BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development What do you feel about Compliments

Quite often, if you do not feel you are on an equal footing to someone then giving and taking compliments can be tough. (JOY)

Okay, am trying to figure this out. Do people feel, when they accept a compliment, that they will owe somebody something?

That just strikes me as odd.

I think I accept compliments pretty well. I probably should make a point of giving more out. The only case where I feel awkward is when the person is paying me a compliment on something I did where they have performed the same action. For example, if at a meeting,we are each supposed to stand up and make a brief statement and the person who went just before me pays me a compliment after I'm done, then I wonder should I say, "You were great too!" even if they weren't. Usually I just say, "Thanks", but do feel a bit awkward about it.

Hi Dannica, just saying "Thanks" is absolutely fine. If you repeat a compliment to the other person it rarely sounds genuine. So continue saying "Thanks" and the awkwardness will soon disappear. (JOY)

Aside from being shy or timid, a lot of men find it hard to accept compliments because of their self esteem problems. It's because of the critical voice in their head telling them that they're not worthy of the compliment and that the person who gave it is either lying, blind or just taking pity on them.

Dear Richard,

Thank you for the male perspective on accepting compliments. I must admit that I chuckled a little bit about men having self esteem issues since a few of the men I know "appear" to not have a problem in that area and can take a compliment quite well. However, as women, we really don't know what's going on in their minds and sometimes insecurities are hidden behind bravado or what "appears" to be an over-inflated sense of self worth. (Not all men, I'm just thinking of a one or two that I complimented recently) So thank you for sharing and bring this reminder back to me.

I like compliments better than food and almost more than air.

I swear I would work for gold stars and pats on the back before working for money. I think this is why I loved school so much - you did the work, you got the As.

In the world of business and 'real life', it's not so cut and dried. Too many nuances, power plays and strategies. And I don't like being criticized unless I am specifically asking for feedback. Which I am quite capable of doing.

Man, I seem to be feeling a bit foul tonite. I'm actually not in a bad mood; I just don't understand (or value) these social constructs.

Hello a lot of good info thanks for sharing

Dear Jilly -

I'm not sure the compliment issue is a social construct as much as it is young women and men being raised often to feel they're not worth the compliment. They're trained they are faulty. It's wonderful that you weren't raised that way! It's wonderful that you were raised to believe that you were worthy of receiving the compliment.

For many people, they are raised to believe they are NOT worthy of a compliment and that they do not deserve to accept it. That they didn't do well enough to get that compliment. Often it is that childhood feeling of "not worthy" that they are trying to overcome.

It would be lovely if everyone had a childhood like yours where a compliment was a warm, wonderful thing!

I am not used to being bad at things. I think that is why I have such trouble in the real world - i keep expecting a running flow of compliments. It motivates me to get more compliments.

Criticism brings me down.

Does criticism motivate others? I know a lot of people like a good kick in the pants. Not me: i am so hard on myself internally that I don't need more from others.