BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting I hate my stepdaughter!

I do not think that any 8 yr old child ever deserves a kick in the ___.

My point is that she might have a legitimate mental health issue that is not completely under her control. If this is the case, then punishments will not make any difference until proper treatment is sought.

OH, she's 8 and she acts like this?? I thought she was like 15. That's the image I had in my head. I meant that figuratively. I meant like she needs to be snapped into reality. HER reality isn't what everyone or at least most people's is. Who goes around intentionally TRYING to hurt people? This is unacceptable behaviour. Not only towards her family but to anyone.

You do know that kids only get worse if not corrected. Ever heard of Boot Camp for kids? These are exactly the kinds of things kids are sent there for. To learn respect, consideration for others, responsibility etc. All the things she seems to be lacking. And once she hits her teens if this goes unchecked, it's only going to get worse.

She can't be punishing everyone she comes in contact with for her problems.

Thanks for your responses. We are going to try and get her into some psychiatry sessions. We can't afford it yet but we hope that when she does go they may help her. Her mother has psychological issues as well. She takes a lot after her mother. I also think her mom most likely was on a lot of drugs when she was pregnant with her. I have felt for a long time that maybe my stepdaughter is slightly sociopathic. I would like to get some answers from a psychiatrist. We have sent her to stay with her mother for most of the summer as she has put a great strain on us. We just need a break for a while. Her mothers isn't a safe place for her but, it's gotten to the point where we feel nothing but misery around her.

We have thought of sending her to military school but, honestly I don't think it will effect her. We've tried everything but she only seems to get worse. My husband thinks she'll get better but to me it seems like something she'll have to deal with all her life. We've tried being hard on her, easy on her. We've tried spending a lot of time talking about it with her but nothing has helped. It's not only her attitude towards others that bothers us but, when we try to help teach her things she gets really upset. She seems to think she knows everything and there isn't anything she should have to change to get better. We tried teaching her baseball and she cried her eyes out because we were trying to teach her to correctly catch things. I've tried to bond with her over making artwork because I am a professional artist but, she doesn't want to hear my advice. She gets really cocky whenever she does anything and sometimes she'll watch me paint and say "I could do that." I know part of her resentment towards me is because she is jealous of me. She is jealous of the way I look and my talents. But most of it has to do with deeper psychological issues.

Sorry, Navigaar - I just get a little defensive when I hear things like that. My oldest son has Asperger's - a type of high functioning autism, and when he was around the age of 8 he woould pitch terrible rage filled tantrums. I would get comments like "if he were my son, I'd beat his butt", or "I'd never let him get away with behavior like that".

The thing that these other perfect parents did not know is that I did discipline my child - but that in a child with autism (especially) spanking does not work. The child does not understand at all that this is punishment for the behavior that he just committed. Instead Michael would hit me back, and it would literally turn into a slapping fight. We had to totally rethink discipline from the way I was brought up.

I just read about this little girl, and I see a lot of Michael in the situation. It is not exactly the same, but there are a lot of similarties. Many psychological disorders ARE inherited. I suffer from Bi-Polar, and Michael does as well. Children that have depression often do not show depression like we think of it - they don't seem "sad" - instead they act out.

Most psychiatrists will be covered at least partially by your health insurance, because they are medical doctors. And many will work with you on the balance on a sliding scale according to your income. Many counselors and therapists work on sliding scales as well.

Especially when school starts back - talk with your daughter's school counselor and see if he/she has some recommendations. Most schools keep a list of private therapists in the area to refer parents to for more extensive therapy.

It is so hard to deal with this - I know, I have been there. But she is only 8, there is still time for her to get help and change. Don't give up on her.

Michelle

Thank you for that useful post. I too tired of people suggesting I discipline my ADHD daughter. I even had someone suggest once that I should be making her "black and blue" with my belt... with biblical quotes.

Thank you again for your posts. We don't have health insurance right now as my husband is currently unemployed. Do you think they might do some psychological tests on her first or should we ask for them. I saw a therapist myself when I was a teenager because I was dealing with extreme social anxiety disorder. She didn't give me any sort of tests but i've often heard of children having to take them.

Well said. I too have an obnoxious stepdaughter that I could not possibly hate more. She is mean, nasty, greedy and ungrateful. At the age of 27 she defines herself as a Princess and thinks everyone around her is here to serve. Daddy, my husband will not do anything about her rudness as he is afraid she won't talk to him again. Mummy, the ex wife encourages this woman to demand things from daddy, and in all fairness to this 27 year old woman, I can honestly say that had mummy and daddy separated when she was young instead of staying together for the sake of the kids, this woman and her siblings would have turned out to be better people. Yesterday was the last straw for me, this woman was in our home with her fiance and had the gall to say to her father that she had a profession unlike him who only had a job. My husband's job supported this girl and her high maintenance wants for 19 years, and paid for 3 years of her University studies. The final year's payment being made to her mother a month after he had left the marriage. This brat failed the final year and is quite angry that she now has an $8,000 student loan to pay off, seems mum didn't bother to pay the final payment to the University and now the brat has been stuck with bill for that year, and of course for the year she had to repeat. She wants dad who is reaching retirement age to use his super money and pay for it. In front of her fiance she told her father that he did nothing for her and she was pretty much a self made woman. Still he should be hapy with that because if he made her the way she is he should be ashamed. Jokes aside, I truly believe that spoling all three of his children rotten, buying their first cars, paying registration and insurance on them, never expecting them to work even part time has made for 3 very selfish adults, and the daughter or should I say Princess one very unlikeable woman who talks about everyone including patients at work (she is a nurse - God help us), she is incapable of saying anything nice about anyone, and openly gloats about people losing jobs and going bankrupt, people who have done nothing to her yet she laughs and smiles happily at their suffering. She is a very bitter woman at the age of 27, I hate to think what she will be like when she is older. She is always on the take and likes to sponge of everyone including her fiance, I hate the way she talks about his Grandmother being near death, and staying alive just to be spiteful, as she wants this woman to move on quickly so she can get some money to help with the building of HER new house. She talks openly about my husband's father dying and when he does, she expects to get his new car, as she is his grand daugher. Doesn't seem to cross her selfish little mind that she is one of 2 grand daughters, and one of 7 grandchildren. She is selfish, spiteful, rude and ungrateful. And at this age, I am sorry, but I have decided she is not a child anymore, she is a grown woman, and she needs to respect other people. Had mum and dad taught her this at a young age and said NO occassionaly I am sure she would be a far nicer person and treat the people around her with respect. Instead she cannot see past the end of her nose for anybody.

So nice to have found this page, SD is doing my head in. My husband is no help whatsoever, he appears to be afraid of her. We have been married for 6 years, together for 8, and as of last weekend - I am not trying anymore. This 27 year old SD has caused me to now look for a solicitor to make a new will, as I cannot trust her not to bully her father into leaving my 3 children out of everything that both he and I have worked hard for. Unfortunately, I know in my heart of hearts, he will do what she wants, even though my 3 children have always respected him, always included him in their lives, and asked him for nothing. Whilst his own daughter did not speak to him for 3 years, then only to ask for a new car. Seeing he was such a soft touch brought her back into our lifes and she has done nothing but want, want, want evry since. Watching my husband's relationship with her is scary, he is a proud man and would not take being put down by anyone especially in his own home, but when it comes to the brat, she makes him look so small, and he smiles and tells me, she was only joking........ For my husband's sake I hope he is not left with this mean nasty parasite in is old age, because in spite of everything, I do love him dearly and the thought of him being left with no one in the world to care for him except this bully concerns me deeply. What is wrong with this generation of young people..................My guess, THEY HAVE BEEN GIVEN EVERYTHING THEY ASKED FOR, BUT WERE NEVER TAUGHT SELF DISICPLINE.

I am a young person myself but I agree that people my age are spoiled and it's getting even worse in the younger generations. Kids seem to think their parents are the magical money tree. Before we got custody of my stepdaughter she would occasionally come to stay with us on weekends. She would always expect us to take her someplace special becuase her dad would always induldge her. He wanted to make up for not seeing her that often but, it only turned her into a spoiled brat. She would come over and get upset if we didn't take her somewhere. I told my husband he needed to stop buying her things and thankfully he agreed. She was even proud of being spoiled at one point. We told her "you're turning into a spoiled brat" and she just smiled and said "Uh-huh." This outraged us of course. We started making her do chores to earn money and when she stopped doing her chores right the money ended. Mostly my hunsband and I agree on how to raise his daughter but, I think he is too much of a softy when it comes to her. She use to do the dishes for us but, she never took the time to wash them right and would purposfully rush through them. Of course she still expected to get and allowence even though she was doing a horrible job. We tried to give her a chance to do them right. We would show her time and again how to do them but, when we weren't watching she'd skip washing the rims on the glasses or not washing the entire pot. She left food on everything so finally we took away the allowence. My husband being the soft hearted creature he is wanted to give her a new chore so she could get an allowence but I said if she isn't going to do them right why are we paying her? She obviously isn't old enough or mature enough for chores. It feels good to vent...............