i used to be strong. i used to be independent. then came the ring, white gold with tanzanite, because i hate diamonds. it sparkled just the same. and i hated it just the same. then came the white gown with layers of impossibilities and a corset to steal my breath. my hair in ringlets, topped with a wreath of flowers.. i stepped into my mother's ideal wedding, the wedding she never had, the wedding i never wanted. newly wed and no longer me i am transplanted to a new, dry land, where the sun inspires death and joshua trees are posed like mad dancers beneath cloudless skies. i conjure new dreams for my new life. a picture perfect home where the counters are always crumbless, beds always made and dinner always ready for a husband who is always late. i wanted to make emily post proud and smile like a lady and be the perfect wife. but that was not me. and so i leave towels on the floor and dishes in the sink. i pick up a pen and i write. i write until i am wordless, and then i paint pictures to color my colorless world.. only to find myself resented. a bottle of wine, a gift from our wedding, is opened and invites rage into the adobe night. i feel his hands around my neck and remember the corset stealing my breath. i see red before me on the floor, i look up ate my new husband, who looks down on me. he says, "i hope you know this was all your fault." years go by and i grow smaller. betrayal and bruises are the new colors of my life. phrases like "i love you" turn into "can i use you?" [censored] slut whore go hand in hand with closed fists. and promises of never again give birth to new lies that sprawl like climbing vines. i am the wall they cling to. i am the wall they die against. the final day came. the desert sun was reaching its peak and for the last time his hands found my neck and for the first time new eyes saw and new lips spoke. "don't hurt mama!" my heart shattered like the many wine glasses of our past and i remembered my breath i remembered my life. i realized my reason and i looked to the door. i found my lost strengh and i gathered it all. kelly hilliker 2009.

Wow. I got tears in my eyes that can't flow free. I think your poem is so wonderful and powederful and so, ohh to familiar to all us victims throughout the world. I applaud you for being able to put your feelings into words and release them though i am sure they'll always remain like a horror movie you cant nver forget just replaying in your brain. Thank you for posting. Good Luck and continued safety.

Wow... your poem is amazing!! I too have a passion for writing but since dealing with this monster of mine I havent been able to express myself... I pray it comes back one day because many people are waiting on a book or a poem or something. Youi give me inspiration to pick up the pen and get back to doing what I love.