BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Unhappily married...need advice

I am a 28 year old, married, mother of a 2 year old. I have been with my husband for 6 years and we have been married for just shy of 3. He is a great guy but I often question if it's meant to be. I have been unhappy for quite some time mainly because we work opposite shifts so we hardly see eachother and when we do I am often ignored. After complaining and threatening to leave (I asked for a divorce last year) he changes, things get better but eventually he goes back to his old ways. He takes care of myself and my son, helps around the house, but I often feel lonely. We have sex once per months and affection is almost non existent. We have been having a very rough past few days. I told him once again that I am unhappy and that I reached out to females online for comfort. I told him that I enjoy talking to one female in particular and since I met her 2 weeks ago, we talk every day. My husband and I talked about splitting and then trying to make it work. Today he told me he wants to make it work and will change and do whatever it takes. I know that I should try to make it work but honestly I cant deny my feelings for women. I have always been attracted to women but never really acted on that. I had a few sexual encounters (nothing major) but thats it. I love my husband but I am unhappy and not satisfied. I am not in love with him. I feel like 'making it work' is something I will have to force myself in to. At the end of the day, I just want to be happy and I know I can be happy with him, but it never lasts. Please give me any advice...my head is about to explode!

Hi confused. Thanks for posting. Just curious why you never continued to pursue women if you've "always been attracted" to them and even had a few sexual encounters.

I guess what I'm trying to discern is if the underlying cause of your unhappiness is because you are homosexual trying to live a heterosexual lifestyle or if you turn to women only on occasion because they can be more attentive and nurturing than men.

Were you ever in love with your husband? When you say you know you can be happy with him, what does that mean?

When during your relationship did he begin to change? Working opposite shifts, especially when you have a little child to care for, puts strains in a marriage. Plus, you were quite young when you began your relationship. And now, you're in your 20s, a time of great personal growth and change.

I guess, we need to hear more to be able to help. If the big question is the same-sex attraction, only you know the truth. Have you discussed these feelings with your husband? He could be more understanding than you expect.

Is it better to be unhappy alone or unhappy with another person? Not saying that once you left you would be unhappy BUT if you are would it be better to do it alone or with him? Once you answer that you know what you need to do.

I always recommend the book Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis to people contemplating a split almost regardless of the reason.