BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Deafness Can you hear me now

I have had surgery twice on each ear. I get so frustrated because i still am hard of hearing. And what upsets me the most is that people seem to get so agitated with me, when i tell them i can't hear them, They seem to get so frustrated with the fact they either have to repeat them selfs or are asked to speak louder. ( I have hearing aids, but don't do well with them)

I think that somehow people are concerned and understanding with a person who has an obvious disability, but a hearing loss is invisible, so when that person asks them to speak up their first thought is, "So, why don't you pay attention!" They seem to take it as a criticism of how they speak and get defensive.
I don't know how you can fix that except maybe to head it off by saying right up front that you have had surgery on your ears that hasn't worked all that well so would they please bear with you and speak louder.

Hi Rosie
It is hurtful when people don't understand that you are not stupid but simply can't hear. It's exactly the kinds of situations you describe which causes hearing impaired people to withdraw - to avoid the frustration and upsets. I too had hearing loss problems and lived deaf for 15-20 years. I became isolated, lost self-esteem and confidence. As a last resort I enquired about a Cochlear Implant and deliberated long and hard about having the procedure. Now 5 years later, I wonder why I waited so long. I got my life back. I can do almost anything most fully hearing people do. I no longer have that constant frustration of people hurting me. It was the best decision I ever made (apart from marrying my husband that is!)

Felicity, im glad that your hearing so well. What you said is actually how i feel, i avoid so many things cause of my hearing loss

I took my oldest to Driver's ed last week and was explaining to the instructor that he had Asperger's syndrome.

And the instructor assured me everything would be fine, that he had taught all sorts of kids with disabilitie - including deafness.

That really caught me off guard, because I had always assumed someone who was deaf would not be allowed to drive because they could not hear emergency signals and such - and said so to the teacher.

He said that actually deaf people were some of the best drivers, with the cleanesdt records, because they did not get distracted by the radio, cell phone, conversations, etc. - and that their other senses were heightened so they noticed emergency beacons and things that were ouit of the ordinary more quickly.

It really made sense when I thought about it!

What you say is so true. Most people who would be totally understanding of someone in a wheelchair are impatient with a hard of hearing person.

A frequent comment I hear is: "...but I know he can hear me!" The concept of varying degrees and frequencies of hearing loss seems beyond the understanding of some people with normal hearing.

Deafness is a hidden disability and often the people suffering from this become hidden even in full view. Deafness is a very lonely place.BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I know this is an old topic, but I just found this forum and wanted to comment. I have a hearing loss as well. I'm told that many of the little hairs in my cochlea are not functioning. I absolutely LOVE the Internet because I can hear so well with my eyes! :) I've found that it helps to say "I don't understand you" instead of "I can't hear you." In reality, I [i]can[/i] hear them... I hear the sound of their voice... but I can't discern what words they've said. As Felicity pointed out in her article [url=http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art42667.asp]Deafness and speech - mishearing[/url], it can be quite embarrassing to assume what someone has said and then find out you were wrong. I tend to just smile and nod when in a crowded or noisy room, and then watch for body signals that I've been asked a question. If I sense I have, I will say, "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that last part." I've also found that I use my hearing loss as an excuse at times. Once I let people know that I don't always understand what is said, they don't seem to mind repeating things. I could probably be a lot more social, but I let my self-consciousness get in the way. ~Kelly H.

Hi Kelly
Your experiences are typical of someone with a hearing loss. I call it social bluffing when I nod and smile and hope I understand!

While self-consciousness of our mistakes plays a part in not being socialit is very hard to do it all the time and then very tiring. I was always so tired at the end of every day because pretty much my whole days activity had been concentrated on hearing - and then once I'd heard I had to react/do whatever I had heard about (eg at work I had to concentrate so hard to just find out what was going on and then do the work).

Now that I have a cochlear implant, hearing is just a natural part of my life and I don't have to concentrate on it and I am no longer anywhere near as tired.