My husband and I decided that we were ready to have a baby a year and a half ago. At first, trying to get pregnant was so fun and exciting! I went off birth control, and we tried for several months. At first, I wasn't really worried because I had been on birth control for 8 years and I heard it can take some time to get out of your system. My cycle has always been very regular, and one month almost a year into trying my period skipped for an entire month. I was to nervous to take a test because I didn't want to be disappointed. I was really tired, and had morning sickness, so I was pretty sure I was pregnant. 3 weeks after my period should have started, I started bleeding. It got really heavy and more painful than any period I have ever had. I can't know for 100% but I am pretty sure that was my first miscarriage. 2 months later I found out I was pregnant again, and almost immediately miscarried. I went to a doctor after that, and he put me on metphormin to increase my fertility and I got pregnant again 2 months later. When the test was positive, I was so excited, but scared at the same time. I was so sick that I couldn't really do anything, but I was ok with that. About a month after the positive test, I started spotting, and I didn't feel sick anymore. I kinda new what was happening, but I didn't want to even think it. That night I woke up in the middle of the night because I was having the worst cramps I have ever had. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but my husband said I was crying and screaming hysterically. The next day I went into the doctor and they told me that I had lost another baby. I didn't need surgery because my body took care of it. I was so upset. My doctor decided to run some tests to see if we could find out what is happening. They found that I had a bacteria that has been associated with miscarriage and a positive ana test. The doctor put me on anti-biotics, and an asprin regimen and said to start trying again. We are back to trying, but I am really scared. I have been having a really difficult time handling the first three. I have clinical depression and I have been off my meds since we started all of this and it's getting harder and harder. I am seeing a therapist to try and help, but I don't know how much it's really helping. I feel like I miss the babies that died. Some days, I don't even think about it, then I am suddenly just hit with the pain. I am so scared to keep trying, but I want a baby more than anything in the world. My doctor seems confident that we should be more successful this time, but he can't guarantee anything.