This is long, so whoever stays... thank you :)
I am having a confusing week this week.
I am completely aware of my own patterns but I can't control them when they become apparent to me! Ok, let me be a little less cryptic...
I am married. We have been together for 8 years (Only just married in September 09). We have two children and I am pregnant with our third. Every few years, I get into a bit of a depressive state and the first person I look at is my husband! poor guy.
I guess I have to admit that we go through long periods without sex. I have a large sex drive, but I don't want to do it with him as often as he would like and I think it's because I feel it's obligated. There have been SO many times that I've just wanted to cuddle and it's turned into sex because he's wanted it. So, i don't even like to cuddle much anymore. I keep away because a touch will mean more. I like the chase! I like to feel that I can hunt him down and we can rumble a little, but i hate feeling like "Honey, it's that time again"!! Am I crazy???
I respect him alot. And have learnt so much from him, but i find it hard to imagine myself staying with him forever, which makes me sad.
He's always trying to better himself and when he does that, we all have to go along. And that feels bothersome too. I know it sounds great and I do agree with most things that he comes up with, but I want to feel like I can pick and choose, not do something just because he says it should be done that way. I worry about our kids being able to make their own decision's when they will know that daddy won't aprove of a certain way. I believe that will be our major downfall. I see it already. He wants them to do the right thing like prefer a vegetable when they preffer a chocolate! lol. My kids will eat their vegies despite hating them, and that's good enough for me. But he has to persist in telling them how bad that is. As if a 5 year old will think a brussel sprout tastes better than a bar packed with sugar. I can't disagree though, because I know he's right, but it bothers me that every conersation has to be like that.. what ever happened to variety? just doing what you feel at the moment? letting kids be kids?
This all sounds so depressing! lol! In all honesty, I know I still love him, but it's not like before and at the moment I just feel that it's more of a respect relationship than anything else. He makes me laugh, but most times I just feel like the convo's we have leave me screaming in my own brain to escape! lol... sory about the lol's, but you have to laugh or cry. Maybe i'm making a biger deal out of this...
He's not an awful man and he's a great dad. Why do I keep feeling this way about him from time to time? Help anyone??? Or anyone in the same boat?
Thanks
xx J