Today has been a horrible day.

It seemed like it would be OK - not greast but OK.

I'm in a lot of pain - a rib has popped out of joint in the back and I'm seeing a chiropractor for it - she's slowly putting it back into place, but I had to go the weekend with no adjustment because of the flu/fever. So by today was relly in pain.

On my way to the chiro, I get a call from my oldest son at school (the one with Asperger's and BiPolar) he is crying and almost in hysterics. My son never cries. Sadness is one emotion he does not show. Anger yes, rage yes, frustration yes, sadness & tears - never. To hear him crying, sobbing relly sent my panic mode on high alert. Apparently they found out that a boy who has been a pretty good friend of his since middle school died of an overdose this weekend (we don't know if it was drug or alcohol overdose or if he took too much of a medication - no idea of whether it was accidental or suicide either).

This boy had accepted Michael's "oddness" and stood by him a long time. Michael was near hysterical when he found out. So I skipped the chiro and went and got him from school.

Now just about everything I see, read, do or say makes me start crying! I barely knew the child. I knew who he was, and that he was a good friend to Michael - and I feel horribly for his parents (I cannot imagine the grief they are going through - their baby would be graduating this year, and here I go again tearing up!)

Why can't I stop crying?!? I'm trying to be strong for my son, and I can barely keep my head on straight. What is wrong with me!?!?!

I'd say nothing is wrong with you, but that you are overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the physical pain of your rib, and overwhelmed with the emotional pain you feel for your son.

My prayers are for you to feel better physically, for your son's pain at losing his close friend to ease, and for that boy's family to somehow get through his loss intact.

Definitely a sad day for you. Crying is very acceptable. Be strong as you can for your son, but let the tears flow when you can so that you *can* be strong for your son.

Michelle, I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I think crying is a normal reaction in your situation! I hope things are better for you soon.

Thanks guys.

It seemed like the harder I tried to stop, the more I needed to cry.

Michael and I finally just sat down and talked. He actually talked to me, his dad, his grandmother, his uncle, and our pastor. Between all of us I think he has finally found a little peace.

I think for me it was a combination of knowing my son has lost a wonderful friend, and just trying to imagine (or rather NOT imagine) what pain his parents are in. Michael takes so many medications for his Aspergers and Bipolar - and we are so careful with him, but it would be so easy for him to overdose accidentally. And if he wanted to do it on purpose, and I didn't see the warning signs - then he would have all his meds at this disposal for that, too.

I guess I just can't turn my brain off and I want to.

Michael wants to go to the oung man's funeral, so we are waiting to hear the arrangements. I just wonder how well he is going to handle that. The only funerals he has ever been to are of much older relatives. This will be so much different and much harder.

Michelle,
I had a day like that on Sunday. I had a car crash a month ago when my neighbor's daughter drove head on into me. I have a lot of injuries and am having physio twice a week. The pain is bad and sometimes I wonder how long it will last.
On Saturday evening my son in law finally brought home my mangled car and when I went out to feed the ponies Sunday morning I had forgotten about the car and just burst into tears when I saw it.
We'll get through it. It just takes time.
I hope you start feeling better soon.
Love
Kim

Michelle - I think it is good you ARE crying! You are going through a huge amount of things and your body needs that release. Let yourself cry. Let yourself realize this is a huge burden. Yes you will get through it eventually but for now you can feel what your body is telling you.

We were talking about pain elsewhere and I can't imagine having serious pain like that without any release. Maybe there's a way to get an emergency fix or something to help with that part at least ...

Michelle, my prayers are with you, your son and the family who lost their son. I feel that crying is a healing process and there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying. Right now you are in a highly emotional state and the crying is your release. Let the tears come - and imagine each tear as a purifying balm to soothe and cleanse your soul, your mind and your body.

Michelle, My prayers and sympathy are with you and your family and that boys family. Losing a child is one of the worst things one has to endear and you are feeling this families loss because of your son and him being friends.

It is very good you are crying you are letting out all the stress and fears,, not crying and holding it in could bring on all kinds of problems both emotional and physical.

Blessings to you and yours, Sarah Redhawk

I think we all are in agreement that crying is wonderfully healing...and that if your body wants you to sob, weep away. There is a reason for it and nothing to ever try to staunch. The emotions associated with this painful situation have to go somewhere.

We are here for you if you want to talk it out more. hugs.