BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence No Father = Abuse

My friend any I were discussing a show he had seen during the week. He stated that a woman on the show described what her dream guy would do." My dream guy would call me and tell my friends and I to pack a bag, because he is taking us all on a vacation." After finishing the statement, my friend laughed loudly and said, "Isn't that what a father should do?" At that moment something clicked in my head. I asked myself, do women that grew up without a Father, want their boyfriends/husbands to make up with it? Is this also the reason why women stay with a man that "disciplines" her, because of her craving for a father? What do you all think?

Well, first I didn't think of that vacation statement as demanding at all - more like a pleasant surprise (maybe I had to hear the tone in which it was said?)

And from what I understand, the majority of women that wind up in abusive relationships DID grow up with a father-figure, but usually one that was abusive and controlling himself.

I think most women that grow up with single Moms tend to be very self sufficient and strong, and would not take that type of abuse.

Of course I have not done a real study on this, this is just listening from women (mostly on this forum) talk.

I think Michelle is on the right path there. Most women who grow up in abusive homes tend to go into relationships with abusive men (or women if she is a lesbian). I grew up in an abusive home and got into an abusive relationship BUT I got the heck out of dodge within 4 years. My parents stayed to gether for 21 years. I could not imagine living another 21 years of my life like my parents did and I certainly didn't want my kids to grow up that way. It was hard to leave for financial reasons plus I was going through a depression. I do believe that women who grow up in abusive homes tend to think that the behavior their father displayed is what a husband/boyfriend should do and that is why it is harder for her to leave because she has seen it all her life and now is living it.

Good conversation starter! Thanks.

I agree that some women that grow up in single parent home are strong and self sufficient, but there are some women that want a father figure. They go into relationships, wanting to be provided for. From observing friends and family members, I see more of them putting up with a lot simply because they have that void.
Jeanette I agree with the point you made about how women think the behavior their father displayed is a normal part of a relationship. I feel that if we are not taught that those behaviors are wrong, we're stuck in misery.

I'm not sure thats what a father would do- thats what happens in fairytales. And those of us without fathers want the fairytale-thats all we know of love. What we see on TV.

Davis I agree that most of us without father's live in a fairytale.

What about daughters who grow up without a father in their life and later find him? My step-daughter recently contacted us after not seeing her father for 5 years. Her aunt who was raising her has always talked bad about my husband, would not give her the cards and gifts we have sent over the years. My stepdaughter happened to be home the day her Christmas card from us arrived with our phone number in it yet again. She is 18 now and can do what she wants. She is trying to get close to us but is scared with good reasons, she doesn't know if what her aunt has said is true or not. I am praying she doesn't go through abusive relationships. I am hoping she will see how my husband and I are together and we can be an example for her.

I think that although they have spoken bad about him to her, the fact that he wants to me in her life will affect her in a positive way.

Personally I grew up knowing who my father was but never looking at him in that "daddy light" And now that Im an adult I seek out for a man to be NOTHING like the man I know as my father. He cannot take care of himself, he gets abusive, and he cares nothing for his children. What I want is a real man to call my own not a dad. But I do believe that all women are different. And some do crave that. Its like a void that they want filled. I am definetly not one of them. I am transitioning out of a horrible relationshit. He was all the things that my father is and then some. But I thought I was IN LOVE. When I sat down and really thought about his actions I turned out with someone I can not stand.