BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Journals Failure Due to Fear?

Journal site's March 6th prompt -

March 6th - Have you ever failed to do something because of fear? How might things be different if you had not let fear stop you? Is there something you could do now?

If you are a creative writer try writing a scene where you conquered your fear in that past situation.

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Usually it is my fear of speaking in public that scares me. I did recently do two things that both involved going up in public and I was literally shaking but I am happy I at least tried them!

I hate calling people on the phone and have put something off for several months now because it involves a phone call - so I will do that tonight!

I have a great fear of leaving my house, I think of how different my life might be if i could.
Lisa isn't public speaking one of the most common, i couldn't do it.

Skyhaven - I can understand your fear, I enjoy being at home and work from home, and I am quite happy here

I do agree that it is a good fear to work on overcoming! Do you still have the dog you walk, to get out of the house a little each day?

No dog, I would love to have a cat, a house cat
Rosie

I'm not sure a house cat will help you slowly get out of the house! Unless it escapes I suppose Still, if you want a cat, that sounds lovely! Are you allowed to have a cat where you live?

Yes we are , I want the companionship. I spend a lot of time alone

I never feel like I've completely failed if I actually muster up the courage to do something I'm afraid to do. Usually if I do it and get through it, I'm glad I did it even if my performance could have been better.

My thing is not trying the thing at all when I'm afraid, and that is definitely failure if I don't even try. I'm happy to say that in the last two years I've faced all of my fears--accept one. I think I'll save that one for later on in life.

My husband once said to me. If you have a goal to say overcome a fear of heights that doesn't mean you have to go to the top of EVERY tall building that there is. LOL. So I'll save this tall building for another time.

p.s.

I also have a public speaking apprehension Lisa and I faced that several times in the last few months. I wouldn't say my performances were stellar. LOL. But I got through it and no one laughed at me and I am still alive�tho it felt like I was going to die when I was in the middle of it. LOL. When I have to make an important phone call, I script what I need to say and read from the script making adjustments, you know for how the conversation goes and I take notes so I don't forget things in my nervousness. This works like a charm.

skyhaven,

I also do not like to leave home. Unless I have a work related project or an event or something to do with my children, I have to be really motivated to go out.

I wrote an article once called "Have Two Hobbies" and one of the hobbies had to be something that you were so passionate about that you'd leave the comfort of home even on a cold rainy day to do it. My thing is window shopping and going to the library/bookstore. I love both of these "hobbies" but have yet to pursue them on a daily or weekly basis as I plan to do eventually.

Leah, I hope to be able to reach that point in my life some day.
I also would of liked to read your article
Rosie

Rosie, my mother suffers from agoraphobia - she suffers from anxiety attacks and can't go out without medication. It's a really difficult thing, but I like to believe that everything can be healed. Maybe if you can pin-point what it is you don't like about going out? For my mother it's crowded places - so we avoid them at all costs, but we can get her to go out in the car to somewhere quiet.
Is there anything specific that worries you?

I have panic attacks at times as well. They have gotten less severe over the past couple of years as I have gotten my Depression and Bi-Polar under control (both with medication and with counseling, it is a very 2 pronged approach - I don't think I would be in the place I am now with just one or the other.)

One of the exercises I was encouraged to do to help overcome my panic attacks is termed "flooding".

It is when you face your fear head on in increasing amounts of time.

The 2 places where I had the worst attacks were at church and at the grocery store. I actually felt I could control the amount of time at the store more easily (becaus people at my church that knew me wanted to hyug and talk to me, but strangers not so much so) so I started there.

1st I would have a list of things I needed to get from the store. I never went without a list. If I did not have something to focus on, then I was more lkely to panic. I would set my watch for however many minutes I needed to stay that time (5, 10, 15 - you might only be able to walk in the door and right back out the first time - but that is at least a step in the right direction.)

I did not look up from my cart except to get the groceries on my list. My goal in the beginning was to be able to stay in the store, not necessarily interract with people (except to check out at the end). Later, once I was able to navigate the entire store without worrying about the time - then I started trying to llok up at people and either smile, nod or say "hello".

I also did have a prescription for Klonipin, an anti-anxiety med. When I first started doing this i would need to take one every single time I got home, but gradually I did not need to, I could calm myself down by breathing slowly and thinking about what I had accomplished.

That is part of what works with flooding, not focusing on what you couldn't do, but what you DID do.

I hear you sister. I write out conversations all the time. I can write anything, anytime. But if I have to confront someone or speak in front of a crowd I freeze! I also don't go on some hikes with my family because I can not manage crossing the suspension bridge, without heart failure! Mattie a la mode

My fear is open spaces n people, I stay in the house and avoid both.

Since 9/11 and The Northeast Blackout of 2003, when I'm on the subway (I live in New York City) and there's the slightest delay, I panic if my children are at school. If they're at home with my husband I'm fine. During both catastrophes I was in Manhattan and my children were in Brooklyn at the time. Cell phones were down etc and I had no idea what was going on. Two of the worst days of my entire life.

When talking about fears, I didn't even think of this one since when everything goes smoothly I'll even take a nap on the train and I feel perfectly fine. But if there's a delay I do become extremely nervous.

LOL I still haven't made that phone call. I am so bad. OK. I can do this.

Shoot it just took me 20 minutes to FIND the items I was going to call her about and now I think it's too late. I will call tomorrow! Really!

I lived in NYC when they had the regional blackout. My friend and I were in Manhattan working on a research paper at an art museum and we were on the trip home when the power went out. We were standing in a packed train for hours and hours and finally were let off in Brooklyn near Utica Avenue, as I recall. They let us out through the first car and we walked along the tracks. Some folks were able to reach their family and they offered us a ride home.

When I did get home, my mother was trying to heat the kitchen. We had a gas stove and she opened the oven door to let heat into the room. What an experience. I understand how you feel.

Lisa, In response to your first post.

today, to be honest, writing. When I was in school, it was public speaking.

Angie - that's interesting - what about writing worries you?

Why does anyone have a phobia about something? It's probably a confidence thing.

I was wondering what part of writing seems to trigger your concerns. Is it thinking up what to write? Or showing the work to someone else?

For example, some of our forum members hate going outside into crowds of people, but are quite fine going outside into quiet nature. So usually there's an aspect of the situation that causes the concern.

Lisa, a variety of subject matter is always available. Although I do research, getting it organized and coherent is daunting to me. If the adrenaline is flowing and the passion is there, I can often turn out something quickly but generally, turning something out is like trying to cook hamburgers on a grill where the coals don't want to ignite.

I can understand that completely. I've been working on a book of Native American Wedding Traditions for over a year now. I really want to get it done, and I have tons of research material, but organizing it all is stalling me. In the meantime I'm writing quickly for the low carb site and gaming sites and such, so it's something about that organizing task.

Does anyone have suggestions?

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.
- Mark Twain

This works for me!

I do that for a lot of things except when it comes to writing.

Really? It helps me to break things down and keep track of all my writing projects.

It's so easy to get overwhelmed by all the projects I have going on that I have to make a list and see which are closest to completion, which needs to be sent out, etc. I like to look at a sheet of paper that lists where each of them are in the process (query letters, outlining, research, posting, etc.)

And I table and prioritize them so I know that, for example, I give myself a two-week deadline to finish x project or two days to submit my latest articles and so forth. And then, just for today, I'll focus on one project. This way, my head clears away all of the other pressing projects that can wait.

Otherwise, I'd go mad!!!

I think I agree with Angie. With cleaning a room, I can say "I'll clean this one corner" and I know where to start. I can do that with many types of situations. But with writing for some reason if I have large piles of Native American research material, and I really want to do justice to all the tribes, it seems intimidating.

Angie - what are you trying to write? Maybe we can come up with a solution together!

Well, when we had the newsletter I would write the "letter from the president" and it would come pretty quickly. But if I want to write a column or article, it's like I hit the brick wall. I've often tried to figure out how to put together the "family history" I've been collecting for 40 years but that seems intimidating as well. I really admire everyone here who writes their articles. That is pretty cool.

Wow I can see how a family history would be really intimidating! All those people, all those stories!

What if you started just with the furthest back you could go, the very first 10 years? What would that be like? Do it as a serial, by decade?