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#593521 - 04/01/10 12:10 PM
Need some guidance...
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Amoeba
Registered: 03/10/10
Posts: 57
Loc: Georgia
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I recently embarked on a spiritual journey. As I do this, there are times when I am so proud of myself, but then there are times I get discouraged. Since this began, things I have felt for many years are all making sense where they didn't before. I found out that I am an empath and while I am glad to finally have answers for all my feelings, I am also starting to wish that I had not started trying to tap into my abilities and use them. I've always felt that there was something special about the way I feel and how I could sense things, but my baptist upbringing required I supress what I felt and dare not mention it. When I started this new journey, I decided that I had to learn to be strong in my beliefs and not let others determine how I practice my spirituality. My problem is this... I have a step son who has ODD, ADHD, and a bi-polar disorder. I have 2 boys of my own and my fiance has 2 boys. When my step son comes around, its like I become so extremely overwhelmed with feelings, I get sick. This morning, I had to get all 4 chilren ready for school. My children and my youngest step son generally don't give me any trouble. My oldest ss (who has the behavior issues) is impossible. I can't turn my abilities off, but I feel a little new to my feelings and feel like a raw nerve at times when it comes to my "gift". Before the kids could leave to get on the bus, I was all but in tears. This child can't help a lot of his behavior but he's like riding a rollercoaster. I was so physically sick to my stomach one he was out of my house, that I sat down and cried. I'm still a bit shaken. And I still have a slight tummy ache. Since he is so defiant and irritating at times, it compounds all the feelings I'm already picking up from him. How am I goinng to deal with having this kid around without flipping out?! I can't talk to my fiance about this because he becomes defensive and doesn't completely understand what I feel. I don't want this to affect my relationship with him, but I sincerely am starting to despise this child and that is terribly wrong of me. I shouldn't feel like this towards a child who needs medication to function, but I also want this child to atleast try to be compliant and take responsibility for his actions. He's not incapable of it. I have no certain spiritual guide in my area to help me try to ground myself. I have to find help online or talk with a friend who has my same beliefs and abilities. In my area of south georgia you just don't find a lot of people who won't accuse you of trying to practice satanic rituals if you question their church taught beliefs. My spiritual journey has led me to believe in a different way and get more in touch with the universe rather than limit myself to the monotheistic southern baptist teachings. I'm confident in my beliefs and feel good about it. I've just got to find a way to deal with my gift. Can someone advise? I don't know if I want to take that rollercoaster ride with my SS again. While I love the thrill of a real rollercoaster, his makes me physically ill.
Edited by alliegirl (04/01/10 12:16 PM)
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#593954 - 04/04/10 03:06 AM
Re: Need some guidance...
[Re: Elleise - Clairvoyance]
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Amoeba
Registered: 03/10/10
Posts: 57
Loc: Georgia
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OMG, Eleise! I did this before I read your post! Great minds think alike. After an unexpected visit from him last night, it hit me. We live across the street so he just runs over at will. He had lots to share, but couldn't complete his thoughts. He began gushing words, changed the subject 10 times (I counted), and looked for a reply. It was like an auction without a sale. We sat staring in wide eyed confusion.
Suddenly frustration, shame, anger, resentment, and desperation hit me. He can't complete thoughts, and is impulsive. He's a torrent of emotion and really can't help it. He also can't help I feel his emotion.
Psychiatrists and psychologists, call him the most unique case they've ever seen. He was hospitalized at age 4 due to a violent breakdown, tearing apart the inside of a car with more strength than a grown man. He's still resentful about the hospital stay. He's teased a lot. He gets yelled at a lot for impulsiveness. When he isn't manic or on an even level, all those thoughts and emotions come crashing down on him.
It can be hard to differentiate his feelings from mine and not lash out. It makes things worse. At times its like a mental mugging. If he feels like someone is finally on his level maybe he will relax. At the same time I also am fully aware he knows right from wrong, and has dishonesty down to an art.
I just need tactics to help me determine which feelings belong to who when interacting with him. Thanks so much for your insight! Very much appreciated! :)
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