One year, we were invited to a family event at a cousin's beautiful home. She actually told me that my son could "stay on the back patio". Can you believe that? As though he were a dog.
Of course, we did not attend that event. And the rest of my family (my sisters and their families) did not attend as well.
If a family member said that to me, I would hope I could reply very calmly, "That is highly inappropriate, and I find it offensive that you would feel you could say something like that to me." It might be a 'teachable moment.'
But I would probably not trust myself to say anything at all, if the person were within tackling distance.
I am reminded of the Mr. Roger's song, about what you can do if you feel so mad you could BITE.
Of course we can hope in this case that instant karma caused a welcomed guest at the party to spill a bottle of red wine on the carpet, and in his haste to reduce the damage, trip and take out an aquarium and antique vase.
But even when that does happen, the guest is not sent out to the back patio for the rest of the party.
On the other hand, you and the rest of your family could have accepted the invitation, and moved the whole party to the patio.
:-)
I might have been disinvited after the tackle, though. And there is no telling what my sister would have done. We are easy-going, reasonable people, until someone crosses the line with a comment about any of our kids.
Condolences to your cousin who does not have the opportunity to have a relationship with the best part of the family.
Pam W
SE of Seattle
