BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids my least favorite holiday

hi everyone,

I have to say I dread Mother's day every year. it's not my mom that is the problem, don't get me wrong, I love her. It's all the people assuming I am a mother and wishing me a Happy Mother's day.

At the store today the cashier said Happy Mother's day and then followed it up by asking me if I am a mother. I said no, and then she said that when I do become a mother, I will be a celebrated one. I didn't say anything further. I just wanted to grab my bags and go. It is just seriously annoying that this time of year even more people seem to ask me about kids. I notice that no one runs around the week of Father's day asking my husband if he is a father.

Does anyone else have this happen to them? what do you say?

I know exactly what you mean. I hate that.

Hi Marie751:

My heart goes out to you, it is kind of like when you don't have a man in your life and Valentine's Day rolls around. I am a mother, but do not have a relationship with my mom. So I dread this holiday for a different reason but it does depress me as her birthday is sometimes the same as mother's day (like this year).

It may not work for you, but I stay home on mother's day as I have no control over folks trying to be nice and not aware of how my insides feel.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing

Oh My Word Marie!

Tell me you're in America, you HAVE to be in America, that could never happen in Scotland (thank goodness!)

Still, this year I notice that one of our primetime shows runs a promo before it for some company or other that says "xxxxx... sponsors of mums!" And I'm like what the f***? How can you sponsor mums? And if you sponsor mums then are the rest of us women just not good enough for you? Because I'm pretty sure you make products that I can use, but now I'm not going to!

I have no time for Mother's Day because of the over commercialisation of it in the last decade. My mum is great, she knows I love her, my whole family are close, but my parents aren't into Hallmark holidays either, so it's a card and that's it. Mind you she was away this year so I couldn't do anything :-D

My man's mother likes to have all the kids round for dinner, but his sister has a kid and she makes it all about her being a mum so I just refuse now.

Thing is, the point of Mother's Day is for people to celebrate their OWN mother! It is categorically NOT a 'celebration of motherhood'! That's what society have turned it into and it was never what it was meant to be.

This happens to me too, so I try to avoid it as much as possible. However, this Mother's Day, I'll be working, so I'm sure I'll get all sorts of comments from patrons. Fortunately, most of the people in my area at work don't have children, so we're all going to be going through it together.

Several years ago when I spent many years trying to have a child (it didn't work out, and I'm all right with it now that I'm older), I went to a dinner with my parents for Mother's Day. The wait staff knew us because they always did the dinners for every event. At the end of the dinner, one of the ladies brought out roses. She handed one to my mom, then one to me while saying "Happy Mother's Day." Then she looked at me, grabbed my rose and took it back saying, "Oh, I forgot. You're not a mom." And walked away. I just got up and went into the bathroom. If it happened now, I might not react the same way I did then. But back then, it was a slap in the face and a reminder that I was infertile.

Needless to say, I don't go on Mother's Day anymore. My parents still do with my brother and his wife (they have tons of kids between them), so they have a great time. I send my mom a card and try to spend time with her the rest of the year not just on Mother's Day.

I'm not sure how tomorrow will turn out (I've never worked on Mother's Day before at this job), but at least we're all childfree. We do acknowledge that we're dogparents though.

I can't believe the woman grabbed the rose back. If you're good with not being a parent why nor celebrate with your mom? I was at an event with a dance studio I teach at. As I was leaving I made it a point to say happy mothers day to the mothers, one responded to me, "happy mothers day to you too you don't have to parent to celebrate you look after and teach our girls dance so you should celebrate too. I thought that was really nice!

Hi Marie, I certainly understand your feelings. I get the "when you have kids" comment from mothers all year round, not just on Mother's Day. It seems to me that these women have no comprehension that they are sticking their noses into what is a very private and personal issue that is between a woman and whomever she may want to have a child with. The use of the word "when" is loaded with all kinds of assumptions. I've started telling people there is no "when," I don't want to have any. Some are just silent after I say that, some are slightly more supportive and say if you don't want to have them, you shouldn't. I think to myself-no kidding, I didn't need you to tell me that. I wish people would use a little more sensitivity when talking to other women about children, instead of imposing their life choice to have a child on other women. It doesn't seem to occur to them that some women have fertility problems, may have had miscarriages, or have had a hysterectomy, or can't afford adoption. These women unknowingly put salt in an already sore wound for some women. I wish more people would think before they talk and assume. The other thing I don't like about Mother's Day is the kind of demand that you must love your mother or you are a bad person. Some people have wonderful mothers and they deserve to be celebrated. But it's unfair to expect people who were abused and neglected by their mothers to feel like celebrating this day. Maybe they don't love their mothers for good reason. It seems people don't want to acknowledge that not all mothers are loving towards their children. I'm sure this day puts salt in wounds for many people.

I don't hate Mother's Day, not at all, nobody asks me when I'll be a mother. BUT, today got me thinking of how much influence my Mom had in my decision to be CF.

Whether consciously or not, I wanted to get away as much as possible from her lifestyle. She had 4 kids by the time she was 25, and unfortunately married a man (my father) that she was not in love with (only teenage infatuation).
So.....I made SURE I married a man that I was crazy in love with (my husband) and even physically he's the total opposite of my dad. And now I'm making SURE that I won't go through all the heartache and sacrifices that she experienced raising me and my siblings.

I feel so sorry and sad that she didn't get to live a good life because of those 2 (bad) decisions (wrong man and having kids). I'll never know if I would have been more inclined to have kids had I seen her living a fulfilling and happy life. So...having married the love of my life and not having kids is my way of saying to her "Mom, it didn't have to be that way".
I know she's happy for me.

Random from Scotland really hit the nail on the head...somewhere along the way, Mother's Day turned into a completely over-the-top celebration of motherhood and how phenomenal it is to be a mother. I find myself becoming very sensitive on this day and ready to pounce on the next person who tries to be sweet and wish me a happy day. But, I do try to keep it in perspective. Mother's Day is about celebrating my own my mom who is a great woman for many different reasons, including her role as a mother.

I am able to revel in Mother's Day because I have a wonderful golden retriever who is my most perfect baby. If you're an animal lover like me you can find your own joy in being a great mother to your pet. I have unconditional love for my dog, and he has unconditional love for me. He never disagrees with me and is always happy to see me. Makes a perfect mother-child situation for my taste! :)

kc2500, I agree. goldens are wonderful. I too, prefer the company of a pet to the responsibility of a child.