Not sure if this is even the forum for it but I am hoping that I can vent my feelings and maybe with any luck get some advice in the process. Have moved in with partner who has 2 boys 11 & 15, I have a daughter 15 also. My partners 15 boy lives with us full time as his mother moved away and took 11 yr old with her. My 15 year old goes to boarding school in city and is home every holidays. When I moved in with partner my previously close relationship with 11 yr old disintergrated (on the persuasion of his mother) and a previous 50/50 care arrangment of him was discontinued. He is a very attention seeking child and therefore on the now rarer visits it was hard going. All of our business went back to the mother and to say she was making our life a nightmare was an understatement. Anyway my daughter who as an only child could be took every afront by the 11 yr old to me as a personal attack.
The last school holidays were a nightmare with bickering amongst the three of them (although the elder 2 are very close) and if I was not blowing my daughter up for being awful to the 11 year old I was defedning her and myself to my partner. In the end he told me that as my liar is a liar and decitful and all the rest she was not to be around his children. Of course I thought this was the end of our relationship (which is wonderful normally) and started to grieve for it. I took my daughter back to school and returned to him telling me he missed me and we carried on normally for 2 weeks until her declared again that he could never allow her to be near his sons and therefore we could no longer be in a relationship.
Am I selfish for trying to try and work things out? Is this normal in step family arrangements? Do other people say these things about the other partners children? Is there any way to work things out? For the record I get on very well with the child that lives with us full time.