BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Good Reasons for Divorce?

What, in your opinion are some good reasons to ask for a divorce?

Control and manipulation on the level of emotional abuse.

abuse, mutual dislike, unresolve conflict that has been dragging on for years

One partner wants to leave to be with another person and marry that person.

As long as the reason is convincing, it can even be made up! Many third parties aren't interested in the reason, only how the finances and children are taken care of! _________________________ www.mylifeafterdivorce.com

Cheating. Why stay with someone who is not made for marriage.

susan & cartomance both have the reasons listed that I left. What was particularily difficult for me was my religion. I was Catholic and had really had marriage and the fact that divorce would boot you out of good graces to say the least, prevent me from getting a divorce sooner. It wasn't until my ex-watched me fall down the stairs when I was pregnant laughing and then later step over my body that I said to myself, "God couldn't have gone to the trouble to give me life just to have this man take it from me" that I finally left.

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Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

When only one is making an effort- it is like beating a dead horse. We had problems and I made the effort to keep it together. He didn't make any effort and the relationship finally fell apart to the point there was nothing left to save. I feel that besides abuse and cheating- taking your spouse for granted is the cancer in a marriage. When you overlook the small things that make a relationship healthy and act as if no matter what - he/she is gonna be there, well then that is a sure recipe for divorce. I always said, "It's not the getting, it's the keeping where all the hard work comes into play." If you are only making the effort to establish but not to maintain, then what can you conclude as an end result?

Substance abuse / addiction issues where the partner with the problem refuses to quit.

What about if one partner discovers they are infertile and the other has a wish for a family but the infertile one does not wish to adopt? I only say that cos its something my hubby and I are discussing. Not divorcing but the very real possibility that he wont have the family he wants. I dont feel right forcing him to stay with me when I know its not something I want and would feel comfortable letting him find someone he can love and have a family with if that is what he wants. So, that I could see being a good reason to divorce..

Zshar-ptitsa

Certainly differences about wanting children can be a reason for divorce. This is a very serious life decision and I would suggest that you spend time thinking and discussing your thoughts with your husband.

You are clearly a very caring person to want to ensure he can fulfill his dream of a family.

Have you sought counseling? Hopfully this could help you and your husband work through these issues and reach the correct decsision for both of you.

There are also many new techniques for dearling with infertility. They can be very expensive and invasive, but certainly something to consider.

I wish you the best of luck.

A good reason for a divorce is if one person wants children and the other doesn't. Even if one person thinks he or she can live without the family just to stay married, the issue doesn't ever go away and the result is a lot of hurt and resentment. I am going through a divorce because of this so I know first-hand.

Cassie

I wish you the best of luck. I hope you have others to support you during this difficult time.

Caroline

Cassie: Yea, see I never wanted children and my husband does. He has always said it does not matter, as long as he has me he'll be happy. Anyway, my husband and I have decided to separate. Its a tough desicion to make but a very nessary one for us I think. Ive changed so much that Im almost 'unrecognisable' to him. We want different things. See, if it were the small differences that were teh issue then we could go to couples counseling and talk them through. Hell, im a trained counselour myself! But its not, its a fundamental issue: Whereare we going with our lives? I want studies and a doctorate, he wants a mate who will raise a family with him. I discovered a few years ago I cant have children naturally. I dont want to undergo fertility treatments as my body is rather broken and UI have no wish to put it through something its fighting. Who knows, maybe in the future but not now!

zshar-ptitsa: I am very sorry to hear that you and your husband are separating. Even when the decision is mutual, the process of divorce can be very difficult and painful. I feel for your situation and I wish you well.

I think everyone has to decide for themselves what a good reason for divorce is. And we should be generous with others if we do not think their reasons are sufficient because they may not be telling the whole story in order to protect others.

I divorced my (first) husband after I finally realized that the counselors were right and he wasn't going to get help for his problems as long as I was around to provide a roof over his head and food on his table. This was against what I believed and how I had been raised (despite the fact that our situation fit the legal requirements for annulment in my state) and it took a long time for me to be willing to take their advice. I'm fairly certain he hates me, but he started getting help and he's doing great.

Julie

[quote=Stephanie L. Watson]What, in your opinion are some good reasons to ask for a divorce? [/quote] hi.............. did you become fully aware that your partner is cheating and you want out because you cannot saty in a marriage that at one point have or had three people included in it? thanks

I was in love with my husband when we got married but two things happened: he was emotionally destructive and controlling, and didn't accept me for who I was, or appreciate all I did. It was never enough, he was angry, things were volatile. Not a good environment. And we couldn't resolve problems. He would talk things through but he was just giving lip service. When I left, I felt so light, free, happy and I could grow! And I have. This book helped me out a lot: www.askmeaboutmydivorce.com. Full disclosure, it's my book. It's an anthology of essays by 28 different women and their stories really helped me through my own sometimes rocky progress to the current moment, which ROCKS.

Yeah i dont think divorce is good thing and it is good to find a reason for it once you marry you should not even think of divorce i think it is like committing crime.

It is kind of a judgmental question. People who divorce do it as a rule for the right reasons. A divorce is a painful and expensive situation nobody would want to put themselves through without good reasons. (Actually I think it would be more fair to ask: are all reasons to marry good: a wedding is fun and it is done usually in the "in-love" phase, so it is something easier to take slightly)

Cheating, (not)wanting to have children, radical unexpected changes in life, growing apart... there are as many reasons and people. It is judgmental to think from the outside that some are OK but others not.

If someone is trapped in an unhappy marriage asking himself such question... I don't know: too insecure? too much need for approval? too religious? too optimistic about people changing?

You have come to understand that relationships have lifespans of their own, and you think your marriage has come to the end of its natural life.

if the relationship won't work then you have the right to have divorce. reason such as the other person hurts you physically and emotionally, cheating and negligence of the relationship have good reasons for separation of divorce.

Well, there are many obvious reasons for divorcing. But this is a very personal decision and sometimes the reasons aren't as obvious as one believes they should be to make the move. I think that abuse comes in many forms and not just hitting. Verbal, control, and disregard are all abuse and are valid reasons for leaving a marriage. But truthfully if you no longer love the person or they don't love you, it seems that you should give you or the other person the option to find happiness. I mean, that if you love someone and it isn't working then don't you owe it to yourself and them to believe that happiness is waiting somewhere else? Sometimes that means, being alone for a while to figure out what you want out of life. Lorena www.LorenaBBooks.com

What a great question! Bottom line, I think that anything can lead to divorce if you are not committed to your spouse. Anything. Finances are one of those "hot" areas within a marriage, which reveals your priorities and character more quickly than just about anything else.

My reason exactly! He is really good to me as far as taking care of me and sees to all my needs, but its not all the ingredients for a healthy marriage. He is very secretive,and he's been lying,I am tired of being the only one working at this marriage, we hardly talk, we used to talk and discuss issues all the time, no problem! He has this whole personal life that he never shares with me, as far as his family and anything else that hasnt have to do with work. When I learn something and bring it up as to why he never said anything, he gets so defensive and says its no big deal. He constantly puts me last as far as respect, and everyone else's feelings or opinions always comes first (even when not deserved) I have talked to him before about this, but never changes. I am beginning to resent the fact that I dont matter and he never defends me to no one...its gotten so bad that I dont even like him anymore, I Love him, but dont like him, he did this to me, to us. When he see's I am upset, he dont even notice, he plays xbox til I fall asleep. So, I am presenting divorce papers this weekend. I am so emotionally exhausted and he knows this but just doesnt care, I think he thinks that I should be thankful that he is a good provider and that I should keep my mouth shut.

I think the question on divorce should be, "Are you better off with him or without him?"

Better off doesn't just mean money. It covers emotions and caring. You have things in common and activities that you don't care to do together, even though you might talk about them. Above all, being better off means having a strong friendship bond.

Oh I love the X-box ritual. It's the haven where no ill anything comes to light.

The only problem, kind of major...but it doesn't produce anything real. 8 hours later, they're no further along anywhere than but for a few virtual trophies or leveling up on spell casting.

When it comes to relationships, they're the dead zone.

If your financial needs are met, but emotionally he could care less, find an emotional outlet of your own. While you're exploring you may just find you're not quite as happy as he thought you were, and may even come as a surprise to yourself.

I think if your partner is very manipulative and you are suffering of emotional abuse and no more respect to both parties...plus religion differences...get out from that situation if not you will lose your identity, confidence and self respect.

I agree barb.

In an equation where there are 2 people and 1 of those 2 people becomes manipulative, meaning, they're the only voice you hear and berate you, blame you, there are no longer 2 whole people. Little by little one of those people disappears into the berating voice that never has anything nice to say about you.