BellaOnline Forums Relationships Weddings a bridesmaid's rant

Please understand that I love my bride and am excited for her- but I really never had any desire to be a bridesmaid and as the wedding approaches I'm getting more and more aggravated about being railroaded into this. Here is my rant:

When I asked you to be in my wedding I actually sat you down in person and asked. Then I asked you again just to be sure. As the wedding got closer and it looked like it would be difficult for you to participate I told you I would understand if you couldn't do it. I gave you multiple outs. YOU CALLED ME ON THE PHONE AND TOLD ME I WAS GOING TO BE IN YOUR WEDDING! I WAS NEVER GIVEN A CHANCE TO POLITELY DECLINE!

Yes, you and your family had to come from out of town for my wedding, but both of your parents work in my town and you were never so far from their home that you had to rent a hotel room. YOU ARE ASKING ME AND MY HUSBAND AND MY MOTHER AND FATHER AND OUR AUNT AND YOUR OWN PARENTS AND A LADY WHO HELPED WITH MY WEDDING SO YOU JUST ASSUMED SHE WOULD WANT TO HELP WITH YOURS TO GO TRAVEL FIVE HOURS TO A CRIME-RIDDEN CITY AND SHELL OUT $180 A NIGHT FOR TWO NIGHTS AT THE ONLY SAFE HOTEL IN THE AREA!

I went out of my way to find a bridesmaid dress you were comfortable with. This included choosing a style of dress that I didn't care for. Driving you to the shop where we got the dresses several times, paying for your alterations, buying your shoes, bringing your shoes to be dyed and paying for that and taking you out to dinner on every one of these shopping trips. YOU SPOKE TO ME ON THE PHONE ABOUT WHAT KIND OF DRESS I WOULD LIKE AND THEN JUST CONTACTED A STORE AND ORDERED THE OPPOSITE EVERYTHING- SKIRT LENGTH, FABRIC, & STYLE. I AM SO EMBARASSED TO BE SEEN IN THIS GET UP AND, OH YEAH, I WILL NOT BE "USING THE TOP WITH A PAIR OF JEANS WHEN I GO OUT". P.S. THIS NIGHTMARE OF A DRESS IS COSTING ME $400 bucks. YOURS WAS $180 AND YOUR DAD PAID FOR IT.

OK the thing is I am in my thirties. She is in her twenties and so are all of her little friends that are going to be in this wedding. I asked her to be in my small wedding because I am an only child and she is my cousin and young and I thought it would be a nice chance to get closer to her. I really don't think I would be missed in her big wedding; there are enough other bridesmaids. In the year since my wedding (which my spouse and I paid for ourselves) my husband lost his job. Those months when he was out of work coupled with spending on our wedding and certain unavoidable catastrophes (ie medical and dental expenses and having to spend $3000 dollars to replace our air conditioner) have us living very nearly check to check. Because her father is a doctor and she is so young I don't think she realizes what she is asking all of us to do. I don't really have an extra $400 dollars to spend on an outfit I am totally embarassed to be seen in and I definately don't have another $400 to spend on a hotel room. Neither do my parents or any of the other folks we will no doubt be having to carpool with- joy.

The other thing is she is designing every aspect of the event around her preferences- this is why she chose a bridesmaid outfit that would look good on someone who is over 6 ft. tall (her) and didn't consider at all what it would look like on someone shorter (me). This is also why she is being very picky about where and when we will be getting dressed- Getting up extra early so I can drive across a strange city to get dressed in front of a a bunch of complete strangers makes me want to stick my head in the oven. I know she doesn't consider little details like the fact that because I am carpooling with people for the five hour drive to her town I won't have my own car to get to her relaxing dawn manicure / getting naked with strangers event. We are supposed to drive back across town after the getting dressed together so we will be across the street from my $400 dollar hotel for the actual wedding. I will have to get a ride then as well. Can't I just get dressed in the privacy of my very expensive hotel room?!? She keeps trying to be non-chalant about everything and she says she doesn't care about stuff, but when you don't adhere to the 12 PAGE DOCUMENT/ EDICT she sent to everyone remotely involved in the event she gets super pouty. You know what? Sometimes it is just better to say what you want in the first place, instead of saying you don't care and then acting like an insufferable child when no one can read your mind. Sometimes when someone is going into debt to do you a favor the really polite thing to do is to try and accomodate them a little bit too.

And that, my friends is the end of my rant. Don't judge too harshly. One day you too may be called upon for thankless debt inducing public shame. Don't worry. A photographer will be provided to capture every indignity.

Since she already has so many bridesmaids, just talk to her and say because of you financial situation - you cannot afford to be in the wedding.

let her know how regretful you are, but that it is impossible to come up with all the extra money that she is asking you to put up. Let her know what is going on with you husband's job.

Yes, this is supposed to be the bride's big day - but that does not mean that she forgets her manners along the way either!

I agree with Michelle. Just simply let her know you can't afford all that nonsense. Or you can just lie and say you broke your leg and can't make it lol. Okay I was kidding on that one

That sounds like an awful mess and she's being way too self indulgent. Not even bothering to think about how everyone else feels. Ugh, Bridezillas are awful aren't they?

Honestly, I refuse to be anyone's Bridesmaid. I would've politely declined her offer unless I'm able to choose the dress style that I want. I also wouldn't be happy about paying for it either. Those dresses are terribly overpriced in my opinion.

I think you should get yourself out of it. Dealing with all that isn't even worth it. Let her do her wedding thing on her own time and expense.

YIKES! I agree with Michelle. Let her know your situation. It's going to be a tremendous hardship for you.