BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Does Helping Others Really Help You?

Hi Nyya, you started this topic asking "Does Helping Others Really Help You?" I would say most definitely YES, especially when one gives and truly expects nothing in return. However people often worry about how best to give without guilt. Or how to help someone who really needs your help but refuses to accept it.

In several cultures there is a specific word for the 'highest' level of giving - when you give unconditionally, without the other person knowing, and without telling ANYONE that you have done so. This could include leaving flowers outside someone's door or sending them money, clothes, etc., with an anonymous note saying "Thank you for all your help", "Thank you for being YOU", etc.

That type of giving (whereby you're the only person in the world who knows that you did the giving ) is said to be the greatest giving of all. Although it's the hardest, it's the most fulfilling!

Jilly -

Oh definitely I realize it is very hard to accept that the world is flawed! There are people starving to death every day. Women are raped every day, simply for being women. Children are beaten simply because they are smaller. There are so many injustices out there that we can feel worn down by them, and frustrated that the world does not instantly rise up to fix them!

It is a hard lesson to learn, that these grave injustices exist, and that we can sleep at night without having sold all of our possessions to try to fix them. It takes a sad acceptance.

Joy - that is fascinating - could you post some of the words? I'd love to adopt them!

When I was a student at Prescott College, I felt this huge guilt all the time that I had a car (as it polluted), that I had freedoms others lacked, that I live without tremendous injustices beaten upon me, that I ate meat from factory farms and non-organic veggies...a whole slew of first world guilt.

I know this is non-productive, the guilt. It took about a decade to come to terms with these things. Now I believe in doing what I can and mostly trying to be happy. There must be a balance.

I actually just saved up a whole bunch of my furniture and antiques for an animal-related thrift store i found here in the verde valley. It felt really good to bring them to a charity junk shop that helped a cause that matters to me. So that felt good. I could have sold these things, but that would have taken time away from other things I do that earn me money.

Does helping others help me? Of course. I like to feel good about myself, and it helps me believe I am at heart a good person.

Lisa, did you mean the words for the 'anonymous giving'?

As just one example, in Judaism there are eight distinctive levels of charity and giving anonymously is the highest level.
It is when someone has a personal relationship with the needy person, helping him with a loan or partnership, etc., but never tells a single soul that they have helped that person.

The next level down is where the donor doesn't know to whom he gives and the recipient doesn't know from whom he receives. (A 'double-blind' giving)

That is so awesome Jilly - and you can also put those on your taxes as a charity donation so they do help you out too!

Joy - yes I was wondering what they are called, when you give purely from the heart and with nobody knowing, because that sounds like a grain aim and mantra.

Hmmm in googling I found the word Tzedakah which means acting in a morally fair way, in relation to providing charity to others, which is a general sense of it, but not the specific "give without expecting praise".

I admit I'm a little weak on this as a 100% plan though. For example BellaOnline donated millions of ads to Haiti in February. I want to tell the editors and visitors about it, because I think they should know that we don't run this site as a money-making project. We all volunteer our time. So it's good for people to know that their time is well spent, that we are achieving really great things with our combined efforts. Otherwise editors might somehow think I was a millionaire here from the site, rather than folding origami and doing other crafts to make ends meet!

Jilly, that's great giving!

Lisa, yes, Tzedakah is one of them and there are nearly 10 different categories of 'giving' within it. There are many other examples, e.g., Muslims give a certain percentage of their income to the needy, no matter what they earn, and you'll find several websites (Christian & otherwise) which have been set up specifically for giving anonymously.

People offer gifts to others for all types of good reasons. When you give anonymously you�re expecting absolutely nothing in return. This is why it�s deemed as the highest form. This 'giving without expecting praise or anything in return' is done mainly by individuals. With organisations it's different as your donations are a way of getting some publicity, which in turn gives back to society.