BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Autism Spectrum Disorders Taking Asperger's Seriously

A note to begin with - my son has Asperger's, my brother does, my father does, my sister does, her son does, I do, all to different extents, and I'm sure many other of our family members do.

A few of us were discussing in another thread that it can seem at times that Asperger's isn't taken seriously by people without it. That is, because a person with Asperger's "looks normal" they are expected by society to act perfectly in accordance with all of society's rules. They can be treated harshly as a result if they say or do something which does not follow those rules.

There are 48 million people worldwide who have autism or Asperger's. As they move through their daily tasks, and interact with general society, how do they handle the interactions as smoothly as they can? Do they wear a shirt that says "be patient with me, I have Asperger's"? Do they preface every new contact at a bank or dentist or other fairly long-term-relationship with an explanation?

As a tangential thought, apparently in the last two weeks 1.5 million Americans were suffering from depression. So they in essence face this same issue of having inner challenges. How do they help ensure they are "treated with understanding" as they try to navigate the normal activities of life?

In a way are we all facing internal issues, at all times, and we all should be patient with each other?

Is part of this that we all, in all of our daily activities, be far more understanding of people who act in a way that does not please us? If someone we interact with misperceives a situation, if someone takes an action we do not agree with, if someone does something that makes us upset, should we be forgiving and understanding with them, since we do not know what issues they might have going on that they are dealing with?

I was cracking a joke with my new caseworker that i should wear a button: Ask me about ASPERGERS!

We thought that was fun.

I am the only one in my immediate or extended family like this. I do not know anyone in my 'meat life' social group with this condition. I think it would be easier to be around others who were from the same planet. (that is how I think about it).

Ah but maybe we DO know people who are like this and we just don't realize it! Maybe the times we get annoyed with someone for acting in a way we don't agree with, it is because they have something going on in their brain that is affecting their social behavior!

Maybe everyone should wear a t-shirt each day listing their current situations. I believe on any given day 5% of people are depressed. Maybe that makes them do things they normally wouldn't do. Would we give them a little more slack, if we realized that?

Or if someone we run into acts in a way that upsets us, maybe they have Asperger's and simply didn't respond to the situation in a way that we would have liked.

Maybe because we have Asperger's we expect an action that most people would find an unnatural action to expect to happen! I.e. maybe they are acting in a "typical" way and it's our expectations that are atypical!

There's all sorts of permutations

Lisa I am so grateful for this thread. I have read it out to my brother who was diagnosed with Aspergers 10 years ago. We are grateful that as an adult he was able to get a formal medical diagnosis. Forgive me if I do not have this fully correct - I am discussing this issue with my brother over the phone and not checking sources - but my understanding is that Hans Asperger, an Austrian paediatrician working in the 1940s, originally identified the condition, recognising similarities in the group of boys he was working with. His work was translated into English several decades later, and thus not recognised in the majority of the western world until c20 years ago.

Thus there may be many adults who have the condition who have not and may never be diagnosed.

My brother and I have have discussed the fact that whilst there is an austic spectrum there is also an aspergers spectrum. Some people with aspergers seem to be able to fully function in the world (even though this may not be easy for them). Others are more obviously different, and may find it harder to cope with day to day living and one to one and group interaction.

My brother was diagnosed at age 30, and this diagnosis only materialised because we fought for it - it was not something the medical establishment was prepared to give willingly.

In the UK my perception is that Aspergers often falls between mental health and learning difficulties/disabilities, and as such has not had a home or coherent suport mechanism. Is this the same in the US?

I would welcome any response, feedback or discussion on this issue. It would be very interesting to hear from people who have been diagnosed, who feel they have Aspergers traits but have not had a formal diagnosis, people who have family members with a dignosis or with traits that they think may be aspergers related or from people who have worked with/researched autistic specturm disorders and Aspergers.

My ex-husband, and the father of my children has never been diagnosed; but I would bet money he has Aspergers. He was always a little "different". Aspergers was not widely known when we were young. It is only in the past 10 years that I have read about it and realized that he and my oldest son both have it. Neither one has ever been diagnosed, but they are textbook.

The most prominent feature of both of them is their complete inability to "read" people. My son is 33 and he has never fit in. They have no concept that they are acting completely inappropriately. I wish I had known about Aspergers years ago, maybe I could have helped them both. My ex so commonly would embarrass me and the kids to the core, that the year after our divorce all the kids (I have 4, 1 daughter and 3 sons) did so much better in school and with their friends. Usually kids don't do so well immediately after parents split but the constant threat of humiliation was gone.

I know I would not still be with my ex, regardless; but it is heartbreaking that I could have worked with both my ex and my son if I had only known what I was dealing with.

Lisa, that was quite eloquently stated. Many people who don't see a physical disability think that people who have "invisible challenges" are just faking it. This attitude is something that I abhor. When a high school student writes (forming letters and sequencing them across the page) like a pre-schooler, and that's the very best that they can truly produce, it irritates me when others expect them to be effective note-takers using a pen and paper. Good grief, would they expect a person without a leg to run a 10K?

Asha,I never formally thought about there being an Asperger spectrum. I know that folks with Asperger's are different. Wow! Do I really know that. I have taught many folks with Asperger's, and they are all over the map different. People who expect all people with Asperger's to have the same levels of challenges in the same areas are completely off base.

Our son was taking a psychology class and they read the DSM-IV guidelines for diagnosing Asperger's. I asked him what he had learned. "Mom, I have it big-time!" He does not have an official diagnosis. When he was younger, diagnosis was more difficult to obtain. He just hits all of the criteria, except one.

This is a great thread. We should be aware that all people are coping with something. In life, we have choices. We can make things better, or we can make them worse. I always struggle to be better than I naturally am. It means choosing compassion over judgement and taming my temper.

Connie what is the criteria that your son doesn't hit? Do you know of any studies that have been done to look at whether some criteria are more prevalent than others, or whether certain criteria are more common in groups? If not, it would be a fascinating research subject for anyone who wanted to take up the challenge...

What are DSM-IV guidelines?

Helen have you talked to your ex-husband or your son about the fact you think they could have Aspergers? I know for my brother it was a huge relief when it was raised for him - it helped give him a map of understanding, hooks to hang behaviours he knew were different but could not explain on. I have frequently had people say to me that they think they, their partner. ex-partner, sibling, lover or child has Aspergers (far more often attributed to men than women). With a child it is easier in this society to get them tested, get them into the system. For people that are older it may forever remain an unknown.

my cousins eldest son has aspergers and to be honest this medical condition isnt that well known in our society, what i mean by that is that not many people have heard of this problem, i took him and my cousin to thw hospital in sunderland and was amazed at what i saw with the other asperger patients that were there. there was girls and boys of various ages playing on the floor in a playing area with toys that were meant for babies, little toy cars were played with by 15 year olds and older children, what i did notice was that each one of them had a similar tale to tell, they all loved computers and were all experts on them, my cousins son is far advanced on them but in other aspects in other subjects wasnt as good. the hacker that tapped into the american computers is an aspergers sufferer

Hi Asha,
I have not mentioned it to my ex as we do not have much contact anymore. I have mentioned it to my son, but he is not very receptive to my suggestion and prefers to think of himself as a "Crystal Child" or something. But I do intend to keep bringing it up as opportunity presents.