Hi Steven
First, please let me offer you my sincerest sympathy for the loss of your baby. You don't say how early the miscarriage was, but to be honest it doesn't really matter: losing a baby is devastating.
I know you're in a tough place emotionally, but some facts may help. The Miscarriage Association (www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk) is an excellent source of information and support.
I experienced 3 miscarriages in my late 30s, and here is what I learned: having one early miscarriage is not uncommon. Two in a row: only around 3% or couples experience this. And for 3 in a row, only 1% of couple have to go through that (sadly, my husband and I did).
Statistics I've seen in the medical literature suggest that even after 2 miscarriages in a row, you still have a more than 70% chance of the next pregnancy being successful. The success rate after one miscarriage is even higher. Statistics are on your side. I found the book Coming to Term by John Cohen extremely helpful in terms of explaining risks. If you and/or your wife are comforted by this, it may also help you.
Basically, you are both grieving. You may 'get over it' or be able to move on faster than she does. All you can do is be kind to each other and know that you are each hurting in your own way. The bitterness and inability to even look at a baby or a pregnant woman without wanting to kill someone does go away. I've experienced it myself and I've heard it even from women who, sadly, weren't able to have children. It is a hard row to hoe but all you can do is move through it together. Trying again has to happen on your own schedule. There's no one answer as to how long that takes.
my husband used to hold me while I sobbed, and he'd tell me in a soft voice "It's a wave, a big old ugly wave, but just a wave. Ride it out. I'm here." That helped more than anything else.
Good luck.
Liz
