Hi braves:
Being a step parent is never easy and hats off to you for trying.
Please seek some counseling as there is never an easy or just one solution to what you are going through.
You love your husband, and will have to accept him for who he is although I agree, he needs to take care of this legally.
As far as your step daughter acting standoffish, that is normal. She is probably going through her own changes and her mom's household is not helping her deal with them. Right now she is probably so confused, so try not to take her behavior personally.
Right now, you need to take care of you = talk, vent, heal - whatever it takes to eliminate the hurt and rejection you are feeling. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We do care!
Angela