The biggest issue that came out of my divorce was and still is financial. I am in debt and without a job, barely able to pay my bills and keep my animals going, even with the small amount of alimony I get every month. I have sold off personal items just to keep afloat while looking for work in my transition period, but I have run out of things to sell. I have no medical insurance either, so I have to pay out of pocket for my doctor's visits, which have been every 6 months because of various issues.
The other issues stemming from my divorce are mostly emotional. I am devastated to be rejected by the man I considered my soulmate and whom I loved and supported for 19 years. I have been betrayed by him because he is with another woman now, happily married just one year after our divorce. I have been displaced in many ways....losing my husband and best friend, my home, my financial security, and for a while my dogs until he gave them to me finally, 10 months after the divorce.
I am lost and trying to find the true me again. At this point I don't know where I belong and I have battled depression for the past year over this divorce. I do not have contact with my ex-husband unless absolutely necessary, and that is pretty much never. Even with no contact I still can't get him out of my mind. He was the biggest part of my life for so long and I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I won't be growing old with him, won't have the intelligent and thought-provoking conversations with him anymore, won't share laughs with him, and won't have the financial future he promised me after he went through eight years of school while I had to take vacations without him.
Two years after he said he wanted a divorce and moved out of our home to get away from me, I still feel intense pain. All I can do is take one day at a time and try to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It is not easy.
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Debbie Grejdus
Spirituality Site Editor
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