BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development What do you feel about Compliments

From my perspective, I expect humans to have a range of talents. Some things they're great at, and other things not-so-great, and that's fine!

For example I appreciate that I'm good at ASP coding. I also accept I'm not great at watercolor painting. That's fine! I have fun improving my painting skills. I enjoy playing piano but I know I'm not great at it. That's fine too. I enjoy what I can do.

So for me I expect I'm bad at certain things. I accept that trade-off.

There's a great quote:

If you�re not failing every now and again, it�s a sign you�re not doing anything very innovative. --Woody Allen

It reminds me that it's good for me to go out of my comfort zone and try things I'm bad at. After all, everyone starts less-than-perfect at things and builds from there. We all babbled before we could talk. We all crawled before we could walk. So I embrace the things I am flawed at, and I poke and prod at them, and see if I'm intrigued .

I'm used to being bad at things. I enjoy playing with them to see if I want to focus energy on them or not.

I'm awful at public speaking. I'm poking at it next semester with a course to see if maybe I want to improve, at least so I am at the neutral stage vs the fear stage.

That's just me!

My childhood was mostly strange, magical and kind of wonderful in hard to explain ways but my parents didn't compliment me often. They expected me to excel. People they didn't expect as much from got frequent compliments as encouragement. So somewhere in my mind it all gets complicated.
There are weeks when it seems like I'm getting complimented by lots of people for lots of things, and those weeks generally end with me sobbing to my husband that I'll never be good enough. So yeah, it's fair to say I have real issues about compliments. Working on it, working on saying thank you, and realizing that just because it feels unearned, doesn't mean it's undeserved or insincerely meant.

I can't seem to explain myself properly, so I am going to drop this conversation. I am sure with other words I could convey what I mean, but it's just not coming.

Suffice: I don't have a problem accepting compliments, or giving them. It's nice when people feel happy to get them from me, as making them feel happy is the intent.

Shala -

You are a fantastically talented woman and it's a shame that anywhere along the way anybody caused you to feel as if you were not worthy. It is nice that your parents encouraged you to excel - and at the same time it would have been nice to balance that with an appreciation for what you were. I wonder why that's such a challenging balance.

Your post is a good reminder of just how powerfully those childhood messages can linger even long past when we've grown up. They are so firmly entrenched that they're hard to shake loose.

I wonder if a daily mantra of "I deserve this" can make some inroads? You definitely DO deserve praise!

Dear Jilly -

It is fantastic that you accept compliments with open arms and can draw them in as nourishment! You're a role model that many others can work to aspire to!

In this spirit of this thread, thank you.

I was raised to believe that the ego was the root of all evil. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. I suppose there is a dichotomy to the human ego.

My parents couldn't accept compliments *for* us. When someone complimented us, they would put it down in an act of humility so that is what I learned to do, too. Compliments always felt awkward.

It is only recently that I can accept a compliment with a genuine "thank you" and a smile.

I love to compliment people because I do appreciate their talents and all they add to this world!

But as for me receiving them, I'm actually trying hard not to need outside approval anyway!

I think of compliments as rewards. They never get old. Better than food, really.

Hi Lori, I love making other people feel good about themselves so I am always giving compliments. I personally find it extremely hard to accept them. I did not find anything wrong with the way I behaved, but through your article I have learnt a lot. I will surely receive the compliments with gratitude from now on.:)

I like giving sincere compliments because I know it makes people feel good. As for receiving them, I sometimes feel a little uncomfortable, maybe because I under-rate myself. Not sure. But I do say thank you.