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#388685 - 03/07/08 06:50 AM If a Loved One is Addicted
Kathy - 12 Step Recovery Offline
BellaOnline Editor

Registered: 03/18/07
Posts: 172
Loc: Scottsdale, AZ
Recently I have seen posts and have received emails about addicted family members and the frustration and sadness their denial creates. This week my article is on this particular subject and I am only posting this so that many of you who would not ordinarily go to the 12 Step Recovery site might want to take a peek. I hope it does not seem brutal toward the addicted one. It was not meant to be. If you are in the position of having an addicted love one, I think you will understand. I can only hope that this will help someone out there who is in pain.

Namaste'. May you walk your journey in peace and harmony.

#549227 - 09/17/09 04:49 AM Re: If a Loved One is Addicted [Re: Kathy - 12 Step Recovery]
freemenow Offline

Registered: 06/11/09
Posts: 69
Im the only non alcoholic member of my family. I am in therapy 2x wkly (family stress) and have gone to many years of 12 step groups in the past. I need to get back into it. I am heart broken lately again. My mom,dad,sister...................drink,lie,fight,insult etc. I have had to get away from them. Now they are furious with me. I am a trader in their eyes. More than that,they want other family and friends to think Im crazy! they scare me honestly. Im a single mom and my kids are confused. My older daughter who is 20 thinks Im being mean to grandma. When I tell her about my pain,she says Im selfish. Im praying alot! Im afraid my daughter is going to follow in their footsteps. Shes began spending time with them and now siding against me. I told her, she can be mad and spend time where she chooses. She may not be rude to me! Its all maddness. Family disease. All the support would be much much loved and appreciated:) Thanks!

#549603 - 09/18/09 11:28 AM Re: If a Loved One is Addicted [Re: freemenow]
Kathy - 12 Step Recovery Offline
BellaOnline Editor

Registered: 03/18/07
Posts: 172
Loc: Scottsdale, AZ
I wish I could say something that could make it all better for you. Unfortunately, and I think you know this, it is impossible to change someone else especially if they are all in denial. The only thing you can do is to go to Al-Anon. You can't help anyone else but you can help yourself. And, yes, I would be more worried about your daughter. Once again, you can only pray and trust God's will for her. If she were willing to attend AlAnon with you, well....that would be great, wouldn't it?

It is a family disease and it definitely destroys more families than any other disease that I know of. I will pray for you because I can't imagine being in a family of addicts and being the only non-addict. Being an addict, I can only tell you that each of your family members will have to come to that moment of clarity when they realize there is a problem and there has to be a better way. As for any addict, some will and some won't ever want a solution to their problem and there is nothing anyone can do.

I know I am not telling you anything you don't know but just trying to support You and hope that you will do the only thing you can: pray and get to Al-Anon. If you want to just share anything, you can go to my site at Bella (12 Step Recovery) and you can email me personally. I also have someone that you might want to email who I kind of believe is my "expert" in Al-Anon but I would have to give you her email privately.

My prayers are with you.


#560679 - 10/30/09 09:48 AM Re: If a Loved One is Addicted [Re: Kathy - 12 Step Recovery]
Lauren_ NY Offline

Registered: 10/29/09
Posts: 27
Anyone that is having problems either personally, or know someone that is having trouble with addiction, please contact me. I'm an alcoholic myself, and have found a way to help combat it through a medication called baclofen. You would have to get it prescribed from your doctor, but I don't get cravings while I am taking it. I started taking it in may, and have not drank since. I know I could fall back off the wagon, but this medicine is the only thing that has actually worked for keeping me clean Again, please feel free to PM me for more information or help. There is a book that I would highly recommend called The Last Glass on the subject as well. Hope this helps!

#560719 - 10/30/09 01:33 PM Re: If a Loved One is Addicted [Re: Lauren_ NY]
Kathy - 12 Step Recovery Offline
BellaOnline Editor

Registered: 03/18/07
Posts: 172
Loc: Scottsdale, AZ

Thank you for your post. Medication can take away the cravings but it does not change behavior. A dry drunk is probably one of the most miserable things one can be. I'm not insinuating that is your position but would be for most who take medication without working on recovery. The article I publishd this week talks about this subject. It is the same with any addiction. I wore a patch to quit smoking but I had to change many of my behaviors and understand why I just "had" to have a smoke. I know people who have taken medication for their cravings but had to work a recovery program as well.

Sobriety is not easy and staying sober is a lifelong process. The obsession can be lifted but if you don't really understand why you drank in the first place and how behaviors have to change, you will always be either on medication or end of drinking again.

I do not say these things as a "lecture" but from one who has seen folks try any number of remedies to quitdrinking. Most do not want to rely on medication but would rather just be the person they want to be.

I hope you will also work on a recovery program so that medication can be a thing of the past.


#560774 - 10/31/09 03:49 AM Re: If a Loved One is Addicted [Re: Kathy - 12 Step Recovery]
sundancer Offline

Registered: 09/13/07
Posts: 342
Excellent advice for any type of addiciton.



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