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Joined: Aug 2007
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 809
My two daughters have very different parenting styles (and actually lifestyles) and it's creating a rift between them. One daughter used to watch the other daughter's 2 little ones a lot but has backed off due to her sister's criticism. One daughter has 2 kids under 5 and the other has one daughter who is 2.

My daughter with one child decided, with her husband, to live a down scaled lifestyle so she could stay home with their daughter. She offered to baby sit to help out her sister, but now she sees her sister and brother in law living a more lavish lifestyle that they can't really afford and using potential daycare expense money just to buy "stuff." Add that to the difference in the way they discipline - or don't discipline - their kids and there have been some rather heated words exchanged lately.

The two girls used to be close until husbands and kids came into the picture. Now I'm afraid that it may create a permanent rift between them.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing with siblings?

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Gecko
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This happens all the time. My sisters and I have/had completely different parenting styles. It did make for some uneasy family gatherings.

I don't know if your daughters' situation will create a permanent rift, but you can take hope in my family situation. Now that our kids are older, there is far less judgment and criticism. We get along fine now. I'm very close to one sister in particular even though we were very different in parenting styles.

You might have a talk with your daughters and explain that every parent has the right to choose how to raise her child without being judged or criticized. Whose way is better? The proof of the pudding is in the eating. As long as their kids grow up intact, healthy, happy and productive, a mother can say she did a good job. Kids are different and require different parenting styles. God loves diversity.

Are they religious? If so, they shouldn't pass judgments upon each other but just love.

I do not agree with some of my sisters' lifestyles or parenting at all. AT ALL. I feel that some are damaging and indulgent. That was hard to bear. However, I love my sisters. They have a right to live as they choose. I'm not perfect either and don't profess that my way is the best.

Please explain to your daughters not to let these issues come between them. One day, they may need each other should divorce or death come into the picture. Certainly, empty nest will come and they'll want each other then.

As for the current situation, maybe it's a good thing for your daughter not to babysit for her sister...or have one daughter pay your other daughter to babysit. Remind your babysitting daughter to love her nephew and niece and not take out her frustrations on them because of the kids' parents. And that she can be a good guiding force in her nephews and nieces' lives with fairness and consistency and love.

And remind your daughters that they love each other and nothing should come between that. Life is for loving.


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Parakeet
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Thanks so much for the input! I do agree that as the kids get older, things will probably smooth out. I know my own sister didn't agree with the way we raised our kids but her children ended up on drugs, one pregnant at 16, etc. All 4 of our daughters went to college and became engineers and the like.

I agree the girls shouldn't babysit for each other as one daughter gives preferential treatment to her own kids in any altercation, while the other one bends over to be fair to all 3.

Sometimes looking back, we wonder why we got so upset over things in the past so hopefully they can all ease up a bit and keep the family gatherings peaceful.


Moderated by  Nina - Siblings 

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