BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Mental Health Why can't i leave the house?

There is a delightful Corn Festival going on right now and the whole town is there. I can go cover it on my local town blog and i would enjoy the event.

And my neighbors invited me to join them after at the Salt Mine Cellars Bar. I am sure it will be fun.

Why can't I make myself leave my home and go have fun? This happens a lot. I usually go with it by not leaving the house.

I don't have an answer for you sweetie, but wanted to tell you I have agoraphobia & rarely leave the house.

If you ever want to talk/vent, I'm here! *Hugs*

Do you have "Anxiety Attacks", Jilly?

I often have these attacks and it keeps me inside, too. Even with family gatherings I sometimes have to stay home alone because of these anxiety attacks. Check with your doctor. This condition is more common than people think and can be easily helped.

I even spent one whole Christmas day (also my birthday) alone because of an anxiety attack. I am doing much better now with medication, a good doctor and my family understanding.

Jilly, my doctor put me on a therapeutic dosage of Klonipin and it has really been helping me. It is not such a high dose that it makes me sleepy, and I take it twice a day.

I used to take it only when I had a panic attack, but she said it really does very little good then, that it works better this way - and she's right!

Thanks for the support guys! Yes, I get anxiety attacks. I do have Ativan for when it gets bad.

I think not making myself leave the house is good for me. I might have had fun going out, but staying in when I feel like that is probably the best thing for me.

Mostly I am comfortable staying right here. I think it's leftover anxiety from DH making me move all the time. I think I will give myself some time - lots of it - to start to heal from that.

Definitely you deserve a LOT of healing time right now. You have a new home! It's great that you love your new home! Give yourself the time to really revel in the hominess of what you have, the snuggly feeling you have being there, the comfort and safety.

I agree. Staying in your home is not a bad thing and is often very comforting -- giving you the time you need to heal.

My famly has finally gotten used to the idea that there are times when I just must stay home in my "cozy, comfort zone". I live alone and make my home uniquely and solely mine by the way I decorate and I love it! It gives me peace. And, when I do go out I am always happy to come back to this peaceful home.

This may be over the top, but what I get is that you are an open wound. Past, way past, present and projective.

Many of us are and don't know it.

It's catagorized as agoraphobia and anxiety which may in itself be true, but why, that is the answer to the culpret that makes us that way and those that are more open or are sensitve and have sensitive roots, have a tendency to be that.

Sometimes I want to sleep in a closet. Ironically my husband and I were talking about this exact same thing tonight.

There was more...

something in the past. It was harsh. Protection and control trace back from then to now. Why it feels bad to go out into public/chaos. You want to protect.

The Soul is hearty, principles, vision, grounding, but this feels like something that side-swiped in the past so overcoming in perfection is also in there. So, comfort in being told what to do at the same time fighting that, at least for me, for whatever reason, feels to be worth looking into as to current situaitons??? Sorry it's so bold - got a bit carried away

Right, thanks guys - i do think I should not force myself to go out and socialize just yet. I want to feel safe and i want to work on my yard...and that is pretty much it. And sleep. :-)

Eleise, yes, i am an open wound. I hate it. i feel like i am always rubbing my wound on everyone too, which is gross if you think about it.

I love closets too. I always crawl into tiny spaces when i feel emotionally unsafe.

As for the other points, there's something there that feels like truth. Side swiped. harsh. protect. The word comfort stands out for me too. Thank you.

Reading this has actually made me feel a bit better. Jill, I also suffer from anxiety attacks - I can't leave the house at the moment, and I wont until I go to see my new GP tommorow. I completley understand how anyone dealing with this feels - it's spoilt a lot for me.
I'm really worried ATM because my GP of 9 years has just retired, and I've seen three Doctors since, only one of them was understanding about my anxiety. Another Dr made me cry for about two hours, after I discussed my situation with him and he didn't understand at all & was rude.
I'm coming up against a lot of predjudice ATM I feel, and I feel so sad that my last Dr has retired. I say, stay inside if it makes you feel better though - there's no point forcing yourself out, only to make yourself worse in the long run - it's just a shame not many ppl seem to share these feelings.

Thanks Steven. I feel less alone reading your post too. I am sorry about your awesome doctor and that one other dr made you cry.

I've experienced that too. It always feels extra disillusioning, like learning there is no santa clause. Aren't drs supposed to be loving and healing? heh - I guess that's just being naive.

Keep looking for a better dr. You don't need one that makes you feel bad. I've had one or two that made me beg for my meds.

Thanks Jill, it is nice to know I'm not alone with these issues
Unbelievable - but I still haven't managed to sort it - and we're finding little help at all. I nearly had a panic attack the other day, and I can't go back to suffering from them all the time - I just couldn't live, because now I know that I can lead a normal life.
I found out today, through a friend, that it's all about money (no surprise there) apparently, the NHS has been told to cut funding for benzoes in Wales. The Doctors no help at all, they're even refusing to reply to my letter because they obviously know what they're doing is wrong. They're doing the same thing to my mother (reducing without consent) who's been on them for 30 years - and she's beside herself - it looks like we'll have to take it higher in the complaints department, or if it comes to it - move home, simply to get a Dr that will work with us and help us. Rather than just shouting orders and treating us like scum.

I agree, I thought Dr's wanted to help people - but they seem to just want to save money. I've tried four Dr's now and I'm really scared - although I have an appointment in two days with the one Dr who treated me with respect, I'm still nervous she wont be able to help because she's not "head of the practice"
We're worried sick, not sleeping or eating well - and all the help seems to be in the centre of the UK Hopefully, we'll work something out this week - they're going against every guideline, and I can't take much more worry

Wow, Steven, what a rotten situation for you and your poor mum. I am always fantasizing about your free health care but i guess you don't have the perfect solution either. I am sorry.

I'd say , yes, keep looking for a dr that cares. Drs wield a tremendous amount of power and if you find one who can give you what you need, then jump through whatever hoops it takes to get them. Keep making a record of complaints with a full paper trail. Blog about it - don't be silent. You are probably not alone in this.

I have a thread in this forum called Insomnia Cafe - you can join us there 24/7 for commiseration.

As for eating well, I'd start a post in lisa's Low Carb thread - you don't have to eat low carb to post there. She is very helpful no matter what and is helping me get some fresh food into my system.

How did the last dr appt go?

Thanks for the advice Jill, no it seems our free health care is far from perfect, and as usual it depends on where you live.

My last GP appointment went okay, I went back to the last GP (the only one that's shown me any respect so far) and she was really kind and gave me a lot of her time, which was nice considering I'm not her patient. She basically told me that I need to see my psyciatrist - so that he can write a letter and then she'll listen to whatever he advises. She was really helpful cos she was trying to do the best for me, and she was concerned.
So then I went back to the actual GP I'm with and she herself in the end said she thought I should see my psyciatrist, but that was over two weeks ago and my shrink still hasn't got the refferal. So I've had to chase it up three times now (all the while being treated like a nuisance) and it turns out "it got lost in the post" - which I don't believe - So I got my psychiatrists Fax number and gave it to the GP so it couldn't conveniently get lost again. I just sorted that today - so I'm still worrying.

My mum has literally just left to go see another GP, she's taken an NHS advocacy officer with her so that hopefully she'll be treated with respect - but I'm really nervous for her. I'd love her to come back and say everything's been sorted, but we just keep meeting with dead ends. Hopefully though... The NHS has usually been good, but it seems when things really come down to it - you do have to pay if you want a better and more fair service The problem is, so many ppl take advantage of the system and then spoil it for the people in real need.

I just can't believe how long this thing has been going on for - it just feels like a nightmare that I could wake up from - it's so scary to have a GP have my quality of life in their hands.

I'm trying to eat well, but my appetite has just gone - plus when I'm nervus I find it difficult to swallow food, I don't know if anyone else gets this? I just keep thinking I'm going to choke.

So things are moving Jill, but they're moving far too slowly for my piece of mind I'm just praying things will start to look up for the better soon. I hope you're feeling good, or better too

One - i would latch onto the nice GP like a barnacle. Even tho it's not technically your GP. Act like she is and she seems nice enough to be ok with being your go-to for some things.

2 - continue to be annoying with your need to see a psych. you need this. If it gets too stressful for you, sick your best friend or a family member on it. Sometimes I have my mom or MIL make these calls and it seems to get a great response to have someone in your court going to bat for you.

I hope your mum's appointment went well. That would be a big relief for you.

I don't know about the choking thing but i often feel like i might vomit when i am upset. be sure to mention this stress symptom to every GP you meet.

I am feeling ok today, which for me is a lot. I hope your tomorrow is easier. Post in lisa's forum - really - about your food issues. And try to get good sleep, whatever it takes. sleepness rumination makes it all much worse. perhaps post in Susan's forum about needing a short meditation idea to help lower your anxiety.

Absolutely having a doctor who believes in your health and advocates to keep you as healthy as possible is critical in life.

In the meantime, work as dedicatedly as you can to keeping *yourself* healthy. Not for the GP or the doctor or anyone else. For you. You are the one who deserves you to care for you. Find even the tiniest steps to keep you healthy, fed, relaxed, and full of sleep. That should be a very highest priority. You deserve it.

Steven, you doing ok today? Just checking in.

Thanks Jilly and Lisa :), I did as you suggested Jilly and got my Mum to call about the Psych - and what do you know, a few days later they actually got it. At last!! So now I'm waiting to see him, which is a relief in itself.

My mother's appointment went really well, which is such a relief. Because it's so difficult to have two people suffering from anxiety this badly in the same family. She took the advocacy officer with her and the Dr said she'd work with her and wouldn't force her into anything. So that all sounded promising, and my mother was happy with it.

I seem to be going in stages, one day feeling awful, the next day fine etc. The reduction in my medication really scares me, and it seems to be coming down really fast. I've even started getting exsma (is that how you spell it? I'm sure that's wrong) - which I've never had before, even though I have asthma. It's really painful too It must be all the stress, only thing it can be.

I went out yesterday for the first time in ages and it took me hours to calm down, even with my friends. I'm going to keep onto the psych though and ask if he has any cancellations then I'll run right there LOL.

I've had to resort to taking a small dose of meds to sleep - otherwise I can't. I've been eating slightly better - I could really do with some advice in that area actually (Lisa, any reccomendations? - I'll ask in your forum) I had a Jacket potatoe and baked beans two days in a row - don't know if that's good or what. I'm sure I should be eating more...

It's so great to be able to discuss this here though, especially with ppl who understand I really appreciate it. Glad you had a good day Jilly have you found anything that has really helped with stress? I have this impression from ppl that CBT is good, and when I was younger meditation used to help - but my aunt, who would lead the meditation has moved to Florida, and I can't seem to get to that same state of relaxation without her. She's very spiritual in those ways.

Steve, I am finally getting some therapy, and it really does seem to help me with the stress.

How did your psych appt go?

With me the case is just opposite and i just go into my house for sleeping at night.

Jilly and Steve. I send prayers for strength and healing to you both. Stay strong and know that you will find the right meds and treatment. It helps so much to have friends who are suffering from the same conditions and can talk about it together. Part of your therapy is having friends who understand.

Thanks Phyllis - I really appreciate it and hope you're well too

Jilly, The psych did not work out as I'd hoped, he even told me to buy my meds of the internet as he didn't think there was anyway around this government audit that's going on over here - which was a scary thing to hear.

It seems everything in that area is just getting more scary. I did change GP's and she seems lovely, but then on my second appointment she had spoken to my last GP and I could tell her tone had changed - I don't know what on Earth is going on, but I'd love to. It seems like 'Invasion of the body snatchers' LOL - everyone keeps changing from nice to detached.

I try now not to even think about my health as all it does is scare me and I'm getting no help. I just can't believe this is still happening after all these months. I'm trying to keep the faith, but it's so difficult.

Jilly, I hope you're feeling okay

Steve, you mentioned that your Aunt really helped you, that she is very spiritual. It seems to me that it would greatly benefit you if you can re-connect to your Aunt, either via email, phone, or spiritually.

I am a strong believer in healing in the Native American way -- which is to heal the spirit before one can heal the body/mind.

Here are some articles I wrote that you might want to read and see if there is anything there that can help you or shed some light on your condition:

Spiritual Healing

Healing the Native American Way

There is some free counseling available at the Manataka American Indian Council. I would approach this with caution, but if there is something there that can help you maybe it will be a good place to seek some help:
Manataka American Indian Council

Ian Edwards, our Pagan editor here, lives in the UK and is very knowledgeable on herbs and spiritual healing. Maybe you can contact him and see what he has to offer.

If you feel Spiritual Coaching can help you, I am a Spiritual Coach and will do what I can to help you free of charge. Send me a PM if you are interested and I will give you my contact information.

I have suffered greatly in the past with both depression and anxiety and have found healing through my spiritual path. I have learned that it is okay to do what makes me feel better, whether it is staying inside within my comfort zone or venturing out to seek harmony and balance with Nature and Creator. I do see a psychiatrist (the visits are getting further and further apart due to my progress) and am on medication -- yet, I believe the majority of my healing has come from within myself and my spirituality.

Phyllis, what does one talk about with a spiritual counselor?

Jilly, you are so precious! With a Spiritual Counselor, one talks about whatever they feel is necessary to help them with their faith/belief system/spirituality.

I find that each person has a different level of spirituality and has different needs. If certain foods make you feel better, then seek a way to work these foods into your diet, as you suggested to Steve. If one can relate physical needs and the effects to the spiritual growth aspect, then healing begins.

Regardless of one's faith/belief system, spiritual growth can and will happen when we learn to come into harmony and balance with mind, body, and spirit.

That is very interesting and sounds useful for real life actually. Steve, I think you should definitely take Phyllis up on her generous offer. I think this might be a sound direction for you. Your GPs are being unhelpful and I think that is soul crushing. You need something healing from the inside, since it seems your available drs are at a loss with what to do with you.

Thanks Phyllis, that is very kind of you and I would love to discuss it with you - it all sounds very interesting I'll send you a PM after I've written this.

I really do wish I could reconnect with my Aunt (she lives in Florida) and I had to cancel my holiday over there due to what's happening - and as I watch my friend go off without me, it is pretty devastating TBH. We used to be REALLY, so, so close and then when she emigrated again - there was a lot of resentment on my family's part (not personally - I was in Uni at the time) - but they felt they had been deserted in some way.

We used to laugh and I really got on with her almost like a second mother. I hardly ever speak to her now and when I do she sounds just as depressed as me - more so. I can tell she's lonely and homesick. She seems to have changed a bit. Though I know if I saw her we'd be fine I'm sure.

Hopefully I can move on from this and just heal.

I got your PM, Steve, and sent one back to you.

Hugs and prayers.
Phyllis