My SS is 14 and his already difficult personality has just been worsened by hormones. I've been married to his father for 6 years and he has always lived with us (his mother is deceased) but is really close to his mother's family so he spends alot of time with them. The main problem as I see it is that he is a product of their influence - spoiled and lazy - and none of mine. I bring my children up to be positive, helpful, hardworking and respectful. He is none of those things. I feel as though he treats the house like a hotel - comes and goes as he likes, sits around in his pj's all weekend (when he actually gets up) watching tv. He hates sport and school and doesn't really have any friends, none that he spends any time with anyway. I would like to be doing those things but I have 5 people to cook for, clean up after, wash for etc and I feel as though I am his domestic servant. If I say anything to him about anything,I get an earful of attitude. I feel as though he ruins my whole family life, I don't even like being in the house at the same time as him, and I don't know how I can live with him for the next x number of years. How can I deal with this situation?

Have you talked about your confusion with your husband? Maybe the child needs more time to educate, but do not give up now, you have to live with his father,,,,,,and there are many imperious teenagers, but most of them will get better if they grow up, with a little more patience ! :)

Military schools today have earned a high reputation for producing intelligent and enthusiastic students who deservedly enroll in college and go on to do well in life. Why is this so? First there is the discipline. This means the timetable for study can see students up with the lark and in class when many kids attending a regular high school are still in bed. Strong and fair discipline never hurt anyone and by placing responsibility back on the students, personal development is quick to be developed.

I have to agree with dannysong when it comes to fair but strong discipline. Parents who truly want to affect the future of their children will do this with love even if it means risking their popularity or "coolness" for a time. Once our children are securely launched in the world with values and direction, we can afford to be their friends. Prior to that, we are charged with raising responsible, well-adjusted citizens. Do not be afraid to do your job.

This sounds so very familiar. While I don't have the answers I want you to know you are not alone and I wish you the very best. I know this is an awful way to see parenting, but I think sometimes the best thing to do is look forward to him becoming an adult and no longer in your home. Sadly he will learn the hard way that life is not kind to someone without motivation. Best wishes and hang in there!

teenagers are miserable hormonal creatures, regardless if they are 'steps' or 'bios'. my bio daughter moved out when she was twentyone, and a year later, we are slowly becoming friends. my 'step' still lives here, and between you and i, i cannot WAIT until this one is gone! 17 years old, full of hormones and rage, bad hygienic habits, (bathes maybe once a week) eats everything that isn't nailed to the table,,,,,zero motivation, sneaky and manipulative etc etc~ i see nothing wrong in wishing them gone!!!!!

You've been married for 6 years and you are just now thinking that the kid's attitude doesn't really work for you? Have you seriously been gritting your teeth for that last 6 years, plus however long you were dating your husband for, before you got married?

I totally disagree with those who feel that all teenagers are horrible to live with and it makes sense to wish them gone. No way. I consider both my kids (now 19 something and 27) to have remained my friends throughout their adolescent years -- not that we never had a moments disagreement and not that we may not once in a while have been ready for more separation, but really -- teens can be civil and polite, hormones and all.

In terms of treating the place like a hotel, stop providing maid service. If your stepson is depositing stuff all over the house, then ask for it to be picked up and if it isn't, deposit it back in his room. Don't come in and provide fresh sheets and towels and laundry with zero pay back.

You say, if you say anything to stepson that you "get an earful of attitude." So don't talk, act. Revamp the house rules so they work for you and you don't feel like the underpayed hotel maid! You don't HAVE to clean up or wash for a 14 year old.

@ Cathie P..I totally agree with you. I am a bio/step mom..my son 15 lives with me, as does my stepson 16/(17 April. My oldest step son 19/20 May, went off to college this past August. My step daughter 18-graduates in June-lives with her mother, and goes off to college..My problem is the 16 year old step son...he is lazy, doesn't listen or follow directions and acts like a whiny little two year old..he creates 99% of my stress, and is making our home life for me and my son and husband miserable..I can't stand being around him and I wish he was not here! I can't wait till he gets out of the house..I have even asked my husband to have him sent to a military/boot camp...He has a pisspour attidude, has no respect for anything, and he is so much like hi bio mother whom is a useless piece of trash. She never took care of the 3 kids she had-my husband had to do it all---work2-3 jobs and cook clean and take care of the kids including getting up with them in the middle of the night because she never did! It is a daily constant battle with this kid and I have threatened to leave my husband(whom I Love more than antything) over this kid...Think I am going to insist on some more counseling...cause I do not know what do to any more! We have tried everything...and it is like starting over to infancy stage every day!!! Any help or insight on what to do would be great..of course we have rules, chores, bedtime, meals at regular times, and take away ps3, xbox, cell phone, lap top for punishement on his poor behavior and lying, and laughing in my face!!!