BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Reduce Stress by Always Expecting the Unexpected

A very warm welcome to the Self Development Forum !

So much of stress is caused by the unexpected occurring. Did you know that you can significantly reduce your stress levels simply by expecting that the unexpected will happen and always planning for this?

See: Reduce Stress by Always Expecting the Unexpected

I'd love to receive your feedback so do add your comments, queries, thoughts, etc., to this Forum thread. I look forward to hearing from you!

That is a good article, but how does one specifically expect the unexpected?

Thanks for the feedback Jilly. Your query's answered in a forthcoming article! (JOY)

You are so right. We should always look at the unexpected as a blessing, forever finding the good in every situation.

Hi Pinnacle, nice to see you on this forum. Thanks for the feedback! (JOY)

Great article Joy.

I'm delighted you liked it. (JOY)

Hey Joy, I really enjoyed this article! And it's so true! My husband and I were just arguing, uh, hummm... I mean discussing, how a recent extra expense didn't need to throw us into a depression while waiting for pay day to arrive.

I'm doing okay with it, but he just can't seem to get over it :::sigh::: And honestly being upset doesn't change a single thing - while I, on the other hand, have been having a pretty splendid day

Yes Deanne, it�s not worth getting upset over things that you have NO control over. And one can never prevent �the unexpected�! (JOY)

Hi Joy

I kept meaning to tell you this was a great article. I used to get all bent out of shape about all kinds of things a few years back then I just realized that it wasn't worth it to spend my energy on that.

Now when things don't go my way, I just try to see if there is a lesson that the universe is trying to teach me or maybe things out of my control are a sign that I need to slow down and be grateful for what I have.

If all else fails I pull an E.T. (Eckhart Tolle) and I wallow in it 110% and allow myself to have a complete meltdown which lasts for all of 5 minutes then I start laughing at how ridiculous that is. Haven't done that in a while but it helped me a lot back when I was struggling with the unexpected.

E.T. on End of Suffering and on being Quite Ordinary

Joy, great article, and Monica, I really liked what you had to say about Eckhart Tolle's approach too. I would say this is very Buddhist also - that part of the Buddhist path is learning to let go of our expectations, judgment and control, and just deal with what 'is'. And that really is the key to lowering our stress - AND to being able to be happy with our life no matter what is going on.

Maybe there's something strange in my brain, but i would like to discuss specific ways to expect the unexpected.

For example, say i am looking forward to a hike with a friend. Should I assume that there's a good chance it won't happen? In my recent case I had an actual plan for this, then my cat died and my friend's cousin died...neither of us were in any shape to be social. But I feel sad that my one day i made a plan to hike with someone fell through.

In this case, when i make a plan, should I mentally allow space for it to not happen, or at least not go as expected?

Another example - I am thinking i want a vacation from this heat here and being trapped in the AC. I am trying to plan a camping trip in the mts or something where i can actually get outside. Would it be best, once I have plans made, to allow for it to possibly rain the whole time, or be really bad with mosquitoes, or something else unfortunate that keeps me from being outside? Or that I might have a car accident or get sick or something?

I am not being flippant - i am really serious. I want to be happy and i think disappointment gets in the way at times. How exactly does one expect the unexpected?

I get where you're coming from Jill. It's hard to let go of wanting to feel in control and allowing events to be in charge vs. the other way around.

We're in CA for 5 days and we planned to go hiking in Big Bear but guess what when we got here we forgot all our gear. How retarded is that! I could freak about it or we can go with the flow and MacGyver our hiking for the next 3 days.

I prefer the MacGyver path. No sense in worrying or stressing or wishing things were different. They are what they are and we must deal or as E.T. says surrender to the moment.

Maybe you and your friend could've still met but not for hiking. Maybe something less physical that would've helped you both feel better. It's just a matter of letting go of expectations and looking at what's in front of you and doing the best you can at that moment.

Sure you can plan for your whole trip to get rained on but then again maybe you'll be carrying so much gear and get overly exhausted and then no rain or mosquitos will ever come.

We planned for nothing but rain on our trip to Oregon Washington in June and when we got there it was hot and no rain all week and we had packed so much friggin gear it hardly fit in the trunk. We were just laughing about our expectations the entire time

Hi Monica, thanks for your kind feedback, also for the 2 links! (JOY)

Lisa, many thanks for your Buddhist insight into this topic. (JOY)

Hi Jilly, in answer to your 2 queries, �Expecting the Unexpected� is being aware of the fact that there�s always the chance that a trip or event may not happen. Decide in your mind what you would do if it came to that. That way, when things do not go to plan, you are much less disappointed and already have options in place for what you would do instead. (JOY)

I'm told by many that by expecting the unexpected that I'm being pessimistic. Yet, when a curve ball is thrown at me, I manage to go with the flow and keep panic at bay.

Ways I expect the unexpected? If I am to go to the store, I always check to see what is needed or we will starve in case something happens like car trouble, a meeting I forgot, or anything to prevent me going to the store. That way I know that a quick stop at a convenient store that is open 24 hours will get us through the night. In a way, I always look at worse case scenario and try to be prepared.

Hi Rebecca, it's strange that they see that as "being pessimistic". Your examples of how you prepare for all eventualities is just being a realist. After all, you never know what's 'around the corner'. (JOY)

I think for me, expecting the unexpected is not necessarily planning that things won't go as I expected, but more going with the flow.

For instance, Wednesday and Thursday I had all these plans. Then my mom had to go to the ER for a uterine tract infection. I thought I would get to take her home yesterday - nope. So, now my plans for today are pretty much shot too.

As I'm feeling frustrated about canceling plans (again) I tell myself, well, thank heavens it's not something terribly serious like LAST month when she was in the hospital.

And since I have to run into town ANYWAY to go see her, I'll stop at a store I normally wouldn't.

And since I'll be running around, I'll pick up a Low Carb Burger for lunch - and that will be nice and easy.

So, where I'm aware that things may not go my way, I know I'm capable of going with the flow, and finding another way around it.

With the loss of your kitty, I know this is much harder. But you've been allowing yourself to grieve - and that's healthy. You then, basically, are doing what's best for you now, in this moment. You are dealing with the unexpected.

I had someone tell me once that maybe these unexpected things were the Universe's way of getting me back on track.

But, I believe that sometimes it's just simply not about us - and we make adjustments to get back on course.

Especially in my life because the odds are the unexpected will happen. I look at it as being smart.

HA HA... and the brakes are just starting to go out on my truck! THAT was unexpected LOL!!!

Right it's not about being pessimistic, it's about being prepared!

If you have a pet, you also should have a vet that you know and trust and that you have the number for. It's not that you're being pessimistic that your pet will be hurt. It's that you're being *prepared* so if your pet IS hurt, you are ready to handle it. It doesn't make you more depressed about having a pet, by having the vet info. If anything it makes you more appreciative of the pet, that you are preparing to take care of it.

So what i think i am hearing from Joy and you all is that having a Plan B is one specific way to expect the unexpected.

Also, another way is to look at when things do go south, how you might salvage the situation in some other way, which is sort of what Deanna is saying.

And maybe what Lisa and Rebecca is saying is to have things prepped as a just in case scenario ie - having the vet number programmed in my phone; knowing where the 24 hour convenience store is in case of food emergency.

So that is three specific ways. I like specifics - i can work with those.

My other kitten is having surgery today, for something totally unrelated. And this was certainly unexpected with what happened LAST saturday. I am not sure how i could have planned around this case. I think all i can take from this is that I need to start a personal fund for vet care for my pets.

Love your post Jilly - reminded me about what I need to be doing.

Right exactly the plan I always say for all pet owners is to have the vet numbers posted in key places, to have a little pet-kit of key items (styptic pencil etc) right by where the pets stay, and to have an emergency fund for vet visits. You don't have to obsess daily about your pet being injured, but you want to be calmly prepared so if they *are* injured you can do the best you can to keep them safe.

What is a suitable amount for a pet fund? My dog Frodo never needs health care, so i have no idea.

Based on Dan's advice, I am planning a budget of around a thousand a year for my car. That is what he has budgeted for his Pathfinder, and my jeep Cherokee is basically the same car. It's cheaper than buying a new used car every year. So that is a way to plan and I also have a roadside service. That has paid its way several times over this year. I also have emergency items in the car - light, food, water, first aid kit and some light repair type things. A phone charger. Blankets and a pillow and a jacket.

Cats and cars - working on the unexpected, check.

What are some other things to expect the unexpected about? I guess personal health, work and travel plans. What else? How are people planning to expect the unexpected?

I thought of two ways I plan for the unexpected.

1. You never know when friends may drop in - this is especially true of my kids' friends. Do I have a frozen pizza in the freezer? Or maybe some peanut butter and crackers?

2. You never know when someone may want to hear a song I now bring my guitar with me a lot more places than I used to just "in case" I get the opportunity to play. A few months ago I brought my guitar to a coffee house, and ended up playing for a couple of hours - it was AWESOME! I have also learned that when I write a new song, I need to get it memorized ASAP Because, I may not have my guitar or song book - but someone else may have a guitar and say "hey, wanna play something?" My answer to this is always "YES!"

Have extra clothes along with toiletries in your car in case of an emergency (hospital stay, car broken down, etc.)

I like that one Rebecca! You never know!

Deanna - that is so great about the coffeehouse! You never know what will happen if you are prepared!

I agree that homes should have emergency food and water. You never know if you'll be stuck there for some reason!

Hi Jilly, Deanna, Rebecca, Lisa and Angela,

Thank you all for your recent comments on
Reduce Stress by Always Expecting the Unexpected.

One thing I did not expect was the number of comments that would arise in the USA whilst the UK slept! (JOY)

LOL, Joy. This is a useful thread!

Unexpected is sometimes really good too! I went in to our cell phone repair place today - my hubby's phone (that he hates) is broken.

They managed to get him a new phone (one that he really wanted), whilst not messing up my contract or costing me too much money.

See... sometimes they are happy to work with us

Thanks for that Deanna. It�s quite true that when the �unexpected� happens, it�s usually related to things going wrong. It is indeed a great feeling when the 'unexpected� turns out to be a lovely surprise. (JOY)

I think sometimes we focus very strongly on the negative, and don't give enough kudos for all the unexpectedly positive things that happen in our lives. We should celebrate those!

Oh yes! The unexpected positive things that can happen should be celebrated!

This weekend I had several unexpected things happen to me!

I got to use another band's sound system, and it sounded totally awesome.

I got to play a duet with a girlfriend and it sounded totally awesome.

My friend got invited to open for another band - and though it wasn't me being invited, I'm so happy for her, that I'm also enjoying her unexpected good fortune

A friend gave me three gluten free home made muffins.

I got a BEAUTIFUL honey calcite stone.

Deanna, yes, unexpected positive things should definitely be celebrated. Do you generally have that many on a weekend or was it a one-off?? (JOY)

HA HA.... I have to wonder, Joy! Do you think that sometimes we may have bunches of unexpected good, yet we don't notice because we get distracted by the unexpected bad?

Definitely! You could even take that one step further. Perhaps everything may be perceived as 'good' if you look at the 'bad' with a different mindset, eg, learning experiences, opportunities to make one stop and think, etc. (JOY)

That is SO true, Joy - that we are surrounded by blessings all the time and often we don't even see it. Or we only see the "bad" in something that has happened.

Okay, here is something unexpected - I am now getting hives from my gnat problem! Why do i have endless weirdo problems?

Jilly, you can buy a small device that plugs into your electric socket. It emits specific frequencies that certain insects do not like and this keeps them away. Have you ever tried that? (JOY)

I think i do have things starting to be under control with the gnats - fingers crossed. if not i will think about that device, Joy!

Hi Jilly, I met someone last week whose stress was related to all the molehills that seem to have appeared in their garden overnight! Moles are really difficult to deal with once they've built their network of tunnels under your lawn. Foxes are also fast becoming a real nuisance in UK's town and city areas! (JOY)

Joy
I think this is a great article. Unexpected thing in some cases
indeed reduce stress, but also increase stress.