BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce What do you think causes divorces?

I've read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I'm not sure if that's the same guy but it's certainly a fine line to walk when you're strong, self-sufficient or protect yourself with distance.

I know I'm different now, but I know I can be too independant sometimes emotionally. I think that can in itself put distance in a relationship that has to be balanced with a softer side. BUT, too dependant on someone else to make you happy or whatever it is you need, if it's someone or something else providing it other than yourself, it's going to be painful if for some reason someday, it's no longer there.

Do you ever find yourself being a comittment phobe or with one?

I'm happily single. But from what I observe I think you can start with three I's:

Infidelity: Being unfaithful to your partner.

Incompatibility: Not sharing the same "wavelength" of thought or emotions with your partner. (Or not backing up your spouse when punishing the kids, for example).

Inattention: Treating your partner with too little attention, respect, or taking them for granted.

I'd say this covers a lot of the reasons you see folks in Divorce Courts and hear their stories. For what it's worth. (shrug)

I'd say those are about perfect.

I remember being so TERRIFIED of being married, for a number of reasons, but basically I was content, self-sufficient and loved meeting new people. I hate routine.

After awhile I began questioning myself though. I always look under my own stones and don't really want to be my own think-tank.

The bulk of why I didn't want to get married was because every single marriage I ran into 4-7 years later was in shambles, like is this all there is, even if they didn't come right out and say it publically, if we were talking, they weren't content in the relationship.

I couldn't understand why if you cherish something as soon as you get married, is that something that is taken for granted?

I could understand if you left a marriage due to marrying the wrong person. These days there doesn't seem to be a lot of thought preparing but for weddings and honeymoons.

But to stay in a marriage and go back and forth or from person to person, that seems more like instant gratification and if that's all your partner's worth, your partner can do better.

People expect everything to be honey and roses and can't handle the bumps. We have low expectations so that is exactly what happens. If you know you are in a marriage for the long haul, then it has a chance of happening.