BellaOnline Forums Family Moms I want only 1 child but I'm undecided

Hi all, I am struggling with the issue of having kids or not, most of the time I don't want, but the times I do want I tell myself I only want 1 child. But then, I wonder how it's life would be, having myself grown up with 4 siblings. I think that the kid would be lonely, and wouldn't know what it's like to share/talk/find support of a brother or sister, and I end up feeling bad! Although my relationship with my brothers and sisters hasn't always been perfect, I definitely appreciate it and wouldn't change it for the world. Just the other day we got all together (with our respective husbands/wives), and we laughed, talked, and I thought how lucky I was to have them. On the other hand, I DON'T see myself being a mother to more than 1 kid, so if I end up having a second child just so my first "will have company and won't be lonely", I know I'd be miserable. So...as if deciding if I want a kid or not was not torturing enough, when I think I want one, I find myself with another set of issues! Help!

There is nothing wrong with having an only child. A child will adapt to his life situation. Anyway, parents always want their children to have their childhood experiences. It doesn't happen that way.

You can have multiple children so they won't "be alone" but they *might* have a terrible relationship and not get along!

An only child today has many social options. Friends, cousins, teammates. Plus, studies show that an only child benefits intellectually from the attention of his parents. More kids, less attention from parents. Moms and dads get burnt out easily when raising children. They always seem to have the energy for their only child. Only children are usually high achievers because of it.

I personally know many only children. They are intelligent, socially well-adjusted and happy. I had three sisters and frankly, we weren't that close growing up together. We are so different in nature that although we played together on occasion, most of the time we fought. I love them to pieces but even today, we don't hang out a lot.

You really don't know how you'll feel once you have your first child. You may be perfectly content. You may decide to have another. Take it one day at a time.

You should reflect on your reasons for not wanting a child before you worry about multiple children! But an only child can be a blessing for the child as well as for the parents.

The number of children you have is your choice. Just like the decision of whether or not to have children.

Like Lori said, there are plenty of only children that are fine, uptanding people.

By choosing to have only one child, then you don't have to "split resources". That child gets undivided attention, monetary benefits, time - you don't have to worry about getting child 1 to soccer, child 2 to cheerleading and child 3 to scouts all at the same time! (I've tried to pull this trick before, LOL!)

Yes, your child will not have a "built in playmate" - but within just a few years, he/she will be starting school and will have aounrd 20 playmates!

There are pros and cons to both sides. The ultimate decision is yours. Do not let anyone else bully or gult you into a decision that you are not comfortable with.

I am very happy with my 3 kids, I probabaly would have had 1 more, if it would not have been medically dangerous for me (needed a hysterectomy instead). One of my best friends thinks I am insane, LOL! Sometimes I agree with her. She has one child. She can spend more one-on-one time with this child, I envy that at times, but I love all the different personalities of my VERY different children.

We are different women, so we have different wants and goals in life.

You have to decide what is best for YOU. Do not let anyone ever make you feel bad for that choice.