You're right, it is different for everyone. This last March I went into an early labor at 20.6 weeks into my pregnancy. My baby boy was born and had a heartbeat but wasn't viable and only lived a few short seconds. I had to pay to have a funeral, and was sent a death certificate before I received a birth certificate. By far, this was the hardest thing that had ever happend to me in my life, and something not many can try to understand. The memories that I have of him are not many but I treasure them. (Most being pregnant with him) My Dr. perscribed me some anti-depressents but I stopped taking them last month, because I feel it is healthier to feel true emotions. I just got past the day he was supposed to be born, and that was very hard. If you can find a support group that you can talk to about this I am sure that it will help you. (you can get information from your local hospital). I joined a developing community church, that has lots of support and friendships. It is okay to think about your baby,(I do everyday) or even talk about him/her. Have you thought about becoming pregnant again? That's okay too, and nothing to feel bad about. (We told him that we will try again to have him, and that he has to find his way back to us, even if he's a girl). I also wear an angel necklace around my neck so that I know he is always with me. Light a candle on his birthday, keep a journal, take time for yourself, get a pedicure, or visit a place that just make you feel good. Remember that it is okay to cry.
"She was not blessed with the joys of raising this child, provided a totally loving and selfless environment for this soul to finish its work and achieve its eternal peace. In this vein, the definition of "life" is expanded. Providing the eternal peace and serenity to a soul whose life's objective has thus been completed can certainly, from a spiritual prospective, be seen as a conferral of "life" of the highest order."
I hope some of this can ease your heartache.