How long did you wait to go on dates again? When you were separated? After the divorce papers were signed? After several years of mourning? Just curious.

Jilly.....my husband and I were separated when I met my current boyfriend. My husband had moved out and we were in the process of getting a divorce.

Now mind you, I was not looking for another man to get involved with. It happened purely by a slim chance and I told him outright I was not interested in a romantic or intimate relationship. But after a few months of getting to know him I felt more for him than friendship.

I don't regret meeting him, but challenges do occur when you haven't fully healed from the break-up of another relationship. That has definitely been the case for me, and if I could do it over again I would wait to date for at least a year after the divorce. I was certainly on the rebound and would have personally healed better from the broken marriage had I waited like I had originally intended to do.

My advice is to focus on yourself for a while and do not rush into another relationship. Give yourself time to heal and bounce back, so to speak. Only you will know when you are truly ready to date again. It might be 6 mos, it might be a year, or it might be even longer than that. Everyone's time table for healing is different.

I agree.

Timetables are different for everyone. Plus, when there's a disolving of a bond/relationship, something inside already knew something was wrong, that instinctual awareness.

Getting to the point where you not only feelbut know there's something/someone out there waiting for you, to me, is when you're able to enjoy going out on a date.

I will say, the better you feel about yourself, the more confident, the better the opportunities that gravitate towards you, like an energy.

My mother is wanting me to get back on the dating websites, so i have been doing that. And it's nice that plenty of men want to meet and go hiking with me. I just don't feel ready to. It's kind of a conundrum. I mean, Dan is still living here, for one thing. I just don't know who in heck I would explain my crazy current lifestyle to someone else.

Also I have so much weekly else going on that actually going on a date feels like a chore.

You already know then that you are not ready to date again, and that is ok and perfectly normal. Goodness....don't rush things.

When Dan is gone and you have had some time to yourself to heal and figure out what you want in your next relationship, someone special will come along when the time is right. In the meantime you should not listen to anyone else but yourself in regards to dating again.....just tell them you are not ready if someone voices an opinion.

Only you know when the time is right for you.

Thanks for the feedback, cassie.

I actually have a date tomorrow. Just a hike. I will let you know how it goes.

I hope it will be a fun day for you, Jilly.

It turned out okay. I don't think I will be dating this guy, but he seems like he might be a new friend. Which is just fine, since I really don't want to be dating yet.

Meeting a new friend can be good.

it was good to at least see how I felt about other men. And it seems that I don't actually want a boyfriend at all right now. I am happy to have friends only.

My mom keeps pushing me to be active about looking for men. Why are moms like this?

Hey Jilly,

I think they just don't like seeing their kids in any type of pain.

I kind of go into things myself, head first. When I divorced, I just dated kind of like, get that initiation out of the way.

From there, like you, I didn't want nor was ready to have any type of solid relationship, but the movement helped just in going through the motions.

From there I was able to focus on other things and eventually just enjoyed being around energetic people, which gave me the momentum to have my own business, which lead me to a very balanced place.

When you get there, you meet all the right people

I agree, parents push because they want to see their children in a good situation, and being single probably doesn't fit well with their perspective.

Not my mother.....she never urged me to see more men. Most of them are trouble anyway!

No offense to the nice guys that post on bellaonline, of course.....

LOL, Cassie. Your mother sounds restful.

I have a Jewish mother, so i guess her pushing me comes naturally...

I've been separated for almost two months now. My marriage was pretty much over when it started, but even though I'm not missing him, not upset that he's gone I'm still taking some time to get to know myself again and get out there. It's a slow process, but I know it will be worth it. I'm trying to lose weight, find myself again and be there for the kids. If I happen to meet a nice guy right now I would probably give him a chance as a friend and see where it went from there. There's no rush for me :)

It sounds like you are working hard to take care of yourself right now. That's great! I think it's the best thing we can do in these circumstances.

I started dating about 5 months after my leaving a cheating husband and filing for divorce.

After 19 months, I will finally be divorced Thursday the 19th.

It will also be the one yr anniversary that my boyfriend and I have been together!!

that will be a big relief, no?

I believe, like others here have said, that each person is unique as to when they are ready. After my first divorce from a 10 year marriage, I got involved with someone within a few months and after a year got married to #2. Oct 2011, I finally divorced after a rocky 12 years. I think I'm one of those people that needs time to truly get to know herself before adding someone to the mix, but everyone has to do what is right for them. One thing is certain: There is life after divorce!

I both want to date again and i don't. I wish I could have affection without the obligation right now. cats aren't enough.

Jilly...because they're a "mom"...LOL...

Some women feel that you can't be complete without a man. Sometimes it's something they believe themselves and sometimes it's a vibe they feel from the "child".

Don't do it until your ready. Sure it's nice to have a companion to do stuff with every now and then, but I personally see no reason to rush into anything until you're ready and only YOU will know when that is. Why call it a date? Why can't it be just a nice evening out? LOL...

Great things happen when we stop trying to force nature along...

Thanks, Diane....do you have anything specific though? Everyone has the same advice about being 'ready'. That's nebulous, IMO. What about some milestones to look out for?

I think being ready is feeling good about yourself, feeling confident and happy to be alone and to live alone, yet now you want to find some companionship. You want to do fun things and have a good time with someone who shares the same interests, and if more comes with it down the road then great, but if nothing more comes out of it you will still be ok. Being happy with yourself first means that you don't depend on someone else to make you happy. Then you are ready, and independent too, and that is very attractive to the opposite sex.

Absolutely agree with you, Cassie.

Jilly, I WISH, I could put a time frame on it...LOL.... If only it were that easy. When my 2nd husband left, I hung on to him for 10 years, then he came back for 3 years, then we separated and divorced for good. When we divorced the last time, I was so completely finished with him that I started happily dating less then a month later. But even now I get a twinge, but I quickly talk myself out of it.

My first husband, he left - I was dating less then a year later, but not dating to find a new partner, but really just cultivating friendships so I could have someone to hang out and do stuff with.

Ok guys...I started dating again...this is hard. I think I'm just too use to my own ways. A perfect friend to hang out with, but honestly he takes things so personally!!!

If this is the new dating, I may need to re-think this....LOL...

The new dating, lol. What else is that like?

I am so not interested in dating right now that its become almost funny. Dating seems like so much bother!