I care deeply for a person, I have a relationship with them (so I'm too close) whom I've observed such a state that it's almost painful to be around. A turn of events has taken this person down a road a perversion, basically. I can see/feel how dark this area is for the person, however they seem to be quite happy with it.

If a person surrounds themselves with dysfunction in the face of peace and serenity (they are living in an atmosphere of peace, pleasant retreat) but are repelled by it, restless... is it that they too are dysfunctional as in like attracting like finding comfort in being with their own?

They are happiest when surrounded by dysfunction people and dark/perverted, images and I feel strongly not to intervene. To do this I must cut myself off completely. So, I'm trying to look at it from a Spiritual/philosophical view.

Any thoughts?

Hi Elleise,

I know what you mean. It's a difficult thing to observe, isn't it? But people feel comfortable being in an environment that resonates with their same vibrational energy.

Case in point, a local run-down bar got sold to a new owner who refurbished the place. New paint, new furniture, clean and bright. The old patrons left. Business failed and the place got resold to a new bar owner who let the place run down again. Guess what? The old patrons--alcoholics, bar flies and derelicts--returned to that dark, dank, dirty, dilapidated bar because that's where they felt most comfortable.

Your outer world reflects your inner world. And vice versa.

I talk to dysfunctional people who say that being around people who have it together only reminds them of how far they have sunk in life. On the other hand, they gravitate toward other dysfunctional people because 1. they don't feel so bad about themselves and 2. they sympathize with the other dysfunctional folks.

It's a tough situation for you. It's hard to cut yourself off from someone you really love. You can love the person but reject the behavior though. You can love the person and not choose his life path for him.

His spirit simply may want this experience for this particular time. Even what some might call dysfunction is still a life experience.

You intuitive you...

Is there really a tavern that was refurbished or did you, like my dad would, lol, give me a visual? Which is what I do best by.

I have this saying, "You are the company you keep. So, if you surround yourself, repeatedly, with a certain type of persons, there's something there.

Sometimes, it can be like a fish out of water and you're surrounded by whatever and it isn't quite you, but when you keep going back again, to the same type of thing...

Either you need to keep going through it, again and again, until you've learned something, outworn something that doesn't work for you, etc. or you're avoiding something, as you said, (exactly by the way), surrounding yourself with situations that make you feel better by involving yourself with people who are even more dysfunctional, lost, distracted than yourself.

It is a hard situation.

Everything as it is, if everything is as it should be, it's almost a side step i think that I need to do. Get out of the way. I don't have the right word.

Before I would want to protect the person though.

It is natural for us, Elleise, as women to want to protect an erring child, or in this case an adult who has been so loved by you.

Sometimes we do have to get out of the way and let the person who has chosen a path not in harmony with us to just let them go.

If you stay in a situation that is increasingly negative just to try and help someone who does not want your help, then you will go down with him.

Leo Buscaglia, a professor of SCU and a teacher of love, was also an author and lecturer. One of the things he said many years ago has stuck with me and has became a part of my philosophy in life. He mentioned a situation like you wrote about and said, "The thing to tell this person is, I am going to open my wings and follow my heart and fly -- you can come with me or you can stay in your stagnant space. But, I am going to fly!"