BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Please Help Me!! I am Pregnant and Need Advice

I just found out that I am pregnant and I couldn't believe it because it was unplanned (our contraception failed). I have cried a great deal over this and don't know what to do. I want to do the right thing and I really need some advice. My husband and I have been married for 9 years (I am almost 38 and he is almost 33). From the beginning, we agreed to not have children because of the difficulties involved in raising a child (emotional & financial). He says that we cannot afford to have a baby and that he is afraid that I might not be able to handle the demands of being a mom. I have so much guilt over contemplating having an abortion. I feel that I don't have the right to take this baby's life away and there's a reason why things happened this way. Part of me romanticizes about having a family from time to time, but then I realize that it's not easy because of what I've seen my sister and brother go through with their kids. I don't know if it's better to live with guilt and end the pregnancy or face my responsibility and have the baby. If I end the pregnancy, I know I will regret it. I know I will always wonder what the baby would've looked like and how his/her personality would've been like. I've been through so much in my life that I don't feel I can handle the pressures of being a mom, but if need be, I will do the best that I can. I don't have anyone who can help me with the baby except my husband. I could stay home with the baby, but my husband works full-time. We are really concerned about finances and having the stamina to raise a baby. I also have health issues that complicates things. Any advice you can offer is very much appreciated. I can't stop crying and this is really weighing heavy on heart. Please help me. Thank you.

[i] [/i] Hi Leilei , I just had to reply to you. I am sorry your so upset and it being a suprise to both of you. I am married for almost 27 years now. We wanted children so bad we tried the fertility drugs and back then the basil thermometer to see when I was ovulating, I won't bore you with the details but we never took the extra steps to have a baby. I just wanted to tell you that I would have given anything if we had went further, people say you can't miss what you never had but believe me you can. I still hurt for a baby.. I have fibromyalgia which really drains my energy and strength so I know what you mean about the health issue thing. My twin sister just had her first grandbaby a boy and he is so cute. My sister was always good to share her kids with me so I did get to experience the love of a child and now a grandchild thru my sister. I am telling you all this to say please take into consideration the feelings and the emptyness you may have for the rest of your life if you don't have the baby. I thought it would get better with time for me but it hasn't and never will, it is with me everyday thinking what if. I wish you the best of luck and I am kinda like what you said it seems like this baby was meant to be here. My Mother had her tubes tied after the birth of my second brother, she got pregnant again, with my baby brother and we could not have made it without him I know he was meant to be here. I wish you peacefullness today, hugs Bindy

I sent you a PM---hope to help by sharing an experience.

Hi there, It's been a while since you posted this and I don't know what decision you have made... But I just wanted to say that being a mother is hard work and it can put a strain on even the strongest of marriages... but it's worth the effort. If you decided to keep the baby, then things will fall into place for you, learning to adapt is part of everything in nature. If you decided to not go through with the pregnancy, then don't feel guilty over it. It is your body and your life, you need to do what you think is best for you... you should never feel guilty for taking care of yourself. Take care, I hope you are well. xx J

Hi, Either your 4 months along and this might help or you aren't and this won't matter, but I had to respond. When I was 20 I had an unexpected pregancy and we got married. I am now 47 and there have been moments when I've wondered how life would have been if I'd made a different decision, but they are only moments. Brandon is now 26 and married and owns a home pays his bills and it make me feel wonderful to know that I helped with bringing this great person into the world. You're thinking it's not the same because I was twenty. Well, when I was 38 God shocked us again. I truely believe there was a reason. My dad died a year before and I believe he had something to do with it. You know he got his wings and BAM I was pregnant! (He always thought I should have another child!!!) Cameron is a wonderful child and way beyond his years. When we go to the cemetary he talks to my dad as if they've met' It's really freaky!!! The point is if you believe that things happen for a reason then that faith will keep you going. Do I remember the really tough times? Of course but I couldn't describe them. Can I tell you exactly how I felt and what I saw the first moment I saw each of my boys? In perfect detail.