BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage MIL says I need a complete makeover

Dianne - I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Deb is *brilliant* and exactly on point. The MIL is feeling insecure and her only way of getting "her lover back" is to drive you away. She's obviously making up lies.

So the key is to first take a deep breath, and realize she's doing this because she's scared. The love of her life has been "stolen" from her (in her mind) and she desperately wants him back. It's very sad that her own life is so insecure that this is what she feels she has to do. Imagine her as a really frightened 2 year old child. She says wild things out of her fear and pain. She'll say anything. You don't take a 2 year old seriously when she screams "I hate you!" I don't mean you should condescend to your MIL, but that you should have compassion.

That being said, being compassionate does not mean you let yourself be a doormat. You need to be gentle but firm. Deb's idea is AWESOME. Nod and agree that a refreshing spa visit would be PERFECT to cheer you up, to get you a fresh haircut and a glowing complexion! That would be just what she wants! Ask her for recommendations and hint that you would be happy to get it as your Easter present

Dianne, Dianne, Dianne...she's still toying with you. Remember what I told you? Being happy is the best revenge.

Never show her that she--or any of her comments--are getting to you. When she says anything mean, simply laugh and ignore her. Think of it as babbling coming from a senile crazy woman. When she gets that way, pretend she is invisible. Only give her attention if she is being civil.

Smile, laugh, be happy with your husband and children.

Do not, for one second, give any credence or thought to the horrible things she says. That is how misery spreads. Be like a duck and let it roll off your back like water.

But Deb's idea is good. Use what she said as an excuse to spend time and money on yourself with new clothes, haircut, spa treatment, whatever. Tell her, "Thanks for the tip!"

Thanks everybody...every day or so I come back to this post and read and it makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER!!!

I know I shouldn't let her get to me, but she continues to find that crack in my armour every time I seal another one up. He's taking her away back to NY for the rest of the week. 400 miles between me and her. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulders today.

They are supposed to be going to pick up her friend so that they can look for an apartment together. How awesome would that be!!!
I don't care if she moves around the corner (oops there are no apartment buildings within a 5 mile radius...yesssss)

Diane, i am so glad you feel better. keep several hundreds miles b/t you and her, and it can only be a good thing.

Remember you are great just the way you are. Talk to yourself in a positive caring way to wash out her bad taste.

It seems your MIL is jealous of you. When she says things to you, just laugh it off and change the subject. I know this is hard to do, but if she sees it's not working anymore to upset you, then maybe she will stop playing her game. Sit down and tell your husband what she is saying then in quiet. Be honest with him, but don't put him in the middle. I wish you all the best, and remember chin up and smile. This will be the best remedy.