BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Baptist I live with my fiancee

I just read your article and I have a lot of questions. First, what does the Bible teach about living with someone but not having sex with them? I don't consider what we are doing as living in sin because we love each other deeply and the the Bible says that "loves covers a multitude of sins". Not to mention we are NOT having sex. We chose this arrangement for obvious economic reasons (1 household is cheaper than 2) and my family lives so far away. I would really like to know what you think.

Hello. You weren't asking me but I happened on your post.

The verse "love covers a multitude of sins" means that as a loving person, you will overlook sins comitted against you - not that since you are in love, sexual sin is not sinful.

Sexual sin is when you are in a sexual relationship outside of marriage - which you are not.

The only problem I see is that as believers we are to be above reproach. Non-believers look at us to see how a Christian behaves.

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. It is good to be back and into the swing of things though.

Lynn is absolutely right, however, I would like add a few other points to ponder as you pray and seek God's guidance in your walk for Christ.

First of all, I would like to applaud both of you for choosing abstinence before marriage. However, when you live together before marriage, you leave yourself open to temptation. Since you are serious about reserving sex for marriage, it is a dangerous situation living and sharing the same bed with the person you love and to whom you are sexually attracted.

Not to mention, the Bible says we should avoid even the appearance of evil. (Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:22). The decisions we make do affect those around us. What kind of an example does your choice to live together set for younger people and unbelievers who are watching? How will people view your relationship who do not know about your commitment to abstain sexually? Our testimony as a Christian affects how people view Christ and the church. So many people have rejected Christianity because they do not see people living it out walking in the victory and power of the Holy Spirit they profess.

Living together is pretending to be married, but living together and marriage are not the same thing. In essence, it is making a mockery of marriage and therefore dishonors marriage. This goes against Hebrews 13:4 which says: �Let marriage be honored by all.� It is a sorrowful situation when a couple who lives together and finally get married say, �Marriage is not that different from living together.� Unfortunately, they have missed out on the joy and uniqueness of the marriage relationship which God intended for them.

Here are some great articles from Focus on the Family about biblical dating I would like to share with you. I hope you enjoy them:

Biblical Dating by Scott Croft
Stop Test Driving Your Girlfriend by Michael Lawrence

Thank you, Lynn and Dountonia. I really did miss your writing and encouragement while you were gone, Dountonia.

We are not engaging in intercourse but we do do other things and I have been suffering from a lot of guilt in regards to this. Not to mention, I have caught him masturbating after I refused to do other things with him. I am to the point where I want to move out but I have no where to go. Although I said I felt like we were not living in sin, we really are LIVING in sin. If we stop doing other things, is masturbation okay, I mean Biblical? I just don't want to lose him.

I wouldn't worry about losing him because God shuts doors no one can open and opens doors no one can shut (Revelations 3:7). If this relationship is really for you nothing will keep your relationship from going to the next level (marriage that is). The Bible says "If you love me [Christ is speaking] you will obey my commands" (John 14:15). Every relationship we encounter that is worth keeping should point us toward Christ. If your fiancee is serious about glorifying God he will understand your decision to move out, continue to abstain from sex before marriage, and start living out purity.

Like Joseph fled from the woman who was seducing him (Genesis 39:12-13) we are to flee from sexual immorality (I Corinthians 6:18).

Try going to some local social service organizations to find income based housing, ask if any females are looking for a roommate at your church, maybe you could live with an older adult who needs someone to help with chores around the house for reduced rent. Go to the community college information boards in your city and see if there are any females who need a roommate (make sure you share similar values though).

The family motto in our home is: "We don't make excuses. We find solutions." I challenge you to get creative and make the changes you know will be God-honoring.

Please pray for me. I am so tired of living like this. I need strength to do what I know I need to do.

iamabeliever: I just now happened upon your post, and I pray with all my heart that you have settled your situation by now. Any sex you may be having without the benefit of marriage is sex. Just because it is not intercourse doesn't mean it is not sex. The fact that you were "feeling guilty" about it tells me that you knew it was wrong. Living together before marriage was opening the door to temptations of every kind, and as another poster said, we are to "abstain from all appearances of evil" (1 Thessaloneans 5:22). If he truly loves you he will wait for you 100%. If not, then he wasn't worth your time. Get out while you can.