I was told by my gynecologist that I couldn't get pregnant because I had ectometriosis, which is the opposite of endometriosis. Not only is the scar tissue inside it's all over. I was taking Seasonique and I became homeless so I lost my prescriptions and was living in a tent. I found I was pregnant when I was almost into my second month. I was sooo happy and so was my fiance, Lars.
We moved in with my mother and I began to see a little bump beneath my shirt. I had always wanted a baby so this was my miracle. My friends were so happy for me and my mom was even happy to be a grammie. I was going to see my gynicologist often because I was a high risk pregnancy. I was going into my third month and my doctor was alarmed by my baby's heartbeat; it was very faint. I didn't think anything of it because I've heard that sometimes the baby will be in a certain position and you cannot get the heartbeat well. So I went in the next week (Sept. 1st, 2009) and she was moving around and stopped. My heart was pounding by then. She said that my baby didn't have a heartbeat.
Apparently the baby stopped growing at 6wks 5days but I was going into my ninth week! The babies heart sustained a dying body for longer than it should have. I had a d&c set up for eight that night and they sent the fetus to the michigan state university for chromisonal testing.
The d&c caused me a lot more pain then it would have for anyone else because of my condition. I had no idea that I was miscarrying. I had lower back pain but I've always had it and the cramps were normal. I had them only when I was bending down to get something. Half the test came in on the tenth, she said there was no chromisonial problems, but they found out the sex. It was a little girl. The XX on the paper made my heart sink. I wanted a little girl, a little star. How do I deal with the sadness that I feel on a daily basis. It feels like their is a missing piece in my life.
