I've been there in your exact shoes, with a man who too had a big fat education and made a lot of money. We'd been friends for a long time and I thought that would have been a good basis in a committed realtionship.
Alas! I discovered that I was not enough for this man and I'm not kidding when I say that one day I woke up and saw that there was a stranger in my bed.
It was so hard, but I made the decision to move on, and from experience all I can say is that all is as it should be!
Life would not be life without bumps in the road. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!!!
And as Maria stated in "The Sound of Music" when God closes a door, a window opens somewhere. It's true!!
There's more to the story of course, but please please believe me when I say this too shall pass.
To forgive is divine.
Many blessings and peace to you on this journey of self discovery.
Sorta like shock the monkey .. eh ?
Been there done that -- got the quiltpatch work on the heart.
This is why we seek divine love...
It's the only thing that is permanent and lasts...
Because Love is Misunderstood:
B. Divine Love
Let us then define Love. As the worlds were framed by Love, Love is both sagacious and potent; for each part of the Unfed Flame is complementary to every other part and to the whole. But, Love in Essence is the very inner Being of God. It is, therefore, the Holy Spirit in action! Every one who loves, then, is born of the Spirit. And it can well be said they who do not love have not yet come unto Life.
Love is penetrative and expansive; Love is enfolding and transmutative; Love is Patience and Understanding; Love is Wisdom and Strength. Love is Virtue and Purity. Love is Dedication and Constancy. Love is the combination of all of the Qualities of God, and yet there is added thereto an ingredient not yet wholly known to Man and one which We cannot wholly define here for many reasons, except to say that the Fullness of Love is the very secret of Life!
�Love� s Secret Obedience�
Power and Wisdom garner Love� s intent
The fulness of God Guidance in the twig that bent
Inclines its ear to hear Love�s Call
That shapes the Tree of Life so straight and tall.
As spires rise to clouded heights
The Power of Love� s Obedient Light
The Diadem of Life does shine
Its Grail-like motif making all Divine.
�Tis Love�s excelling mortal plans
Enforcing by Obedience Love� s demands
That breaks the deathly sod
And gazing upward, sees the Face of God.
We must acknowledge that there are many types of feelings which are called Love, but which are not. In releasing a Trilogy of this type We must slant Our words not wholly to the advanced initiate nor wholly to the beginner, but to a medium state where both shall derive the benefit.
Now, then, let Us peer within the domain of the self of each individual, e�en of thine own Self, and perceive the meaning of Self-Love. Selfish love is not Self-Love. That which seeks not that it may share, but that it may hold any form of substance or even an idea imprisoned within the domain of exclusivity, is but selfish love. That which seeks to draw forth either substance or blessings that it may expand those blessings and that substance through sharing it with the many is a manifestation of True Love.
Self-Love or the Love of the Real Self, does not generate disrespect, for each individual should recognize in all honesty that errors of the human self have been made in the past and yet that those errors are no part of the Reality of the Self, being but a part of passing memory recorded on the chart of Man� s experience. When these records are cleared and made right by the Power of Divine Justice, the fruit of that action will be manifest on an Altar that is swept clean of all dross and untransmuted substance. For the threshing floor of the Heart made pure will provide a suitable Altar upon which the Unfed Flame will far more than flicker or pulsate, but will rise and expand to elevate all whom It contacts, commencing with the aspirant himself.
C. Brotherly Love
Now, there are many forms of human love and these principally relate to Man�s contact with other parts of Life. There is the love of father and mother, and the love of the offspring for its parents. Inasmuch as the great Law of God has seen fit to charge the two individual parents with the responsibility for bringing into manifestation the third point of the Life Triad, it follows that maternal and paternal influences are destined�and were intended to be�divinely sponsored matrices. The father person representing the positive masculine polarity of the Godhead has a wonderful and kingly responsibility for each offspring; whereas the mother, who nurtures and guards the young child from the period of conception through the total period of gestation, has a very close responsibility throughout the life of the incoming child.
While We are on this subject it is My earnest wish to clear up for all time certain of the aspects governing the manifestation of children in the world of form, and the use of the vital and generative force by mankind. Unless some individuals were willing in each era to offer themselves as vehicles for the incoming holy and advanced children, it would be most difficult to give them proper training from early age, which the Great Law requires.
In the Name of Heaven, Beloved Ones, the guarding of the Energy of an incoming holy child is an awesome responsibility. Many desire to sponsor such holy children at inner levels and to act as spiritual guardians for children; yet some of these are themselves physically beyond the age of child bearing. While these elect to stand as it were as god-mother or god-father for incoming lifestreams�a good and necessary service�let Me point out that to the present hour the natural process of childbirth upon earth continues; and consequently, there is a need for holy mothers. It is true that there are many projects being given attention at higher levels to alter the present system of birth, to cause them to be painless and more immaculate, raising the entire planet into a new Christ era; yet We must be most practical and admit to the Power of God� s Love to flow forth to both generate and regenerate all LIFE upon earth.
Now, you cannot deny, for all around you the evidence stands, that the planet is filled with children who are obviously rebellious spirits. Many of these have been but released in recent years and some of them were imprisoned for a considerable period in the compound; others were held in special spheres of assistance in various temples, awaiting rebirth. The laws governing each incoming child do pass through the Karmic Board, Beloved Ones, and each must receive the approval and seal of the Lord the Maha Chohan and Beloved Mother Mary previous to birth.
Remember, We cannot and will not set aside Cosmic Law simply because some individual deems himself wiser than he is. The Law will always act and the holy use of God� s vital Energy for procreative purposes by those who wish to sponsor a holy family situation is not only admirable but commendable. I do not say that all will or should elect to pursue this path. Certainly free will should govern all such action. But, by a like token, it is not vanity that desires to house and to nurture a grand lifestream�whether that lifestream be an Avatar or a most advanced soul�but a pure desire to be the �handmaid of the Lord.�
Remember, Dear Ones, that at the time when an advanced soul comes into embodiment there is always a scene of parting at higher levels, and the full awareness that the mission of that one may or may not be successful. When entering a veil of flesh there is never any guarantee that that individual will not, through some form of contention, become involved in a karmic situation necessitating a round of unpleasant experiences. Simply because an individual is an Avatar or a very highly evolved soul, as was Beloved Jesus, does not provide a definite insurance against failure. There is always a risk, a problem that one� s friends who had intended to be his guardians and the guardians of his Light will betray that Light. There is always a possibility that associates will misinterpret his motives, discount his good intents and ignorantly strive to force him from the ranks of God� s service through impugning his character and, in other regrettable manners, simply fail to assist his holy purposes through misunderstanding and indifference.
Let all realize, then, that the children of Light must be wiser than the children of mammon. Let all recognize that upon the earth body this present hour there are children of Light and children of mammon. I do not deny that some of the children of mammon have behaved as children of Light and that some children of Light have behaved as children of mammon. This does not prove that the Law is wrong. It simply proves the tenacity of the element of human discord, vanity and sin, on the one hand, and the Power of the Creator�s inherent Goodness that seeks to raise all Life, on the other hand. It also proves that laggard qualities are contagious and that vigilance is required to hold an Immaculate Concept, regardless of what appearances may be involved. Certainly virtuous motherhood such as Mother Mary offered is yet the requirement of the hour!
Inasmuch as I AM dealing here with inter-relationships between people, I want to point out that in the case of employer and employee there ought never to exist any form of slavery or tyranny. It is as much the responsibility of the employee as the employer to see that this slavery does not exist. Therefore, �Let brotherly love continue . . .� (Heb. 13:1)
While We are on this subject, then, of human relationships I would like to emphasize one point concerning Love. It is to be found in the Pentateuch in the words of the Lord Thy God. It reads, �It is .not good for man to be alone� (Gen.2:18). This has been rightly interpreted as meaning it is not good for manifestation to be all ONE, and therefore I will make individual parts of My All-Oneness. �. . . I will multiply thy seed as the stars of heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore� (Gen.22:17).
Therefore let the love of the individual parts exceed self-love and excel unto an expansion of the Creation in honor of the Creator, finding thereby reunion with the One Life which is All and in all.
D. Christ Love
The great and awesome Power of Creativity, that which floods forth into manifestation myriad forms both in Nature and in Man; that which creates Cosmic Beings and Angel Messengers of Fire, has in Cosmic-Mind the fact that a Love, not wholly integrated with the ALLNESS of the Cosmos in the ONENESS thereof, would not be God, would not be Good. For Goodness requires some manifestation in order to Love. And so the great Creative Will of God is to create many forms, wondrous designs, and Mighty Beings, that all in receiving His Love might return His Love not only to the Central Creator but to the other creatures whom He has made.
Now, few have reached the level of Saint Francis of Assisi in the comprehension of this point and I would call to your attention then the glorious understanding and compassion which your Beloved Kuthumi (Who was Saint Francis) externalized not only in that embodiment, but also to the present hour in His own wondrous God-Design.
A Message of God-Compassion for all Life
Dear Francis� Love for creatures great and small
Compassed the sea, the sky and all
His Love the outbreathed Universe did frame
(His Soul breathed Compassion�s Flame)
And lit a Pathway to the stars
Where Hopes did rise like bird on wing
And every blessed �open heart� did sing.
O Love that lives and cannot die
Thy Flame shall bear one yet on High
To �Cross the Bar� and then become a part
Of God�s One Great Beating Heart.
For where I AM in shining, knowing free
I feel the Power of Truth fill me
(What thrills me most to know and be)
As BEING�S Cup runs over now
Is this Great Truth: that �I AM� Thou!
How Great was His example! The Great Example need not be anyone with whom you are familiar, and yet it may be anyone with whom you are familiar. The Great Example seems to find its greatest expression in modern Christendom through the personality of Jesus; and yet I do not blaspheme when I say that many men and women presently in embodiment upon earth this very day, through their devotion to Jesus and to their Great God Self, have received the same sacred Love tokens from God�s Heart that He imparted unto Jesus. The dove of snow-white Purity has rested upon their heads and its radiance has flowed forth from their hearts. These individuals are not always well known. Some of these have founded no new religion; all have supported holy endeavors upon earth and sought to be examples of Purity. Many Avatars, many Great Lights, have through the centuries brightened the planetary body with their Presence.
I would bring to the fore here, then, this plaudit on their behalf, this humble acknowledgment in Freedom� s Name, that the world is not so poor as it sometimes considers itself to be in the Great God Essence of Love, but that it already possesses a great wealth of Divine Love�a Love too often unrecognized, even when seen!�a love which commemorates Jesus� devotion to his fold, and upholds the standard He set for those who would follow Him in deed, �By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another� (John 13:35).
This Love ingredient flows forth not only from God on High to the Hearts of the known and unknown manifestations of God Himself, but flows forth from these holy men and women currently in embodiment, whose Love then becomes day by day more like unto the Father. The penetration of this holy Substance provides, through the Power of Our Lord the Maha Chohan, an infusion of the vitality which makes the world go round. That it does not spin faster, that it does not more swiftly throw off its discord, is because of the impediments of those masses who know not yet what they do.
Those hearts�and many of them yearn to know the Truth and to be Free�who pursue a dyed-in-the-wool path of their own misguided wills and spew out hate against men of good will whom they do not understand�do indeed place their feet in ruts of stumbling upon the mountain of attainment. And although the great connecting link from On High, as a giant skein of Light and Life dropped down to Earth, continually pulls Man forward, the traction in the drawing back of these individuals, because of the sheer weight of numbers, does prevent the universal manifestation of God� s Kingdom upon Earth!
Love, the Fulfilling of The Law
In the Holy Name of Love, then, it is easy to see why it is Our intent in this final portion of Our Trilogy on the Unfed Flame, to speak in a practical manner of the great need for maintaining and keeping Harmony�not only in one�s own personal feelings but also in one�s thought. As many of you know, when the thought desires to go to the right and the feelings pull to the left, in most cases the feelings will win and the thinking will gravitate in the direction of the feelings. Of all the noble efforts made by mankind to alchemically precipitate Substance, there is no higher alchemical key than the Purity of Divine Love flowing forth God thoughts as winged Messengers of Light!
The Love of God manifesting in the Threefold Flame scintillates with Immortal brilliance. It is vibrant, radiant, all-enfolding LIGHT, and it composes the Sun-Flame center of all inter-related systems of manifestation. Withdraw the Power of Love from any of these and eventual collapse is certain. Every system of worlds or planetary body in space that has ever dissolved for any reason whatever has done so by reason of the withdrawal of the Love charge from the Sun� s center. I do not deny that, measured by man�s sense of time, the period from the moment of withdrawal to the moment of collapse may range from thousands or even millions of years as men reckon time or consist of a few microseconds; but the decay of every system begins with withdrawal of the fullness of the Love Radiance from its center. Love then is the cohesive Power of the Universe.
One of the most dreaded diseases upon earth today manifests because of the viciousness of mankind which drives out the Love element from the cells and forces the opposite quality into manifestation there, providing an impetus which seeks to devour through its octopuslike nature all surrounding substance. Love in Healing is one of the most essential Qualities to manifest. Jesus� response through Divine Love to the cry of the two blind men, �Thou son of David, have mercy upon us� (Matt.9:27-31), heard by The Christ as He passed by, was a personal action of Love. The healing of the woman who touched His garment without his knowledge was an example of the impersonal action of Divine Love (Mark 5:25-34).
As you have been told before, Divine Love is both personal and impersonal. In the Law of True Being, Love is fulfilled and the Law is ever Love in manifestation, For the Law of Love combines Justice, Purity and Freedom in perfect balance. Let those who will discount the Law as Love and because of its corrective intent deny that it is an action of Love. I charge you to remember the words that �God chastiseth those whom He loveth� (�For whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.� Heb. 12:6).
In closing this Trilogy, then, I say unto all, let not selfish love carry you into the byways of delusion far and apart from your brothers and those other parts of Life whom God has made. Remember that elements of so-called evil ever seek to divide by their subtleties, whereas Love seeks to unify in the very essence of Holiness. To pay tribute to Love, then, is to pay tribute to the Great drawing Power of God� s own tripartite Flame. Love is God� s Flame of BEING in manifestation. One day the scientists of the world through instruments alone will be able to measure a part of Love and its radiant Energies. But never will an instrument be made that is wise enough or has a scale great enough to measure Infinite Love.
Infinite Love alone, then, can be best expressed as the manifestation of God. The manifestation of God can occur in everyone. It is the very Destiny of Man that shakes from Man his dust. Love is the fullness then of God as He manifests Man. There is no limit to that degree of God� s Love which anyone who will may manifest. Here in the Realm of Divine Love is the City of God, the foursquare city set forth by Beloved John (Rev. 21:16) as the place of conscious attainment where the fullness of your aspirations may find unhampered expression. Here stand the great wide open spaces of Creation. Love has unlimited new worlds to conquer. Love is the Promised Land where the strength of the lion nature is given to the Heart of the lamb and the Good Shepherd of the Eternal Covenant seals all in the Victory of the expanding Three-in-One Flame of God, Good, world without end.
I AM faithfully in Freedom� s Cause and Service,