Ladies,

I came across a site I saw today that I thought might be helpful to moms looking to connect with other moms: www.momslikeme.com It looks like there are locations all over the world. Check out this post by a mom. It, along with the comments, should make everyone feel better! Best of luck to everyone during the holidays. Do you ever just want to hide? (And, I think most of these moms in general like being a mom, but yet, look how often they just want to hide!)

First off, know that you are not alone.

My Depression started after the birth of my first child. This is very common, because having a baby drastically changes the way hormones and chemicals are distributed by your body.

Has your doctor mentioned doing a thyroid test on you?

You mention weight gain and the inability to take it off. While this CAN be blamed on pregnancy, it can also be blamed on thyroid problems. Thyroid problems can also cause depression issues.


Also, instead of just adding medications - have you and your doctor talked about switching meds? Prozac can be notorious for "wearing off", or your body getting used to it. By switching to a different med, you might have better results. There are TONS of meds ot there now.

Seeing a therapist is definitely a good thing. You need to talk about this stuff. Writing on here is another way to get your emotions out. You might also consider journaling. Just writing oiut your thoughts (as incoherent as they may seem at times) is very cathartic.

FeelSoAlone,
I'm glad you're considering exercise. What most people don't realize about exercise, however, is that you need 10 minutes of high-intensity exercise daily to combat depression. Don't do this all at once though if you're not used to exercise - work your way up!

Are you taking fish oil? How about Vitamin D? Both are important when fighting depression. Hang in there! I know things can get better for you.

I haven't posted here in a few years lol, and the thread is still going. You started a popular one, Jenny, lol.

I remember reading a poem my mom had a long time ago, that went something like:

When I was a child I couldn't wait to be a teenager,
and when I was a teenager I couldn't wait to be an adult,
and when I was an adult I couldn't wait to get married,
and when I got married I couldn't wait to have children,
and when I had children I couldn't wait for them to grow up,
and when they grew up I couldn't wait for them to leave,
and now I see that I spent so many years waiting that I forgot to live.

I am not a perfect mother. I yell, and the kids get on my nerves, and sometimes I just want to gather them up in a big hug. When I read all your posts the one thing I see over and over that is missing is this: YOU NEED A HOBBY. Anything.

This might sound funny, but I play videogames in my free time. What free time? you ask. You're kids are 6 and 2 and you have free time? Yes, I do. Free time is what and where you can find it. So what if that is sitting on the couch for two hours in the evening with my son curled up in my lap while my daughter colors at the kitchen table while I play the Xbox. Sure, I still have to get up to get drinks, more paper, change diapers, whatever. I can pause the game, it won't end because I stopped for 10 minutes. Plus, I get to do something I enjoy, I don't have to share and AT THE SAME TIME my kids have me right there with them.

I get critisized for this all the time. You waste you time, you aren't giving enough to your kids, etc. Well guess what. I am home and not out cruising bars, out gambling, partying, whatever. It doesn't matter. I happen to have something I enjoy while being home. I can read too with them on my lap. I can read while my daughter reads her book and yes I stop to help her with her words, listen to her babble, I can still read.

I work full time and wouldn't give it up. I consider work my "me" time and I know lots and lots of women who are great moms and love their kids and DON'T want to be with them 24/7. That's fine because frankly, kids like meeting other people too.

My advise to anyone out there on the fence about whether they want kids or not: get a dog first. A lab. A big needy puppy you can raise. They are like kids, they have their own personalities, annoying traits, adorable moments, and are trainable. And if you love the puppy even when it poops in your livingroom and eats your couch, then you might like kids too.

Dez

hello everyone. first, let me say i admire ya'll's honesty and your support of each other. like many of you, i found this thread after searching "hate being a mom". i was shocked at the number of hits i found from those 4 words. i am a 40-year-old SAHM to my 7-yr-old son and 2-yr-old boy/girl twins. after giving my son up for adoption 23 years ago, i vowed to never have another child. i was 16 and lucky to eat once a day. i couldn't, in good conscience, bring him into my life so i chose open adoption. he and i are friends and he harbors no resentment toward me. he knows i wanted so much more for him than i could give. after that, i couldn't seem to enjoy the company of children as i felt such remorse for being unable to care for my own child. i became pregnant again in my early 30s but suffered a miscarriage at 3 months. i then became determined to have a child after feeling so complete during that short pregnancy. i gave birth to my son in july of 02 and was totally in love w/him. i realized how much i'd missed out on by giving up his older brother. he was such a joy, and still is. although i was seriously tied down, it really didn't matter as i enjoyed my time w/him and took him everywhere i went. i became pregnant again, a HUGE surprise, when my son was almost 5. twins. imagine my shock. my son and i have such a connection, he knew i was having twins long before even i knew and he also knew they were boy/girl long before the sonogram determined their sexes. i was ambivilant t/o the pregnancy as i was happy w/my son and he was the perfect age to do things with such as go to theme parks, color, read, etc. more later - one baby is up.....

Hello. Wow. this is such an interesting forum. I got pregant when I was 20 years old and married my childs father. Now, that was 26 years ago and that was kind of expected at that time, to marry him. We're still together and that amazes some people. I didn't expect to be a GOOD mom. What is that anyway? I didn't know that my whole life would surround my son. What you have to keep in mind is that that's your choice. Brandon and I did a lot together from basketball, to bike racing and karate. It was amazing. He's now 26 and married and as much as he has been a pain in the butt over the years I wish he would call more. We also have a nine year old. Yes, I said nine. Man plans and God laughs! He's an amazing child even though he's annoying at times. Yes. I yell, rant and rave. I also hug , listen and take him to school. I work full time at a doctors office and I can really get stressed out. When I get home(My husband picks him up from school) sometimes I just want to be left alone and cameron is at the door asking if he coukld do this or watch that. FRUSTRATING!! My hobby is scrapbooking and photgraphy. When I look at the crazy photos I take of my family and realize what was going on at the time, well it just seems worth it all. Try to remember what I said..Man plans and God laughs. You can choose to laugh with Him and enjoy life making it what you can or not and leave life as it is.

Jennyt, I understand you completely. My daughter is 7. I hate being a mother. My life was over the day I found out I was pregnant. I think what really makes it hard for me is that my mother passed away from brain cancer when I was 2 months pregnant. My family is very small & they r up in age. My husband was military up until last March. So of course I had to move away from my family & his. So we have never had a wkend child free vacation. She has only been away from me for 2 wks out of 7 yrs and that was because I had to go away for training for a job for 2 wks. It makes me so mad when I hear my friends talk about how their children will be with their granparent or dad for spring break or every other wkend. I so want a little vacation once a month. I think my husband is blind to the fact that I need a good break. I don't wont another child because of this. They have drop in daycares here where I live. You can drop your child off for only 4 hrs. I try to use that as often as possible. Some might think that is being mean or "selfish" as my husband calls me. I don't care, if this is the only time I get a breather than I'm going to take it. I hate all holidays & teacher workdays because I know school will be closed. So I'm glad I found this website to help me vent because I have nobody else to talk to and they would just say you're being mean and she didn't ask to be here. Which that is true she didn't ask to be here that's why I'm not having anymore.

Jennyt, Thank you for starting this thread. I also found this site by Googling "I hate being a mom." I like what one of the other moms said that loving your child and hating being a mother are two different things. I was glad to have her and never felt that I didn't want her. I just hated what it did to me and also that I have to deal with her father for the rest of her childhood at the very least. I wasn't married when we conceived her and never did marry. I always felt that if I were to have children I would only have them if I was married AND to a man who would be very involved with the children. When that wasn't the case and I got pregnant because the birth control failed, I was miserable. I was 34 and very career-oriented. I also always saw myself as self-sufficient and very independent. Now I feel trapped. I live 1500 miles away from my family and I can't leave the state I live in. Her father is very difficult. When I found out I was pregnant I wanted to just leave and move back home to be with my family. They are very supportive and wanted to help me. However, I was raised by a single mom and always wished I had my dad around. Because of this I decided to tell him about the pregnancy even though I wanted nothing more to do with him personally. (We had broken up before I knew I was pregnant.) He was ecstatic and begged me not to go. He asked if we could try things out here together. I relented and now wish I never told him. I feel so alone because I don't get enough help. We both work full time but he is gone a lot with his numerous hobbies. When I ask for some time alone he frets and makes me feel bad. I don't care. I still go. But I don't feel like it's enough. I've tried joining several moms groups but I haven't made any strong connections. I live in a large metropolitan area and everyone is so spread out. Plus they are all busy with their own lives. It's not like I can call them at the drop of a hat and say, "Hi. Can you take care of her for a while?" when I feel overwhelmed. I desperately want to be near my family but her father is absolutely against it and I think it's too late for that anyway. She's 5 years old now and is very attached to him even though she doesn't spend a lot of time with him. She does see him during the week when he picks her up from daycare. She spends about an hour a day with him M-F. I have her the rest of the time. (We live separately and she lives with me.) I'm just so frustrated! It's very expensive to live here and he won't let me leave. I talked to a lawyer and he said that her father could stop me from taking her out of the state. He has to agree to let me leave. I struggle all the time and barely make ends meet and don't have the emotional support I need. It's terrible because I know I take it out on her sometimes and I feel awful. I hate yelling at her. I love her so much and am doing everything I can to give her a good life but her father makes it so difficult.

Hello, Thank you for starting this thread. I am new here and this is my first post, I joined so I could possibly get this off my chest. Like many of you, I found this site searching "I hate being a mom" I was a little surprised at all the sites that came up. Anyway, here is my story.. I was 19 when I had my daughter. My fiance and I had been together for 5 years at the time. I was told I was unable to have children. I was always on the bigger side and lost a ton of weight during the summer, I was in a size 9 for the first time in my life. Then in Jan, my mother kept telling me I know your pregnant, so to make her happy, I took a test, and yeah, she was right. I was happy, I always wanted a baby and looked forward to it.....Yeah, that changed, quickly. I quit smoking to be fair to my child, and when i quit, i eat, now im pregnant and in my mind i have an excuse to eat, needless to say I gained all my weight plus some extra. MY fiance was horrible to me, he wouldn't touch be, but he would look up skinny fake boobed hussys and watch them...it killed me. He treated me like [censored], called me names, acted like he hated me. He told me he didn't want the baby, he wasn't ready, but i thought i was, oh, and did i mention i was already 20 weeks along when i found out?? Yeah, and she came 6 weeks early, so it all kinda happened at once. When she was born, she never slept, she had horrible colic, and i got ZERO help from my fiance, he would be sleeping nice and sound and me? Crying along with my baby trying to get her to take a bottle. As time went by, he got a lot better, we also lived with his mom, and she helped me a lot. She is now 11 months old and when she was 7 months old, we got our own place. Now I am the typical stay at home mom, i cook, clean, take care of the baby, and its a blessing if i get to go outside and have a smoke (I started back 2 months after giving birth) I hate it, I hate it more then anything sometimes. She always gets into everything, pulls things off tables, breaks them. She has a high pitch scream whenever I'm not holding her or right beside her. Hell, the one day she was sitting there playing all happy, and as soon as I sit down on the couch, she starts throwing a fit. I'm so stressed out anymore, when my fiance comes home, he gets to play video games and relax, and im left with a screaming baby who throws her baby food at me, or won't go to bed. I miss my old life, All of my friends get to go out and have fun, my fun is when she sleeps for an extra half hour and i get to watch tv for a split second. WE can't go anywhere anymore, she screams her head off in the car, and continues to screams in the store, and people stare at me like im beating her or something, which i never have, and never will do. I love my daughter more then anything, but sometimes i hate being her mother. I hate not being able to go to wal-mart without her acting up, or just going on a simple car ride without her screaming the whole time. I have no friends & no family where i live, i moved to IL to be with my fiance, im from PA, and none of my friends even call me anymore, they're too busy going to the mall, or going on a date, or getting drinks, Me? I'm changing diapers, washing bottles, cleaning up toys....Sometimes i could scream, and actually have. I was told I could not have children..And after 5 years, never used protection, nothing happened...why all of a sudden. I wonder this a lot, I was told because of the weight loss, go figure right? I love my baby girl so much, but sometimes i want to stand up and say "Done" and just run away...My fiance and I are A LOT better now, we have the love back, but it's not like we can ever go on a date or anything...Yeah, this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I always wanted a baby, just not now. Thank you, i really needed this rant.

Rant away. Early motherhood is tough. Really tough. No matter how much you love your child, your young self still needs time and room to grow, too. Add on top of that being a wife and yikes.

I wish I were there to lend a hand...just through the rough spells. It so makes a difference when you have support from friends or family.

Be strong though because if you aren't, your child will become even more difficult to handle as she ages. Be firm, fair, loving and consistent.

Also, there is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself and/or your husband. Can you set up a co-op babysitter arrangement with people you can trust? Check into your local community programs. Some are free and/or cheap and they provide Head Start pre-school or babysitting programs.

It is not a luxury that you have time off; it is a necessity! Maybe older moms or moms who have done this before can handle the often suffocating feelings of being a 24-7 caretaker, but you are new to this and you're young. Time off is good for you and for the baby. You will come back refreshed and ready to be back for her.

I can help you from afar in some ways. I can tell you how to set up your day so that she will be easier to handle while learning and developing positively. There will be time for you, time for her, time for your hubby--with no guilt. I was a mom with three kids under the age of four, a stay-at-home mom with a husband who didn't help. One of my kids had a genetic disorder and only slept three hours at a time. I also was a teacher later in life.

Good luck!