright white being without a definite shape, and there was a vibrating humming sound. I have learned that our energy vibration in the physical realm is low, but in the spirit world our vibration goes up. A white hand was extended from this bright light, and it reached towards me and touched my hand. It was a gentle touch and then the hand took mine completely, and it was indeed my boyfriend's hand, as I will never forget the way it felt when we held hands. He was always so gentle.

I told him, "I know it is you." Then I leaned into the light to feel him more, and the humming noise intensified and the energy from him became very great. I think I was a bit overwhelmed by it so I backed off a bit. The dream ended there. I feel that he is strong and feeling very well by the energy that surrounded him.

I am open to his communication. I welcome it and I talk to him all the time like he is still here with me. Maybe he hears some of what I say. I know he is free and has less of a tie to me than I have to him. I always had the deeper love but I know he cared for me very much, more than he let on to me in his physical life. I do have an open mind and I take some comfort in the fact that he no longer suffers, because I know he suffered every day without complaint in the physical realm. In time, I know, it will get easier for me. Maybe my boyfriend misses me a little bit, but I do know he is happy and feeling well.

My sorrow is because I can't have the same kind of relationship with him. We had less than two short years together and I knew I would not have him into old age. I did live with that reality every day. His medical issues were too great and finally his heart gave out at 49 years old. I miss our talks, laughing together, touching each other, and having intimate time. He was the best intimate partner I ever had, and for a woman unsure of herself that meant the world to me. He was a very tactile person, and he always hurt because of physical conditions and medications that caused muscle tightness, so he liked to be touched. I would massage him a lot and he would reciprocate. He was always so considerate, respectful, and gentle. Just snuggling with him was heaven to me, and his aura was one of goodness.

I never had a relationship like that before and I miss it. I am human after all, one who likes closeness, and I miss what felt good. Who wouldn't? We were not soulmates, but I loved him like we were married. I chose to love him with my entire heart even if he did not feel the same. I guess I am just a hopeless romantic, and he was very sweet to me.

Dave......I did crack up at the inopportune times that your family chooses to visit you! Thanks for that story.

I do hope the veil is thin and we are closer to our departed loved ones than we realize. I have read on another spiritual site that spirits have a hard time to come into the physical realm with us because it takes a lot of energy. It is one belief and I am sure there are exceptions to it.

I will keep an open mind and I will continue to speak with the Great Mother. If She never meant for Her children to be separated then maybe She is the link to our loved ones whom we cannot physically see.

Cassie, there are things out there that are wonderful gifts!! Some of them are beyond the human imagination and most people don't dare to even dream in that realm let alone go there. There is nothing that is impossible!!!! There is no relationship that we cannot have and there is no disease known to man that we cannot come out of. The only barrier to completion is between our ears. The thinker the stinker!!!! Fortunately we are in the process of "unlearning" what we have been taught since birth. We were trained to think in partialities. Now we are learning to just "be" and "allow".

Yes Cassie, by all means there are mystical realms surrounding the great Mother. No-one is separate in any lifetime and the table is set. We just need to come in, sit down, and be still. Blessed Be

I believe there is a bigger picture than what we all can see with our physical eyes, and I believe that things do happen for a reason. My boyfriend came into my life at a devastating time for me, when my marriage and relationship of 19 years was coming to an end. My boyfriend saved me from insanity and showed me that I could love again, something I would not have thought possible at the time. The love for him came quickly, and I know why. He would need me soon too. He fell ill with his first heart attack only 8 months after we met each other. I was there to care for him for many months. He never did fully recover but he lived better because I was there for him. I called him my Angel, and I was his Angel too.

Perhaps his death is meant to help me with my spiritual journey. I had just started paying attention to my inner being last fall, and only really got over the pain of my divorce and that rejection last December. In less than a month after I started to feel better, my boyfriend left the physical realm. Maybe his support for me was done and it was time for me to fly on my own, as painful as it seems sometimes. All I can say is that I have never had a dream like the one I had the other day, to dream of a spirit being like that.

I am more in touch with myself spiritually, and I want to develop it more with time. I have read that when you dream you can leave your body to travel in spirit realms, and perhaps this is what happened when my boyfriend's spirit came to me. We may have met in a spirit realm and therefore he remained in his spirit form. I knew it was him and I was not afraid. Maybe he put his hand out to me to put me at ease and to make a gesture of love. That was a beautiful gift to me and I will never forget it. I am open to so much more than I used to be, and maybe my boyfriend will show me more as time goes on. He taught me so much while he was in the physical realm.

I will indeed sit down and be still. I want to see and hear without using my eyes and ears. When it comes I will just "know", like the way I just know when I am in the presence of my boyfriend even if what is in front of me looks nothing like how I remember him.

Thanks, Dave, for making things more clear for me once again. It helps me greatly during this time of healing. You spread the love of the Great Mother, and that is indeed a precious gift. Blessed Be.

I have heard people say that they want to become or that they are a god or a goddess. We believe that if we have the mastery of life readily within our grasp that the certainty of completion of a very satisfying life cycle automatically follows. To ascend to that realm is what many strive for. To have the knowledge that we lack nothing is paramount to ascend into the "god "realm. We are unlearning that we are unworthy. We are evolving to a place to where we perceive that everything is already ours. The ,"I don't have, They have more,or If I only had this or that," rhetoric is over. These principles are necessary to learn to move our understanding from a negatively controlled environment to freedom in mind and spirit.

My family has known these principles for a long time. Many people have come out of some deep inferiorities and mental problems with the ascension into that realm.

We believed that each person is a god/goddess over each of our own gardens. Each has a plot of ground, if you will, that we must cultivate, nourish, plant, nurture, and then harvest. Maintaining each necessary segment of the operation is essential to obtain a bountiful end result.

The secret is that we have the reign only over one garden that is our own. We, without permission, are not allowed in another garden. To rule another garden, usurping another being for control of their domain prohibits that other being from completing their life cycle. If another is unable for a time to maintain their obligation we may be invited to help them but then we return to our ground as it can readily become neglected.

Knowing that all other grounds are also within our ownership is allowing us to enter into the godhead. Physically possessing all other grounds by whatever means renders us far less than a deity. We have now become a destroyer, or the enemy of the natural and spiritual order of the universe.

Likewise knowing we have the power to have any and all relationships with others, whether physical or spiritual, is a given definite in the godhead. If we usurp, however, the will of another just because we desire that relationship we have then also become a destroyer. If we feel that we cannot make it on our own by living vicariously through another or that it is our God-given right to make another conform to our standards we are again just another destroyer like so many others.

Everything that exists on the planet and beyond is indeed ours in the godhead. Nothing is withheld. If we then gather all of these things and begin to place them within our garden we have now again become the destroyer. If we take from another have we not stolen from ourself??

In the godhead our demands must be carried out to the letter in order for things to run smoothly. If our demands usurp the will of another being, whether of great or little stature, have we not become a destroyer?

The secret to becoming God or the Great Mother Goddess is to extend your own garden to all others. Some will steal from you. Some will take with no thanks or concern. Others will take what they need and thank you in deep appreciation. Some that you share with will share back with you in abundance when the get back on their feet. Others will give you their entire garden and combine their deep inner being with yours in utmost thanks and joy in our combined sharing. We then indeed see that there is no me, just a we. In the sharing of your own garden it is a certainty that you will never lack. When we become the willing and joyful servant we become that eternal God/Goddess. We truly then possess all things !! We then all go home. Blessed Be