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#732923 - 12/21/11 07:31 PM When have you started dating again?
Jilly Offline
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Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity

Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 14392
Loc: Verde Valley, AZ
How long did you wait to go on dates again? When you were separated? After the divorce papers were signed? After several years of mourning? Just curious.

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#733156 - 12/22/11 03:27 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
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Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4700
Jilly.....my husband and I were separated when I met my current boyfriend. My husband had moved out and we were in the process of getting a divorce.

Now mind you, I was not looking for another man to get involved with. It happened purely by a slim chance and I told him outright I was not interested in a romantic or intimate relationship. But after a few months of getting to know him I felt more for him than friendship.

I don't regret meeting him, but challenges do occur when you haven't fully healed from the break-up of another relationship. That has definitely been the case for me, and if I could do it over again I would wait to date for at least a year after the divorce. I was certainly on the rebound and would have personally healed better from the broken marriage had I waited like I had originally intended to do.

My advice is to focus on yourself for a while and do not rush into another relationship. Give yourself time to heal and bounce back, so to speak. Only you will know when you are truly ready to date again. It might be 6 mos, it might be a year, or it might be even longer than that. Everyone's time table for healing is different.
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#733169 - 12/22/11 04:38 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Debbie-SpiritualityEditor]
Elleise - Clairvoyance Offline
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Registered: 04/13/05
Posts: 4024
Loc: TX
I agree.

Timetables are different for everyone. Plus, when there's a disolving of a bond/relationship, something inside already knew something was wrong, that instinctual awareness.

Getting to the point where you not only feelbut know there's something/someone out there waiting for you, to me, is when you're able to enjoy going out on a date.

I will say, the better you feel about yourself, the more confident, the better the opportunities that gravitate towards you, like an energy.

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#733179 - 12/22/11 05:40 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Jilly Offline
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Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity

Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 14392
Loc: Verde Valley, AZ
My mother is wanting me to get back on the dating websites, so i have been doing that. And it's nice that plenty of men want to meet and go hiking with me. I just don't feel ready to. It's kind of a conundrum. I mean, Dan is still living here, for one thing. I just don't know who in heck I would explain my crazy current lifestyle to someone else.

Also I have so much weekly else going on that actually going on a date feels like a chore.

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#733191 - 12/22/11 06:23 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4700
You already know then that you are not ready to date again, and that is ok and perfectly normal. Goodness....don't rush things.

When Dan is gone and you have had some time to yourself to heal and figure out what you want in your next relationship, someone special will come along when the time is right. In the meantime you should not listen to anyone else but yourself in regards to dating again.....just tell them you are not ready if someone voices an opinion.

Only you know when the time is right for you.
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#736621 - 12/31/11 05:11 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Jilly Offline
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Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity

Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 14392
Loc: Verde Valley, AZ
Thanks for the feedback, cassie.

I actually have a date tomorrow. Just a hike. I will let you know how it goes.

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#736653 - 12/31/11 07:19 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4700
I hope it will be a fun day for you, Jilly.
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Debbie Grejdus
Spirituality Site Editor
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#737248 - 01/02/12 04:08 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Jilly Offline
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Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity

Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 14392
Loc: Verde Valley, AZ
It turned out okay. I don't think I will be dating this guy, but he seems like he might be a new friend. Which is just fine, since I really don't want to be dating yet.

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#737271 - 01/02/12 05:25 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4700
Meeting a new friend can be good.
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Debbie Grejdus
Spirituality Site Editor
Spirituality Forum Moderator

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#737275 - 01/02/12 05:32 PM Re: When have you started dating again? [Re: Jilly]
Jilly Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity

Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 14392
Loc: Verde Valley, AZ
it was good to at least see how I felt about other men. And it seems that I don't actually want a boyfriend at all right now. I am happy to have friends only.

My mom keeps pushing me to be active about looking for men. Why are moms like this?

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