BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Inspiration Happy Anyway

Okay, I must admit, my recent article was inspired by a very annoying interaction with someone. They could NOT stop complaining LOL!!!

Sometimes, we just have to be happy anyway HA HA.

Happy Anyway

maybe this woman at the bank has no one to talk to. maybe she's lonely and has one of the hardest jobs a (strong) woman can do. It was really nice of you to cheer her up and not judge;) Inspiration Deanna!

Hi Freemenow!

I definitely believe she does have a really hard job. But when I tried pointing out the positive to her, I think I just annoyed her. She didn't want to see the good that surrounded her.

That is a very nice article and an interesting point of discussion. I know for me, sometimes I just want to vent to a sympathetic ear. I can't do that with DH as he tries to 'fix' things or gets irritated at my 'complaining.' So it's possible she just wanted someone to say, "yeah, it's hard, i know what you mean." As a verbal hug, sorta.

It's a fine line - what is complaining and what is venting out stress? is it appropriate to seek verbal comfort outside the self? These are questions I grapple with. :-)

Oh absolutely Jill! I definitely know how it feels to want a sympathetic ear. We all deserve the chance to vent or rant, or whatever. But there comes a point when it's no longer a vent. And I notice this with myself... I'll vent once. Then I'll need to vent again. Then again. And I'm not feeling any better. No matter how often I vent, I won't feel better. So what I'm really doing is complaining.

Sometimes we really do just have to decide to change our thinking about something. If my many rants aren't helping me, I know it's time to become proactive. I notice when I'm proactive, that I don't feel the need to vent as much. In fact, usually not at all because I'm making changes.

Sometimes there are just things I can't change. Like my husband being grumpy all the time because of work. I used to complain to my girlfriend nearly every day about it. One day I just got sick of hearing myself, and when she asked how he was I said "he's fine." and I changed the subject to something that was pleasant to talk about. It wasn't going to change my situation, so why bother LOL.

I just don't want to get bogged down in all the negative stuff. I want to be happy. I want to see the silver lining. And sometimes it's a struggle. Sometimes I just have to make myself be happy anyway LOL.

Deanna, I realize this with my son sometimes.

I am active in my local Spectrum support group - and we have an email list that people can ask questions on and get advice about. It's not as easy as a forum like this, but it works pretty well.

But there is one Mom on there that said the other day, "I just wish {her son} could say 'I love you Mommy' just once like I hear other kids do." I nearly cried when I read this.

I get so frustrated with Michael sometimes because he doesn't get stuff, and I am terrified about his future. BUT, he can talk to me - at great lengths! He can use the bathroom all by himself. He is in regular classes and is graduating from high school this year. He has even been running cross country and track since last year, so will get a Letterman's jacket this year!

He may not say he loves me, but at least he can.

Thanks for sharing this Michelle. You are so loving and open. Michael is really blessed to have you for a momma.

I agree totally. In fact, Lisa and a bunch of others and I have been wrestling over this very concept for over a year. We actually have bracelets that we use to change wrists to remind us of when we are complaining. We've tried to go 21 days without complaining and I don't think a one of us has got there yet. :-)

I want to be happy too. I try to remind myself of this constantly, but it just seems easiest when I am not around others. I know it's less of a challenge that way...but there it is.

Michelle, that is sweet about your awareness of your son. You know what he can and cannot do and accept/love him as is. You are grateful for what he CAN do. I would love to be like this with everyone.

Oh trust me, this awareness is by no means a permanent thing. it just occasionally hits me.

Hey Jilly! I do the bracelet too... I got the one from A Complaint Free World (loved that book).

Nope, I haven't made it to 21 days, but I have made it to 18!

18 days is an amazing accomplishment! The longest I made it was around two weeks more than a year ago.

I have a tendency to not be able to focus on more than one big task at a time, and I consider that a 'big task' in that it requires a lot of mental effort. So during my Big Cleanout I am not worrying about the not complaining business. I hope to be able to give that good attention and effort soon. :-)