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#673016 - 03/26/11 07:13 PM missed miscarriage march 2011
Happy Birthday kileyjo9 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 03/26/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Nebraska, USA
My husband and i found out we were pregnant on dec 18th 2010. It was the morning of our family christmas party and we were so excited to tell everyone. We have a 2 year old son so i had him tell everyone by saying "im gonna be a big brother" there was probably 40 of my family there; it was so exciting. The 3 of us went for my 12 week checkup and the doctor found the heartbeat with the doppler right away and it was strong-about 180 bpm. I thought i was in the clear because your chance of miscarriage goes down to 5% after 12 weeks. I went back alone for my 16 week checkup on march 9th 2011 and the doctor couldnt find a heartbeat with the doppler. She took out the ultrasound and i saw my baby on the screen, with no movement, and no blinking dot for the heartbeat. I was devistated. My doctor hugged me and was so supportive. It was the worst day of my life. I called my husband right away and he came to the dr office. She explained to us that the baby died around 13 weeks, so had been lifeless for the past 3 weeks. I couldnt believe that it had been that long and i didnt know. I wasnt sick anymore but just thought that was because i was done with the first trimester, and other than that i had no bleeding and no pain. It was awful. I had a d&c the next day and we are having a chromosome test done that will tell us if anything went wrong genetically and what the sex was. I am ready to name my baby and then put this behind us. I have been so depressed and i just want to get pregnant again so i can be happy again. I feel like this is the only way i will be truly happy again. My doctor said i should get my period 4 to 6 weeks after the procedure and can trying again after my 1st period. This has been the most devastating time of my life and i just want it to be over. My son luckily is too young to be upset by this. I didnt tell him what happened, but he knew just by listening to my conversations. He will be 3 in may and is smart enough to know that something is wrong and that the baby is gone. before this happened he talked about it all the time, saying cute things like "baby want out", "baby in mama tummy", and telling us he was going to be a big brother. He would say he wanted to kiss the baby and would kiss my tummy, and when we would ask if it was a boy or girl he always said girl and i think he is right. after this happened the next day he said. Baby out of your tummy? i said yes and he said "get new baby." and kissed me. It amazed me that he knew and it helped to know that he was trying to comfort me because he knew my heart was broken. I love my angels, both of them. To all the women that have lost a baby just know, that love begins before a baby is born, and that love will live forever in our hearts. RIP my precious baby, i love you more than you know.

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#675809 - 04/06/11 09:10 PM Re: missed miscarriage march 2011 [Re: kileyjo9]
Happy Birthday kileyjo9 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 03/26/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Nebraska, USA
so just wanted to give an update to anyone who cares to listen. Ive been completely obsessed with getting pregnant ever since this happened. I think I got my period on march 19th (only 9 days after the procedure so not sure if i really did or not) and if thats the case and i am pregnant now it will be due christmas eve, not really what i would have wanted in the beginning but i really dont care about that stuff now i just want to get pregnant. i bought ovulation tests and have been taking them every day for the past 2 weeks and none of them have been positive so i just dont know what is going on with my body right now and its frustrating. ive always wanted a little girl and now that i have a boy i really want a girl now even more. i would have found out the sex last week if i was still pregnant. instead i found out yesterday when the results came back, it was a girl. i had my girl and now she is gone. i hate this whole situation it just sucks so bad. i am still so depressed and i know until i see a positive pregnancy test i wont be happy. why do these things have to happen? so back to the test-we had a chromosome test done, they tested the placenta and the chromosomes for genetic issues. thankfully everything came back normal, nothing wrong with the placenta and normal chromosomes. it just makes me wonder if i did something wrong even though the doctor says i didnt. i know i probably had too much caffeine at times, which i really cut back to practically none, maybe one pop every other day or something and i did have one of those tiny styrofoam cups of coffee one or two occasionally but not very often; but now i have given it up completely because i want no excuse for this to happen again. i already told my husband that i dont want to have sex after we get pregnant because ive heard that if youve had a miscarriage that you may want to shy away from sex in some cases. i was vomiting alot from morning sickness and sometimes i would make myself because it was the only thing that would make me feel better(sorry if too much info); but i know alot of women get sick in the first trimester so i dont think that could have done any harm. The only thing that really makes sense is that there was something physically wrong with the baby and it was 'just one of those things'. i am just completely obsessed with this whole thing that i think about it all day long. when i see other women that are pregnant i feel so jealous and angry at the same time. i dont like seeing babies because it makes my heart hurt knowing i should be 20 wks pregnant right now, i should be feeling the baby kick and be showing enough that it is obvious that im pregnant, but instead theres nothing. no kicks, no bump. thank God i have my little boy to put joy in my life, or i would really be a mess. is it just me or do any of you feel this obsession with wanting to know everything about what happened and with getting pregnant again? i just feel helpless and hopeless; i dont even know what to do with myself anymore.

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#675933 - 04/07/11 05:46 PM Re: missed miscarriage march 2011 [Re: kileyjo9]
Angela J. Shirley Offline
Tiger

Registered: 07/22/10
Posts: 6412
Hi kileyjo9:

I am so sorry to hear about all what you are going through. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away. Do what you need to do to get through TODAY. Too many times we try to deal with too many things at a time. And we are here if you need us.


Originally Posted By: kileyjo9
so just wanted to give an update to anyone who cares to listen. Ive been completely obsessed with getting pregnant ever since this happened. I think I got my period on march 19th (only 9 days after the procedure so not sure if i really did or not) and if thats the case and i am pregnant now it will be due christmas eve, not really what i would have wanted in the beginning but i really dont care about that stuff now i just want to get pregnant. i bought ovulation tests and have been taking them every day for the past 2 weeks and none of them have been positive so i just dont know what is going on with my body right now and its frustrating.
ive always wanted a little girl and now that i have a boy i really want a girl now even more. i would have found out the sex last week if i was still pregnant. instead i found out yesterday when the results came back, it was a girl. i had my girl and now she is gone. i hate this whole situation it just sucks so bad. i am still so depressed and i know until i see a positive pregnancy test i wont be happy. why do these things have to happen?
so back to the test-we had a chromosome test done, they tested the placenta and the chromosomes for genetic issues. thankfully everything came back normal, nothing wrong with the placenta and normal chromosomes. it just makes me wonder if i did something wrong even though the doctor says i didnt. i know i probably had too much caffeine at times, which i really cut back to practically none, maybe one pop every other day or something and i did have one of those tiny styrofoam cups of coffee one or two occasionally but not very often; but now i have given it up completely because i want no excuse for this to happen again. i already told my husband that i dont want to have sex after we get pregnant because ive heard that if youve had a miscarriage that you may want to shy away from sex in some cases. i was vomiting alot from morning sickness and sometimes i would make myself because it was the only thing that would make me feel better(sorry if too much info); but i know alot of women get sick in the first trimester so i dont think that could have done any harm. The only thing that really makes sense is that there was something physically wrong with the baby and it was 'just one of those things'. i am just completely obsessed with this whole thing that i think about it all day long.
when i see other women that are pregnant i feel so jealous and angry at the same time. i dont like seeing babies because it makes my heart hurt knowing i should be 20 wks pregnant right now, i should be feeling the baby kick and be showing enough that it is obvious that im pregnant, but instead theres nothing. no kicks, no bump. thank God i have my little boy to put joy in my life, or i would really be a mess.

is it just me or do any of you feel this obsession with wanting to know everything about what happened and with getting pregnant again? i just feel helpless and hopeless; i dont even know what to do with myself anymore.
_________________________
fishMy Blog: How To Survive Unemploymentfish

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