BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Loving What Is

OK Jilly let's start there. You have an ideal image of the low-drama quiet life that others lead, and you feel disappointed that you don't have that kind of a low drama life.

When we hear from other editors, though, do you really get a sense that other editors have a low drama life? Or do you get a sense that they have just as much drama going on in their lives - if not more - just of different types of situations?

That is, is there really a "low drama" life out there, or is it a myth that we concoct and imagine, sort of like a mythical Atlantis?

Think about how calm your life has gotten! You have a stable home. You can get checks with your address! You have your own mailbox! Yes you have tires that pop and other issues - but those are the small daily issues that are a normal part of life. Think of all the editors dealing with special needs children, and caring for senile parents, and dealing with rampaging exs, and being hounded by debt collectors, and so on. In comparison you go on relaxing hikes, and work in peace and quiet, and can take a lovely vacation! Your tire pops, and you get a new one!

Many people would look at your life and dream of such a low drama existence for themselves

So then you need to think - is my life really incredibly high drama, or is it my *perception* of a mythical zero drama state that makes my life seem wildly out of control in comparison? Where do I really fall on the range of normal drama right now?

For example if you asked the editors how many had been hit by a virus in the past year, a number of hands would go up That's normal living on the net. It's OK!

Deb -

That's great that you read and connected with her too! I agree that she does a great job of explaining the change in thinking and her examples really help a lot.

It is so true - what other people do is outside of your control. It can't help to worry about it. It's enough of a job just taking care of your own thoughts and actions

I've been thinking about this thread a lot and I wanted to add a thought. This is NOT about saying "my life is harder than someone else's" or making those kinds of comparisons. It's not about saying "well you just had two parakeets die, plus a cat die, plus your other cat has had serious kidney issues twice in the past few months, but in comparison I had X pet die and Y pet die and therefore ..." It's not about comparing and judging at all.

What it is about is realizing that what we expect life to be is what is harming us. We create unrealistic expectations that do not match up with reality. And it's that disconnect that hurts us. We expect life to be something it is not. We don't simply accept the way life is as "normal". Clearly the way our life is *is* normal, because it's what life is doing!

It's like being on the ocean in winter and being upset that the seas are choppy. We want them to be calm. Yes, but the way the ocean is in winter is choppy, and things go more smoothly if we accept that and then work with it. If we sit there in the choppy seas being upset and grumpy and wishing we could have "normal" calm seas, it won't help the situation any.

Yes we can make the calm choice of "I realize that logically winter seas are choppy, and I now set a goal to relocate myself to Kansas and live on the land, where I do not get affected by winter seas." That would be a healthy goal. But it's important to do that from a calm base of saying "These winter seas are normal for the location and time I am in."

And even if we say a wild winter storm comes up when you're out on those winter seas, it is still normal for winter seas to have wild storms in them. So again you accept that wild winter storms are a normal part of living on a winter sea, and if you have become very anti-winter-seas, then you can choose to move to Kansas.

Hi Lisa, your �choppy seas� analogy is a good one! (JOY)

I have been reading this thread, and definitely want to get this book now!

I just recently started the Complaint Free Program {every November - Thanks Living } and that has definitely helped me to be more at peace with what is.

Currently my challenges are my husband. He suffers from depression and has anger issues, but is not really motivated to do anything about it.

I can't change him, and honestly, I get tired of dealing with it. So, I look at my purple bracelet and think "I don't want to have to switch you to the other arm and start over - so - how can I see this a different way?"

Most of the time it's hard to see it a different way {like this morning}. But, I can tell myself that I have a lot of other great things going on.

He is how he is... he's a good provider, he fixes stuff around the house, he'll take my son to school in the morning if I don't feel like getting myself out of bed early, he's a great cook. So, I focus on those instead.

Deb, I really enjoyed reading your post! I know one of my issues is loving that alternate reality LOL! You know, the one where I'm super slim, famous, and very very loved and looked after.

I recently saw my ex fiance's new wife on facebook Grrr.... she looks so happy! I got so depressed :sad: All I could think of was "If I hadn't left him, that happiness would be mine."

But I know that's not true. I left him for a reason - we were not a good match. That happiness would not be mine... Happiness is my own responsibility - not someone else.

Deb, Joy, Lisa, Eleise, Phyllis, Jill, Deanna (and anyone else I have missed who has constributed to this thread)

I have been aware of and practised on-and-off Byron Katie's work over several years. I saw Byron Katie talk and work with members of the audience at Alternatives in London, and one of the most powerful pieces of work she did was with an American - if my memory serves me right I think the issue may have been with George Bush...

I have found The Work most helpful when done 1-1 with another person who is learning and/or has understanding of the technique. I also think it is easier to start with issues to do with other people (which so often are actually about ourselves). The power of the technique seems to be drilling in to the questions, cycling back on them if needed again and again until you get to the ultimate truth which can often be extremely simple.

To expand on the website link Deb put up there are some links that may be useful starting points:

Instructions For Doing The Work

Judge Your Neighbour Worksheet

The Do The Work Helpline - free service for people new to The Work

Hi Asha, thanks for your insight and also for the related links. (JOY)

Ive been thinking about this a lot and trying to make it relate to me somehow. I don't feel like my seas are any more choppy than anyone else's But I do feel like I make things more into a problem than they would be for someone else. I want to be able to handle things and be done with them. Not to blow everything up onto this huge ordeal. So from that stance, how do I work with this?

Hi Jilly, it�s very easy to perceive an incident as yet another terrible thing. One way round this is to look at it from a different perspective. If you only had a week to live, would you look on it differently? How much does it really matter in the long run? Another tip is to welcome everything that comes your way (good and bad) as opportunities for becoming stronger hence the well-known saying � �Problems make the man�! (JOY)