BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development What about when you ARE the energy vampire?

A lot of people talk about those who latch onto them to suck them of energy, people who drain off others' emotions to feed their despair.

A common term is energy vampire.

It's unsettling to hear this term, since the 'vampire' part of it seems to indicate it is a purposeful evilness. As in, "Bwahaha! I will suck you dry, since it is food to me!"

But what happens when you suspect YOU are the one being referred to? When you suspect people are pulling away from you and they won't tell you why? Does it help you when people just start giving you vagueness?

Well, it makes things worse for that person. Maybe you are protecting yourself, but by not explaining WHY you are making the 'vampire' more desperate to latch onto something to help them feel okay about themselves.

Is the "vampire" in the right here to use another's energy? No, but it may not be on purpose or conscious. Maybe one cannot be the energy conduit for another, but it would be better for the person protecting themselves to explain what they are doing.

Whoa, that's a good question.

When my daughter was a newborn, I was having lots of personal problems. I connected with this woman... I could tell I was really needy - and hated myself for feeling that way, but I didn't know what to do. She sent me an email saying no thanks to the friendship, that she didn't like being around someone who drained her so.

So, maybe it was really hurtful for her to say so, but I guess it changed how I interacted with people from that point on.

I've only met a couple of people I thought were "energy vampires," but haven't been close enough to tell them that. Just like I wouldn't tell an acquaintance that I thought their perfume was stinky, or that I hated their brownies. So, I guess if I don't know someone well, I'm not obligated to explain myself if I don't enjoy their company,ya know?

I think we all have moments when we need something... attention, love, understanding. It's too bad we can't always just reach out and have someone available to offer that. But I know, for me it's about reaching inward for something that I put on lock-down a long time ago

Personally, I think this person who was brave enough to tell you what she was doing is an angel. It's brave and honest. Admirable.

When I was in the eleventh grade I was pining over the loss of my first love. He was all i talked about. I didn't even know i was doing it.

One day one of my good friends told me she didn't want to hear any more about that boy. She told me that it was enough and that she was my friend but didn't want any more conversations to center around him or how i felt about him. That it was really boring for her.

It stunned me. But you know what? It was the most amazing thing anyone ever said to me. I had no idea what I was doing. Why would I want to bore someone? I didn't get over that boy because of what she said, but i sure stopped talking about him and my woes when I was around her. We went on just fine after that.

I still look back on her frank courage as a model for me, and i would hope, for others. The alternative was she would just back away and I would never know why, adding to my abandonment issues and digging a much deeper trench in my psyche.

Jilly, I do think that what your friend did was honest and admirable. And I would definitely do that for a friend - absolutely, and I have!

But this woman who told me I was so negative came across as so holier than thou, that it left me feeling shamed. I can't imagine a friend coming across that way.

But I do agree... it's good to know the truth.

I wouldn't just back away from someone I considered a friend - I've had that happen to me, and nope... it's not so good for those abandonment issues. The whole "it's not you, it's me," thing doesn't work well for me LOL.

So, did anything help you get over that boy, or did you just have to let time do it's own healing?

heh, I never really recovered from the pain of my first love. With time and distance it simply hurt less. I still think about him and we are friends on Facebook.

Regarding that ex-friend, i totally agree she could have said things in a much nicer way. There are always nicer ways to say things. One thing I really took to heart when I was an Outward Bound instructor was that you can like and support a PERSON, even if you do not like and support their behaviors.

I think there is much wisdom in realizing a person is not their behaviors. it kind of blew my mind when i first realized that, and I tried to teach it to my students on every wilderness program.

Oh that is so wise! You're right, none of us are our behaviors; we are tender souls underneath all this.

Hi Jilly, your last sentence (�a person is not their behaviors�) is profound and so true! I personally feel that it is always best to tell the truth and to tell it as quickly as possible. Honesty is a key element in all relationships - between friends, family, work & business colleagues, and even strangers. (JOY)

I did something huge the other day! A friend was telling me how she never, EVER, says things about people's flaws. Absolutely NEVER.

I thought about the many times she had to point out when someone's clothes don't match or when someone has a blemish on their face.

I said "yeah you do. You do it a lot."

She was shocked, but looked at me and said, "really?"

It was hard for me - I don't know why - but it felt good

Hi Deanna, it sounds like you were the first person who's ever had the courage to tell her the truth. This will most certainly change her life for the better. (JOY)