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#694124 06/09/11 01:40 PM
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Joy, may I bend your ear for suggestions please?

Some background: I was miserable for 37 years. Then (no pun intended) I 'found my joy.' My cousin showed me how we have a strong Native American ancestry. This brought me a sense of self that I'm still exploring. I'm thrilled that my self-image is much better-physically.

However, I still have underlying issues that I wrestle with every day. Temper, anger, snapping. I've always had a temper that only recently have I started trying to improve. Being angry is draining emotionally and physically.

Embracing the Native American culture is a tremendous help, but I know that I still have strong issues. I call them my buttons. I know exactly what triggers my anger. I've finally stopped swearing every other word--one accomplishment at least.

I know, long post--I'm sorry! Just wanted to give you some background. My productivity (my artwork) has stopped dead in its tracks. I haven't finished a painting in 2 weeks. I have 2 commissions waiting and I must get hopping!

How should I use my anger in a positive way? The doctor warned me that exerting strong physicality when angry, promotes violence and more anger so it's best to avoid that. Meditation doesn't always work, and breathing-laughs.

I need to get up my productivity again and control my temper somehow. Ideas? Tips? Suggestions? Help please!!

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.... #694133 06/09/11 02:06 PM
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Find the positive in the negative and channel that energy. When you are able to see the positive lesson inside the negative experience you take away the negative power leaving you focused.

Example:

Your teenage girl bickers with you constantly.

Negative Energy:
You bicker back, get hot headed, want to scream and remain frustrated.

Positive Energy:
Is achieved when you realize that you are raising a strong, successful, headstrong woman like yourself ... Acknowledge those positive qualities and the negative energy loses its power. Allowing you to regain focus and control over the self.

If you need assistance finding the positive in the negative I am happy to help you there as well. I don't know if you have a daughter so that generic lesson might not have the proper impact. If you site a "button" I can show you the channels. Learn to channel your energy and you will be amazed how quickly your creativity becomes unblocked.

There are also herbs to help calm and balance. If that is something you are interested in let me know.

Blessings to a creative day!



I look forward to reading your comments.

The evolution of humankind can be measured by how its animals are treated.

Deb Duxbury
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Thanks Deb!
All my children have 4 legs so their talking back is limited to meow and ruff. I'm the oldest of 4 sisters and 2 brothers. My mother chose substances over her children, so I, in essence became the mother of the family. I feel I've done plenty of child rearing so early on, that I don't want children.

Some of my biggest buttons:
1. Seeing a friend of family member picked on or harassed.
2. Ignorant, abusive or violent behavior towards children and animals.
3. Interfering with natural wildlife, ie attempting to domesticate wolves, or making elephants and bears perform for entertainment while truly being beaten behind the scenes, like Water for Elephants.
4. Blatant racism, ageism, bigotry and prejudice in any way, shape or form.

It's not just irritated or indignant. The computer screen doesn't show the trembling hands, racing heart, or fierce scowl that these things provoke in me. I don't like being angry! I feel like I'm wasting my life in angry feelings.

Thank you in advance for your help Deb!

Last edited by great_grandaughter; 06/09/11 03:37 PM.
.... #694156 06/09/11 03:44 PM
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Yes. It is easy to feel your energy. I understand your perspectives. First, at some point in time somebody needs to say well done to you for your efforts with your family.

I feel comfortable giving you this pat on the back as we share similarities in our backgrounds. Here comes an amazing fact for you that will likely take a minute to absorb ... Your creative channel opened in your life because of your upbringing.

... Just let that sit a minute before you attempt to get defensive.

Your creativity was strengthened by chronic exposure to a negative environment. Here's why - it was how you kept you. Once you realize this as a fact you will then realize that you have unintentionally trained your brain to access creativity when in crisis mode. This is not a fault. Let these words wash over you. Allow them to pass through you and you will "see."

So, what then has changed that crisis mode no longer produces desired creative results? Your brain and spirit are now tired and I believe you are seeking the lesson in all of the mess.

Hopefully, you are able to see the answer in this correspondence. Nobody can be directly told what their life lessons are - though many profit from such an act. I will point out what I see.

You sacrificed for the sake of your family.
The negative energy that binds you: You have not accepted the loss of your childhood and defy it to the core of your being. It consumes and when you see injustices inflicted upon another it rips open these wounds so they appear fresh, growing wider over the years. Your heart bleeds for all of the madness to stop and you feel the pain of others as if your own. This is a base trait to an Empath. This talent is latent in you only because you have not yet learned how to use it. The key - see the positive in the negative.

How to tame the negative?
Do not feel sorry for your life but mourn the loss of your childhood experiences. Once you've screamed in a wide open field and are left depleted reopen your new eyes. Once you let that negative power over you go you will feel, see, and sense a new beginning.

What did the negative teach you? You are a strong-willed, caring person, who did more than survive - she thrived. You learned from your mother what attributes to reject in the self, vowing to never become her. So don't. Hold to that promise you made to yourself. I know at some point in your life you vowed - when I am an adult and have control over my own life I will be happy.

Your body is telling to it's time to keep that promise. Listen to your body and release the hold that negative energy has over you. Thus far you have channeled your creativity through negative impact ... just imagine how your work is going to shine when you embrace your victory to those challenges.

It will unblock you by releasing your positive inner core. You will look at tough issues like animal abuse and no longer feel depleted by it. Rather, you will feel charged, empowered, full of the knowledge that you can make a difference.

I expect you will fight my words for a time. Though, I do not think it will be long. You are tired enough now to see the open doorway.

You have done an amazing job. Well done! Time now to grow in a different direction. If you find yourself fighting the self during the learning of this new perspective take St. John's Wort to gently aid you.

Blessings that these words find truth inside of you and bear the fruit of calm winds in your spirit.

Last edited by Deb - Animal Life; 06/09/11 03:55 PM.

I look forward to reading your comments.

The evolution of humankind can be measured by how its animals are treated.

Deb Duxbury
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.... #694176 06/09/11 05:43 PM
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Great Grandaughter,

I send hugs and prayers out to you . Deb has such wonderful thoughts for you to consider and think about.

You demonstrate so much eloquence and wisdom in your posts that it seems to be the path for you to follow. When we express positive and inspiring comments for others, it eventually heals that within us which we need healing for. For you to be able to reach out and express your feelings and desire to achieve peace is the first step in healing. You are a kind and loving person and it shows in the way you care for your animals and the fact that you raised your siblings without hesitation. Kindness and love can overcome much in life.

I have found over the years that when I chose to I could step around anger and frustration by expressing kinder thoughts and empathy for the source of my anger. If someone causes me to feel anger, I remember to step back and consider what exactly made me angry and why. Then I try to understand where that person is coming from and why they feel so insignificant that they must reach out to hurt others. If I can understand them in some way, then I am better able to overcome my anger and let the antagonist go on his/her way.

If it is anger I feel from an indirect source that is not close to me (ie: media reports of child abuse, animal abuse, abuse of any person, etc.) then I find a way to direct my anger into something that will aid the abused. One way I do this is through my writing. If I cannot physically or financially help the abused, I will pick up on the story, research other like stories and write an article that will help to bring awareness to others who may be able to help. This humble act helps considerably to replace anger at the situation with compassion for the victims and a determination to help, even if in a small way, to bring about a positive change.

Many people seem to go through life by getting a thrill out of causing anger in others and trying to find "buttons" to push. When they do find these buttons they push them until they have reached some sort of satisfaction or a feeling of "I won!" This type of situation I find easy to deal with. I put a lock on my buttons by not adding fuel to the fire of the pusher. This type of person is not worth my valuable time here on Mother Earth unless there is a way I see of helping them -- yet some prefer to derive their energy and pleasure from the anger or pain of others and do not want help. So I leave them to their own path.

Throughout my adult years, great spiritual leaders, like Nicholas Black Elk of the Oglala Sioux, have been a true inspiration for me. I find that anyone who suffered as the American Indians did yet can still write about inner peace and reach out to help others is profound and shows nobility and wisdom. I always turn to the wisdom of spiritual leaders when I feel stuck.

The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells Wakan-Taka (the Great Spirit), and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.

This is the real peace, and the others are but reflections of this. The second peace is that which is made between two individuals, and the third is that which is made between two nations. But above all you should understand that there can never be peace between nations until there is known that true peace, which, as I have often said, is within the souls of men.

Black Elk - Oglala Sioux

Last edited by Phyllis-Folk/Myth; 06/09/11 05:47 PM.

Walk in Peace and Harmony.
Phyllis Doyle Burns
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I ..um..don't know where to start. I read your post, read it again, went outside to yell and there was a massive thunderstorm just now!! Pouring rain, driving wind whipping the trees into a frenzy and thunder so loud it made my heart skip.

I'm literally and emotionally cooled off now and still shaken.

Yes, my anger seems to stem from 'mother issues' and sooner than wanted responsibility.

But..but if I accept what you say, then I must be grateful that my mother did what she did because it made me who I am today. She died 8 years and 2 weeks ago. Which ties in to my mood. She fueled my rage which in turn fueled my creative outlet.

When I found my joy, I struggled with creativity. So....

I'm making MYSELF NEGATIVE! I'm holding on to the negative to be creative! I CAN still express myself with paint and pencil and still be positive which could make my work better and my soul happier!

If I look at things more carefully, then I will see the positive natural circumstance that is attached to it--like Jane's article!
The Giving!

If I give thought and positivity to what I think, feel and do, it will keep the giving circle going forward in a good direction!

However, recognition of a 37 year habit is going to be an uphill battle to modify it! But giving name to it means I have no excuse to fall back on negative behavior patterns. *gulps*

Your "Well done" means so much to me Deb.

The rain is pattering gently now, the sky is hiccuping, but the storm has passed. The one in Nature and the one inside me.

miigwech

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Phyllis you're making me cry! *hugs n cries some more*

Thank you so much for reaching out offering so many good suggestions. I truly admire how you seem to find just the right words of wisdom, or ideal book or article for the perfect situation! You have a true gift of compassion. *need another tissue*

You quoted Nicholas Black Elk--one of my heroes!!

*ok ok last snuffle, cuz I'm making a fool of myself on here*

Phyllis may you always walk in wisdom and grace--I am so very honored to be your friend!

Deb, there aren't words enough to thank you for your amazing insight! I love this site! I was blessed the day I found BellaOnline!!

.... #694181 06/09/11 06:17 PM
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Awww... crying is such a healing process. The tears purify and cleanse the pain and negativity within.

I was just sitting out on my patio and saw Brother Hawk hovering over Grandfather Sage, where I put prayer ties for those in need of healing. I came in to make a prayer tie for you and will take it out to Grandfather Sage. Brother Hawk carries messages and prayers to the intended.

Some thoughts came to me as I watched Brother Hawk. He looked so peaceful and sure of himself. I wondered if some of the anger you have carried with you stems from the loss of your mother.

Do you think, that somewhere deep within, you are angry at your mother for leaving you with such a heavy burden? And -- did you ever have the time and space you needed to process the grief of losing your mother? Did you set aside that process in order to continue your mother's responsibilities that she was not able to complete?

These questions may provide further insight for you.


Walk in Peace and Harmony.
Phyllis Doyle Burns
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And ... you figured it out.

It will be a challenge - most things are. You did it. You weathered through the storm and saw the truth. From here you will grow.

Know that you are surrounded by people who understand and care. This will provide you needed sustenance during your trials.

Blessings that your new path have fewer bumps.


I look forward to reading your comments.

The evolution of humankind can be measured by how its animals are treated.

Deb Duxbury
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Thank you for your prayer ties Phyllis.

Angry at my mother for leaving me with a heavy burden? so much more each time I look at it.

I still haven't grieved for my mother. It sounds cold, but at this moment I -cannot- grieve for her. Most would say "but it was a long time ago!" For me it's still too fresh to pick at or think of for too long.

Setting aside the process!!--Great Spirit--you couldn't be more right on that! It never even crossed my mind, but it looks like that's EXACTLY what's going on!

There's so much to process and think about!

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