BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Where should a remarried widower be buried?

I think you should do what you want to do, and you sound like you want to be buried with your first wife for whatever the reason.

(One question on a slightly different subject), which I've always wondered about - if someone is married more than once, or in love more than once. When they get to the after life, who goes with who? Do you go with your true love? Or is everyone suppossed to be happy and get along with each other?)

The way I've always thought of it, is that our relationship with God is the ultimate relationship.

When we get to heaven, we will all be equal in love and status.

It is a very hard concept to imagine here, because we can't see loving a person we barely know the "same amount" as a spouse whom we spend our lives with.

Phyllis is so wise! I just love her!

When my MIL remarried, she married a man with a past family. He passed away and is buried with his family. My MIL will be buried with my husband's father and her parents.

It depends on the circumstances.

Sure! As long as everyone agrees and is happy. But in this case, there were disagreements and widower has to make a choice.

I agree, in that scenario everyone would have to be in agreement.

Weighing all of the issues here, there are a lot of valid points. I can feel how the second wife is percieving the situation and based on just what I'm getting, I feel at least a good part of this can be validated in feeling she may be walking with her husband in his previous wife's shadow.

If the husband has a double plot and feels strongly about being buried with his first wife, If I was the husband I would ask if my current wife would be against, when her time comes, being burried along side of me in my families plot. I would explain I have a large family and I want to symbolize my connections with my children, previous wife, etc. but that she too is a very large part of my connection in this life and love and want to symbolize that as well.

Me just being me, but I read the poster is against this, I would have myself cremated with two plaques, one with my current wife and one in the family plot. I would ask my ashes to be spread at both sites and knowing me, probably near an ocean or lake - someplace that spoke to me.

Like many of the posters have already written, when you pass, a great deal of the physical hang ups are released. Your personality is in tack, but what seemed to be important or barriers, become almost like a distant dream.

I crossed briefly, only once when I was ill and the sensation is difficult to describe. You know who you are but it's more of the person you were and not the name so much - but it's there. You almost have to recall it. Earth bound issues became more of like trying to remember work when you are in the midst of a vacation. So much for descriptive words...

__________________________

Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

Here's another option:

Since your current wife wishes to be cremated, have her ashes tucked in with you when you are buried, then no matter where you are, she will be with you.

That's a great idea. The family would have to see to it that those wishes are carried out. If he passes first, I wonder if she can't just have her ashes burried along side of him w/a plaque or stone. You wouldn't need a full sized plot, would you?

Maybe a place on his stone, like a mantel with a secured urn and her ashes could be placed inside upon her passing.

_________________________

Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

Strange, but I have experienced almost exactly what you are asking about. I am 51. My mother passed away at the age of 43 after 26 years of marriage, and my dad also had a double headstone with a plot beside her for the future. My dad was remarried several years later to a woman who was a jewel. She was 6 years older and had never been married before. They were only married for 7 years, when she, too, died of cancer. Dad had promised her he would be buried beside her because she was always concerned about being alone. So, the second double headstone was bought. Dad didn't expect to ever marry again, but it did happen. His predicament was of course, what to do. Dad was blessed with a third jewel of a wife. They are still married (4 years). When they first got married, I decided to confront dad with a question. He had never wanted to be cremated, but with his new wife standing slightly behind him, I said to him, "Dad, you have left us kids with an awful predicament. I know you don't want to be cremated, but at the present, the only fair thing to do would be to have you cremated and divide you three ways." Of course, he laughed and so did she. Then, I told him that the second wife was gone and would not ever wish to put him through such an ordeal. I also told him, that it didn't really matter what he wanted, that I was the oldest child and will probably be the one in charge when he dies. I told him, I didn't know how his present wife feels, but that her children would probably prefer she be buried with their father and that we feel the same way. We would prefer dad be buried beside our mother. My dad's latest wife started shaking her head "yes". I suggested that dad take up the headstone from the grave of his second wife and make it a single, BUT the new stone says"(the 2nd wife's name).....beloved wife of (dad's name). The stone honors her as his wife and mentions his name. We will now bury dad beside my mother. Not sure what we will do about the 3rd wife, she will of course, have dad's name, but will be buried beside her first husband to honor and respect her children. All these relationships have been good ones. Dad has loved them all. They are all special to us. We put flowers on both of the existing graves and always will. But our dad will be laid to rest one day, beside our mother. They birthed us children together. In eternity it probably doesn't matter. It only matters to those of us who are left. When dad dies, I may put a small inscripted stone on his last wifes grave with dad's name. There are ways to honor all. Hopefully your wife can understand this. If she still wants to be cremated, let her do so. You could one day instruct your children to add a small engraved stone with her name to the foot of your grave as an honor and respect toward her. Hope my story helps you a little.

You know, I have always been taught that in heaven there is no marriage. We are all the bride of the Lord. But heaven will be blissful and though we will probably know and recognize each other, we won't be concerned about our past earthly relationships with spouses. Not that they are not important, but our relationship with God will be all important.